“Choose Not To Be Harmed”

One day my father told me something so profound that it literally changed my social life and my personal empowerment forever. After I finished telling him about how another child at school had been mean to me, he said, “Nicholeen, sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.”

I’m guessing that I wasn’t the only child raised in the last quarter of the 1900s to be counseled by their parents or teachers with this advice (my dad was a teacher).

When I heard this advice, I immediately recognized it as true. Of course! Sticks and stones could cut me, bruise me, and cause me to bleed, but words were just things spit out into the air that I could choose to do whatever I wanted to with. This simple little truth gave me permission to ignore the words I didn’t like or knew weren’t true. And, since I knew my dad was the strongest, smartest guy in the world, I started ignoring mean words and ended up finding personal power.

I wish I could say I immediately started calmly ignoring. I didn’t. At first, I did a fighting kind of ignoring,  which wasn’t really ignoring at all. When another child would say mean things, which has been renamed bullying today, I would holler at them, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but your words will never hurt me.”

When I hollered my wise reply back at them, I immediately recognized that had I lost the upper hand. They would say, “Well, it looks like our words did hurt you or you wouldn’t have to yell back at us.”

I changed. I decided that if I really wanted to be safe from those unkind words, I had to not care that they said something I didn’t like or agree with. I had to allow them to say whatever they wanted to and choose not to get emotional about it. When I finally chose not to be emotionally reactive, I found my power. That’s what Dad was telling me to do with his “sticks and stones” advice, but it took me a few tries to fully understand how to apply this wisdom to my life.

Choose Not To Be Harmed

Marcus Aurelius said, “Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.”

If “sticks and stones” was good enough for a child of the 1980s, then why isn’t it good enough for children or adults nowadays? Why are there so many wars over words and talks of violence? Why are there so many offenses and hurt feelings that people won’t ignore? Where has all the power gone?

Dad drew a line for me that day. There was what was said by others, and what I thought about what was said. Those were two different things. Being emotionally reactive was not considered a plan for a successful life in the 1980s. In fact, this was the dominant way of thinking until recently. Dad wasn’t saying that words couldn’t be cruel or inappropriate to say to another person. Of course they could. Some things shouldn’t be said and are even intended to hurt the feelings of the other person. What my dad was saying was that a truly powerful person knows that they have total control over how they allow their emotions to relate to those words.

Dad’s advice challenged my feelings about words and the amount of power I thought I had. What if the person on the receiving end of the unkind words felt completely empowered to take control of their own thoughts? What if they pushed the emotions away before it was ever allowed to take root in them? What if each person was able to decide what truths or lies they allow into their minds and hearts?

The Coddling of Society

Look around. There are more emotionally fragile victims than ever before. Many youth are feeling confined and defined by their life experiences and hardships instead of rising above them and focusing on their human power to overcome trials.

On September 11, 2001, thousands died in the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks, which started a war on terror that affected the world. Instead of hiding in their houses and focusing on their victimhood, people emotionally stood up and carried each other through the tragedy. People worked all day and night, putting their own lives at risk to save and locate people trapped in the wreckage. Neighbors called each other and prayed for each other. People donated money, food, supplies, time — literally anything needed to help make that hard time easier. Everyone stood a little taller, smiled a little more deliberately, and hugged a little more in an effort to really lift someone up. Americans, Canadians and many others worked harder, complained less, and found an inner strength they never knew they had. People generally become stronger because of war times and difficult challenges. But, in times of peace and comfort we behave surprisingly different.

A person has to logically and consciously allow themselves to change for the better, especially in times of peace. In their 2018 book, The Coddling of the American Mind, authors Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt explain that one of the “great untruths” of our time is “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you weaker.” This means that society is obsessing over what has gone wrong in their lives and being pessimistic. People displaying bad behaviors are given excuses for their actions instead of correction or motivation to move on. And, words are the new violence that people can’t seem to get over. Each unkind word or social media comment turns into a burden to carry. Ignoring the words doesn’t seem to even be an option for some people.

Lukianoff and Haidt suggest the I-Generation is struggling the most with this new emotionally reactive living. They said, “…students make a serious mistake when they interpret words—even words spoken with hatred—as violence.” I-Gen-ers are now equating words to violence. If someone feels bad about something that has been said, others feel justified in retaliating with physical violence; bullying and assault. This explains the riots on college campuses in recent years.

