The Christmas That Made My Heart Melt

Child holding baby doll

“Look what I got for Christmas,” said my friend Megan as she held up a single serving package of crackers with a small red stick for the spreadable cheese.

At eight years old I was shocked. There I was holding my new doll and standing next to my doll’s stroller. Immediately I knew I needed to rejoice with my friend for her treasure and try not to draw attention to my more expensive gifts. I put the doll in her stroller and said, “Wow, those are so yummy! You’re lucky.”

Never before had I realized that my family was richer than other families. My father was a school teacher and my mother babysat other people’s children to help make ends meet for our large family. I always thought we were poor. But here was a person I knew, and she had the smallest Christmas gift from Santa Clause I’d ever seen.

I told my mom about this experience, and the next year we decided to do something nice for Megan and her family. I lovingly picked out the best doll we could afford. We planned to surprise her on Christmas by anonymously leaving it at her house. However, the doll I was getting was still more expensive and more fancy than hers.

Somehow in my little heart I had decided it was good to give to others after I had taken the best for myself first. It made logical sense to me that the best way to give to charity or others was to see what you wanted or needed first and then give what you didn’t want or need to someone else. This way there was no waste and everyone received something.

For years, this semi-charitable philosophy was the basis for my giving. I felt good about myself for giving to others and not wasting all the stuff I didn’t want. Then a very young boy taught me that my selfish version of giving was missing the mark.

And the Children Shall Lead Us

Quinton, my oldest son, always had a big heart. He continuously looks for ways to help and serve others.

When he was three years old, Quinton begged for a Buzz Lightyear toy because of his excitement in seeing it in a recently released movie he loved. This toy was expensive and not the kind of toy we normally splurged our meager funds on. However, after seeing the toy appear on repeated birthday and Christmas wish lists, we eventually relinquished and purchased the toy for his fourth birthday.

Quinton’s joy was just what we had hoped for. He slept with the toy and played with it daily.

The following December I read my son a story called the Christmas Scout. It’s a family favorite about a young scout who selflessly gives his Christmas gifts away to poor children. After reading this story, our young family decided that we wanted to give to the poor. I knew the local thrift store had an evening set aside when they allowed poor families to choose from the nicest items for their family Christmas presents. I suggested we contribute what we could.

Immediately Quinton ran to his room and started looking through his clothes and toys. He had many nice, like new items he had never used. We thought any of these items would be suitable. And, of course, they wouldn’t hurt our family at all to give them away because he obviously didn’t need them.

After we had collected a generous amount of items, I sat down to admire my kind, young boy as he played with his toys. I loved that he was so easily inspired and more than willing to think of others and act. As a side benefit, I got to do some pre-Christmas dejunking, which was a tradition of mine as well.

As I was looking at my son and appreciating him, I noticed he was playing very thoughtfully with his Buzz Lightyear toy. He was carefully looking it over. After a few minutes of this he looked up at me and said, “Mom, I’ve taken really good care of Buzz, huh?”

“Oh yes, Quinton,” I said. “You are so careful with him. He looks just like new and should be a good toy for a long time.”

At this point Quinton looked back at his beloved Buzz and seemed to ask himself a deep question.

Then, looking back up at me, he said with an enormous smile, “Mom, we didn’t put Buzz in the box for the poor children. He’s the best toy I have and he’d make them very happy. He makes everyone happy.”

While I was trying to determine how to process this shock and what to say, my young son joyously took Buzz to the box and made him comfortable among the other toys and clothes.

My son smiled at me, and I wanted to cry. I was holding back the tears. His childlike love and goodness were incredible to behold. However, I think I was also tearing up because I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I had scrimped and saved for that Buzz Lightyear toy. I even had to convince my husband that it would be a good thing to buy. But now, quite unexpectedly, my son was willing to give it up for a good cause just like that.

“Maybe he doesn’t realize there won’t be another Buzz toy given to him,” I thought. I decided I had to let him know.

When I told Quinton, he looked up at me with his large blue eyes and said, “But Mom, isn’t it right to give something someone couldn’t get for themselves? Isn’t that the point?”

“Well, yes, but you wanted that toy for so long, I hate to see you lose it. You’ve already given the other children so many nice things,” I reminded him as I tried to get him to change his mind.

I felt so conflicted. Here I was caring about a toy and money, while at the same time also wanting my son to feel the joy of giving with such love and charity. “Okay,” I said. “It’s your choice.”

I assumed he’d start playing with Buzz again and forget about the idea of donating him. But he didn’t. After a couple of months of Buzz being at his side night and day, Buzz was now permanently in his donation box.

Two days later we dropped off our donation box. I again reminded Quinton he wouldn’t get another Buzz Lightyear, and this was his last chance to rescue his beloved toy.

“Mom, think how happy the little boy who gets Buzz will be,” he assured me as he picked up the box and walked it to the drop-off point. He set the box down, picked up Buzz one last time, gave the toy a quick hug, and said something to the toy. Perhaps Buzz’s parting words to Quinton were, “To charity, and beyond!”

Quinton was all smiles as he returned to the car with a light heart and a quick step. I was fighting back the tears of joy and pain as my heart melted. “We should do this every year, Mom. I like knowing that someone will be happy on Christmas because of me,” he said in his sincere, committed voice tone — which he often used when discussing important matters.

At this point I reflected on that Christmas so long ago when my friend Megan was so excited to get her cheese and crackers, and I was so blessed to get to anonymously share some Christmas joy with her.

I realized as we drove away from the thrift store that the size of the person doesn’t determine the size of the heart. My small son’s heart reminded me that true joy comes when we give our best and not worry about the rest. This little principle is not just for Christmas presents. Each day we live 24 glorious hours. They are a gift to us. The way we live and give of ourselves during those hours is the way we give back to God. True happiness comes when we love enough to give our best and not worry about the rest.

Merry Christmas!

Here are some other Christmas Stories we enjoy and some of our fun family traditions you’ll love.

Helping Children Feel Secure in an Emotional and War-Ridden World

child hugging bear.jpeg

In the United States we have a new president. Some people are elated about this and others are sorrowing. Regardless of where each of us is on this spectrum of election emotions, change is in the air. Change is difficult for all of us, but especially for children.

Not only are the children of the world watching and listening to what their parents, the media, and other adults say about elections, but there are also wars and rumors of war unlike we have ever seen before. There are tribal wars, wars against religious people, sexual wars, wars on corruption, wars against terrorism, wars on crime, and wars on drugs, as well as battles for freedom and rights in the capitals of the world. No matter which side of these battles we find ourselves on, we all feel attacked. Seriously, when I hear people talk about current events it often sounds like the person talking is explaining a bullying episode where they were the victim.

If adults feel attacked, then imagine how children must feel. How are the young people processing the confusion they see surrounding them in the world and on the media?

While it’s true that the young people were born for this day and age, it’s also true that youth are becoming more and more worried about their futures. Some youth are even losing any hope that they will have a good world to raise a family in. Just hearing what is happening in the world causes children to feel bullied and afraid that all the people around them are somehow bad.

6 Ways to Help Children Feel Secure

First, always talk to your children about what is going on. Of course, use wisdom. There is no need to talk about mature and stressful topics too soon in a child’s life. However, children need to process the world events with their parents before their teachers, friends and the media start processing the events in front of them. If the child has already talked to their parents about who ISIS is and the character, ethics and personality of Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump and others in the news, then the child can classify and decode the words they hear from other people commenting about these events and people.

Incidentally, this is the rule for sexual topics as well. Don’t wait for the school to bring it up. Parents shouldn’t be the second or follow-up source. Instead, they should be the first source if they want to protect their child’s conscience and if they want their child to feel the most secure. Always pray for direction when talking about sensitive topics and offer warnings to children about what people who don’t believe the same as your family might say about such topics. This open communication process is how parents help children establish their identity and decode the world.

Second, teach children how to accept “No” answers when they come because they always will. If we raise our children to think that they should get whatever they want, then they will also become the next generation of bullies. Wise people know that sometimes things go just how we want them to, but other times we have to accept defeat gracefully. When children play sports it is a good time to teach this. The attitude a parent has when a child loses a sporting match can set an example for life.

To properly accept a “No” answer, a person has to choose to say, “Okay,” actually be okay, and drop the subject by moving on without emotional issues. This is an adult skill that many adults have not mastered in our modern society. It used to be that if a person wasn’t able to lose to his opponent gracefully, then that person was seen as wild and uncultivated — even though many people don’t recognize that truth today, it’s still the case.

Third, teach the children to look for the best in people. Even when people disagree with us on political, sexual or religious issues, there is no reason to assume that the people are scary or bad.