Safe Vs Strong

Many adults nowadays aren’t reaching their youth because they see the world through a be-strong, learn-to-deal-with-adversity lens. Their youth are being trained socially to interact tentatively and fearfully with the world, like people who’ve been hurt and not recovered would behave. The youth want safety because they have been kept in a state of fragility, but many of their parents want them to step up and grow up.

How can we help young people find joy, and not become the victims of their circumstances? Russell M. Nelson said, “The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”

Society’s goal cannot be emotional safety. Of course, there is emotional abuse and that should never be condoned, but we are meant to get through life, not be protected from it. Life will never be emotionally or physically safe enough to protect everyone’s feelings. No “safe space” or word censoring rule will stop a person from feeling attacked if they are looking for the next attack. Here are three strategies parents can do to promote resilience and emotional strength, as well as decrease the social craving for “safe spaces.”

3 Strategies for Being Emotionally Strong

First, focus on who we are, where we are going, and what life is really about. Joy really has “everything to do with the focus of our lives.” When parents focus more on creating portfolios for their children than on building character and connection in their children, the whole family loses focus. When preparing youth for future financial success takes priority over preparing for future relationship success through happy family relationships, our youth lose their identities. Good family relationships, living according to virtue, and solid religious beliefs all bring greater lasting joy than financial success and social status can.

Second, increase patience and endurance by teaching the children to wait for things they want. Patience leads to increased responsibility for good outcomes in life. It teaches cause and effect and shows youth their circumstances can change with their own hard work. We have to stop enabling our children by giving them so much. The lesson of delayed gratification is a hard lesson to teach, especially if a parent could easily buy the desired bicycle or game, but it is one of the most valuable lessons to learn for the child. The more affluent a society gets, the less patient and whinier the population becomes. Nothing is ever good enough for a person with everything. If I can obtain any comfort or pleasure I desire when I want it with two day shipping and without having to talk to anyone about what I need, then why would I expect my discomfort from a mean word to go away any differently than instantly?

Third, teach children to ignore the things that bother them for the sake of their own emotional strength. This means having good old-fashioned grit in the face of adversity and mean words. To attempt to be ideologically protected is not a good life goal, so we can’t protect the youth from new or different ideas. In fact, learning new things and exchanging ideas is part of life. If a person has to know everything before they learn anything, they are short-sighted and setting themselves up for disappointment.

To teach children to ignore mean words, parents can prepare their children to accept “no” answers from them about everyday things when they are young, and then transition the child to knowing how to give themselves “no” answers as they mature. Then, when mean words or different ideas that they don’t agree with come along, they can ignore their emotions about the ideas and words by giving themselves a “no” answer for emotionally reacting.

Hopefully, if they are able to learn calmness and accepting “no” answers, they will be able to both push unwanted emotional responses away while focusing on listening to what the other person has to say and on valuing the other person even if they may ultimately have to disagree on the issue being discussed.

No external source can provide safety to a person who is determined to feel emotional. We have to choose to be unharmed; to control ourselves and our emotions. Not to “stuff” our emotions, but to decide which emotions are productive and which end up putting us in emotional bondage. Self-government is the act of choosing not to be harmed, even if someone intends to harm us.

The only true safety a person can ever have is the assurance that they can be okay no matter their circumstances. Ironically, in the age of “safe spaces,” we aren’t recognizing the safest condition a person can be in, which is emotional security despite adversity. It’s called “enduring to the end,” and it creates peace of mind and joy no matter what words try to hurt us.

This FREE Parenting Assessment Course will give you more direction in helping yourself and your children live more self-governed lives while unifying your relationships.

Respecting Yourself Never Sounded Worse! -UK

Does every good term have to be hijacked, turned around and sent back out to the public as a wolf in sheep’s clothing these days? WOW is constantly disappointed at the international manipulative use of seemingly good words. We have to fight against dangerous terms like “maternal health” and “age appropriate” because these terms and others like them are striped of their moral or factual foundation and given a subjective/moral relativistic spin instead. Such is the case with the term “Respect Yourself,” which is the name of a government funded British educational website for youth ages 13 and up that boasts having a “sextionary” for kids to access anything they want to know about sex and sexuality.