Most people want the same things: freedom, happiness, security, love and protection. However, depending on the view the person has of world events, he or she could stand on an opposing side from their neighbor’s view — whom they love outside of this one issue. That is the way the great idea debate has always been, so prepare children to love and understand while not bending their views. Help them not be afraid by pointing out the goodness you see around you and by reaching out and loving all those around you too.

Fourth, discuss deeply with children so that they understand what an electoral college and religious freedoms really are. Vocabulary brings self-confidence and security. Teach the children enough about the issues so that they feel well-informed. This will not only inform them but it will also establish you as the most reliable source for information on prominent, emotional political issues.

Fifth, instill purpose into your children. They were born at this time. They don’t have to sit by and watch their world fall apart. These children, who are currently the most distracted and selfish generation the world has ever seen, need to emerge as the most purposefully driven generation the world has ever seen. If they can accomplish this, then they can bring goodness to the world despite the commotion and contention raging around us. Read them books of true heroes from past generations who had wisdom and courage during hard times and wars. If you do this, then they will find the inspiration they need to stand strong now and as they grow for what they know to be right in their hearts.

Finally, teach them the language of the Spirit of truth. In order to raise a generation of people who follow the true dictates of their hearts/spirits, it’s essential that they know the language of the Spirit. Explain to them how you vote and why. Talk about how you prayed and how you received answers to your prayers. Teach them the process of receiving answers to prayers and walking by faith.

If there is one thing the young people of the world need now it’s power. They need the kind of power that comes from faith, grace, and an active relationship with God. With this power they can discern the truth from the lies and feel confident as they stand for what they know they were sent to earth to stand for.

Yes, we all live in a war-ridden world fueled by emotions and selfish desires, but our children need not feel afraid. It’s up to us to give them the skills and security they need to reach their full potential and bring light in times of social darkness.

If your relationship with your children needs strengthening, you’ll find additional ideas and tools on TeachingSelfGovernment.

 

Is Giving a Child a Smart Phone Smart? Facts to Consider

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The first cellular phone became available to the public in 1984. By 2007 Apple had made the Apple iPhone, which has since taken the cellular phone world by storm. In 23 short years, society went from brick-sized phones to handheld computers. Today, smart phones are everywhere. Even many of the tribal people in Africa now carry smart phones. It’s not rare to see a tribal warrior with a spear in one hand and a smart phone in the other.

Recently, I was speaking with a gentleman about our family’s choice to only have one cellular phone for our children to share. The phone belongs to Mom and Dad, and the children can use it when they leave the home to babysit, work, or when they simply drive some place. But it’s a “dumb phone” with no data. It only has the capability to make calls and send a text message. Upon hearing about our family’s phone policy for our youth, the man I was talking to said, “Oh come on! It’s 2016. How are your children going to even be able to function as adults if they don’t learn how to use a smart phone?”

This was not the first time I had heard this kind of statement. Every time I hear it I find myself pondering on the assumption that a child has to be connected to digital devices such as computers, tablets and phones regularly in order to “function as adults” one day. The more I think about that assumption the more I’m convinced it’s false.

Some Facts to Consider

A team of researchers at the University of Iowa concluded that 50% of toddlers 12-17 months old can master the use of a tablet, while 90% have mastery by age 2. I guess digital devices are child’s play. Surely if a baby can master a device at 1 or 2, than an 18 year old can learn to use a phone too.

MIT reported that a group of researchers wanted to know if an illiterate child could teach himself to read and how to use an iPad after just receiving it. The experiment worked. The researchers dropped off boxes of iPads for children in a village that doesn’t even get goods with printed labels on them. The children couldn’t read at all. They taught a few village adults how to use the iPads in case anyone needed help, and then they just left the children alone with the boxes. The children learned how to open a box, start up the devices, access apps, and learned to navigate and read within a really short time. This experiment shows that not only do children learn foreign things like technology quickly, but they also learn reading quickly. Also the adults in the story who were not technologically literate were also quick learners.

If illiterate adults and children can master devices and reading on their own, then I suppose my children who know how to type papers on a computer, search for items safely online, and how to help me sort out problems with my own phone and its apps, are likely going to be just fine without owning their own devices until they reach adulthood.

Limits Combat Addiction

In a recent New York Post article, Dr. Nicholas Kardaras told of his experience trying to help children overcome digital addiction. He tells a story of a young boy who ended up in a “catatonic stupor” because of the game Minecraft. He cites the recent brain research that proves digital addiction elicits the same brain response as sex or heroine.

Dr. Kardaras says that a full brain detox and reset takes 4-6 weeks of no digital connection. This is hard in our digital world. Going to the store is going to put children in front of screens. They’re everywhere. And what about school? Schools are encouraging screens at younger and younger ages.

According to Dr. Kardaras, this is how to set limits and combat addiction.

  1. Have your children play real Lego, not Minecraft, and read real books and play real sports with real people like friends and family members.
  2. Have tech-free family time, like dinner time. Steve Jobs didn’t even use tech at the dinner table. In fact, tech gurus like Jobs have historically raised their children in a really low-tech environment and enrolled them in low-tech schools.
  3. Have open and honest conversation with your children about what technology does to a person, their brain and their relationships — if not governed properly.
  4. Help children develop purpose for their lives by encouraging creativity and connection with family members and friends.

    Finally, Dr. Kardaras warns parents not to set bad examples for their children by using technology too much themselves.

    Putting The Pressure On

    Just as more and more research is coming out that proves too much digital is not good for our brains and our relationships, the pressure to digitize everything is piled on parents and children. For instance, there is a national push to digitize education.

    Just this last year in my state a bill was proposed to have all classes taught on iPads. This program would give all children an iPad and turn the classroom teachers into tech support instead of teachers. The bill was shot down, but, according to the president of the Tooele County School Board, the concept is being experimented on in a couple a remote locations of my school district. This type of learning is called “one-to-one” education.

    How can parents monitor and keep their children safe from overexposure to digital devices when the schools are pushing them otherwise? Many parents naively assume schools know what’s best for children, and so might suppose that the technology is good for children, no matter the changes the child goes through. It is good to remember that “one in 10 people are predisposed toward addictive tendencies,” according to Dr. Kardaras.

    In the very near future, schools could be places where screens are teaching more than teachers are. This puts a lot of screen pressure on children and parents.

    Digital devices are also convenient for staying in touch with busy teenagers, so many youth and church group leaders are turning to digital means to communicate with their youth. In one church group in Tooele, Utah there is one child without a cell phone of his own. His youth leaders put their calendars and communications on Google for the group of youth, but this child doesn’t spend his days accessing Google so he’s out of the loop. When the youth talked to his young men’s leaders and asked them to help keep him in touch with them via phone calls or paper calendars, they declined the request and said his parents needed to get him a phone. In fact, the youth and his mother told me that the young man feels bullied by his church youth leaders to go digital and buy a phone just to stay in touch and to stop the negative comments about how he doesn’t have a phone. This is a lot of pressure to put on this boy and his family. This boy’s parents are very conscious of his need to stay addiction free. They’re choosing to have human connections instead of digital ones. The problem is the youth leaders are caught up the in the digital social norm and the conveniences of purely digital communications. They don’t want to budge for this young man.

    Pressures to go digital are everywhere. Schools are increasing pressure. Church groups and businesses are conducting their work digitally too. Even friends are online now. Many youth feel that they can’t have friends unless they’re on social media and play online games. If the youth don’t do these things, then they worry that they won’t have anything to talk about with their friends when they see them.

  5. What is a parent to do? Should we give children phones and tablets or not? Each family must decide for themselves. It is important enough that it should be a matter of study and prayer. The consciences of children will be molded by their experiences and the lessons they learn and the people they know. This means the games, apps, websites and social networks will all help form the consciences of children. What will you do? How will you prepare your family?

    Part of discussing why your family is making certain choices should include a discussion regarding what a digital device really is. Digital devices are tools, not toys. If family members are taught how to use them like tools and respect them like they would respect a power saw or matches, then their ability to keep a healthy disconnection will improve.

    We live in the age of technology, but that doesn’t change the recipe for a happy life. Happy people have strong bonds and feel understood by family members and peers, and they know what their purpose in life is. Happy people will continually progress toward becoming the person they need to become to fulfill that purpose.

    For other ways to improve your parent/child connection and communication, visit www.teachingselfgovernment.com.

    References:

    Daily Mail Science and Tech https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3149025/The-iPad-really-child-s-play-half-toddlers-use-Apple-s-tablet-just-ONE-researchers-say.html

    MIT Technology Review https://www.technologyreview.com/s/506466/given-tablets-but-no-teachers-ethiopian-children-teach-themselves/

    New York Times https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/07/06/screen-addiction-is-taking-a-toll-on-children/?_r=0

    New York Post https://nypost.com/2016/08/27/its-digital-heroin-how-screens-turn-kids-into-psychotic-junkies/

Life Site News  https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/the-madness-of-giving-your-child-a-smartphone