This tax money funded, controversial website has been live since 2013 in Britain, but has just recently been disabled due to the public outcry from a diverse British population. WOW applauds the The Family Education Trust, hardworking parents, and citizens in Britain who have put so much time and effort into drawing attention to the problem website and getting citizens informed and active at solving the problem.

Amy Danahay of “Respect Yourself” told Huffington Post: “We have completed the young people’s wish list. They asked for the sextionary, pleasure zones and the opportunity to ask questions and have them answered honestly.”

I seriously doubt that young people wanted to know the majority of the grotesque sexual acts. As I was looking into the problem website in the UK I found myself, as a married woman with four children who has had sex more times than I’ve ever counted, asking “what on earth is that term?” The site explains more kinky behaviors than a person would ever need to ask, or has even thought to ask for that matter. Clearly, the sextionary website is just another way the sexualization of children is happening under the guise of education.

Speaking of education, I’d be curious to know how the site information is delivered to the children. Are they told about it at school? If so, has it been approved by a curriculum board or governing body tasked with keeping children safe? It is completely unethical for tax money and government employees, who have a position of trust with students, to be used for the sexual grooming of children.

In a day and age when child trafficking is becoming an increasingly serious problem, I’d think that officials would connect the dots and not promote any educational materials that would groom children to be targets for traffickers. Years ago top porn producer was interviewed. He was asked how they train the children for their porn performances and he replied, “We don’t really have to do much. They come porn ready.” This tells us what kinds of children are easily trafficked; the ones who have gotten into sexual stuff.

How could a child come to a trafficker/porn producer “porn ready” unless they have already been experimenting with porn or graphic sexuality? Children aren’t sensual and explicit, that behavior has to be trained by someone else. As a foster parent I was trained to look for children who were too sensual, so that we could detect possible sexual abuse in the child’s past. Is it possible that western society has lost all common sense when it comes to keeping children’s bodies safe from predators? Isn’t this “Respect Yourself” website just another manipulation of a good term that is preying on the children of Britain?

October = National Down Syndrome Month

It is a great time to celebrate the lives of those to make us all remember how unique each person is; our friends with Down syndrome. October is National Down syndrome month and needs celebration.

Of the preborn babies diagnosed with Down syndrome:

  • 100% are aborted in Iceland
  • 98% are aborted in Denmark
  • 67% are aborted in the US

Some may say Iceland has achieved a miracle statistic of 0% babies born with Down syndrome, when in reality their 0% statistic is just them bragging about how easy it is to kill people who are different in Iceland. They have to abort 100% of Down syndrome babies to have 0% born with Down syndrome.

When did it become okay to kills someone just because they are different? When did the perceived inconvenience of raising a child who has different needs become a reason for murder of the innocent? We need to stop this senseless discrimination and killing. Doesn’t each person deserve a chance at life?

Who is really behind the normalization of killing babies anyway? The eugenics movement was the beginning of the abortion trend. The idea of promoting elective abortion to lower class, minority, and parents anticipating developmentally different children was the plan conceived by those hoping to develop a super human race and get rid of undesirables while also keeping the masses in check.

(Sarcasm tone for this next part.) Think how awful it would be if masses of people got a fair chance at life and decided to reach their full potential? Then, all the big businesses would have even more competition. Can all of this killing really be just for money and world control? Can people really be that heartless. Sadly, yes.

Join WOW as we express our gratitude for our friends with Down syndrome this month. Please share this post and video so that we can remind the world that all people have a reason to live.

Sowing Seeds of Local Self-Government in Kenyan Fields: WOW Launches Fundraiser for The Gutuka Project This Fall

This month, WOW is conducting a campaign to generate funds in support of our Kenyan sisters and the children they are caring for in Homebay, a peanut growing region of the Nyanza Province.  The women participating in The  Gutuka Project  are members of a local  SACCO,  a savings and credit cooperative,  chaired under the leadership of The Family Resource Center and Jenipher Otieno.  All Funds generated from WOW’s campaign will go directly to the project. The Family Resource Center provides training and support for orphaned children and families caring for these children. 

The Heart of the Program:

 

The purpose in the forming of the coop initially was to provide sustainable solutions for the many orphans in the area. The women who help take in these orphaned children are essentially doing foster care for them, but unlike other places in the world, there is not government funding for these families.

It is often very economically difficult to add an extra person to a household already struggling in this region. There are currently about 30 women involved in the coop. Most of the women in the Gutuka program are the bread winners in their households. They provide for their families through small businesses that include the farming of peanuts, making baskets, raising poultry and making of foods. What makes these women and the program so special is that many of the women have opened their hearts and homes to orphans, that had no place to go. The Coop makes it economically possible to care for the children as well as their families. Please help these children by making a donation

 

The How of the Program:

 

Each family will be responsible for their own planting and harvest. At harvest, the individual families will be paid cash for their crop. The peanut grinding machine will be kept at a center, where the peanut butter will be ground and packaged.  Proceeds from the sale of the peanut butter will go toward food subsidies for the children, and the future purchase of more peanut seed, which the families will receive for free to replant the next crop.

The Cost of the Program:

There are three financial components to the proposed project. The first is to raise money for the purchase of seed for planting peanuts, estimated around $800 US dollars. Planting time for peanuts begins in November. There are generally two successive plantings for the peanut crop. The second is to purchase a peanut grinding machine estimated at $700 US dollars. The peanut grinder is a means for the women to produce peanut butter, which is a nutritious product as well as cash generating for their families. The third component is continuing education for the women, estimated at $1000 US dollars. Building their capacity through training in business skills, will help them improve their income generating and saving activities. These families have already raised $500 US dollars toward the project themselves by saving $2 US dollars a month consistently.

Gutuka is a Swahili word meaning “self-realization,” or as we would say in the US, self-reliant. This is the type of genuine investment in women that WOW advocates for. Please join WOW in making a donation today to help plant seeds of local self-government in the fields of our Kenyan sisters’ gardens. Just go to WOW’s website, and press the donate button. Enter your donation amount. Tag the donation as “Gutuka Program.” We appreciate your support of this project, and all donations are tax deductible.

Trump Stops Abortion Advocacy

From the beginning of his presidency, US President, Donald Trump, has been clear about his opposition to Planned Parenthood taking federal dollars to increase the number babies being killed by abortion. This week he announced that the government is going to be checking up on Planned Parenthood and others by enforcing the rule that health clinics who receive US title X funding for health care, cannot promote or encourage abortions.

We are mid way through a year fraught with abortion debates starting with some states declaring infanticide legal and other states combating these extreme full term and post birth abortion laws with more restrictive abortion laws which decrease the legal weeks allowed for abortion and disallow discrimination based abortion of Down’s Syndrome children solely because they are diagnosed Down’s Syndrome.

Now Planned Parenthood has answered back by declaring they will no longer take any title X funding provided by the US government for their clinics around the country. This is great news for our future society. Planned Parenthood has used government money as they have coerced low income and minority women to terminate their babies for far too long.

Jacqueline Ayers, vice president of government relations & public policy at Planned Parenthood Federation of America, said Planned Parenthood is not going to stop encouraging abortions.

“It is unethical and dangerous to require health care providers to withhold important information from patients,” Ayers’ statement said. “During this period of limbo while we wait for the court to rule, our affiliates are not using federal Title X funds to provide care. We are continuing to fight this illegal rule in court and to provide care to all people — no matter what.”

Planned Parenthood says it will be using some of it’s own savings to continue to offer abortion services to women. Women still pay to have abortion procedures at the Planned Parenthood clinics, so it doesn’t seem that Planned Parenthood will lose too much of its savings. NPR reported that, “Officials say about 40% of Title X recipients nationwide receive health services at the group’s clinics.”

This very well may be the second most memorable abortion year on record in the United States, second only to 1973 when the historic Roe V Wade decision was made. It is a very good thing that the momentum in the abortion and life debate is swinging toward respecting lives, no matter their socio-economic class. The United States, and other countries, need to stop discriminating against low income and ethnic minorities around the world by funding the killing of their babies. It is time to return to common sense and overturn Roe V Wade.

Unplanned Movie Sends A Welcome Message!

“Unplanned”, the sensitive, caring for all sides of the debate, but brutally honest movie about what abortion really looks like from an insider’s view is healing hearts, causing hundreds to quit their jobs at Planned Parenthood, and giving a welcome message to discuss.Pro-life movies have been made before, but none have been made after some states in the United States came out openly in favor of infanticide and killing full term babies. The family-loving portion of the United States was sick, although kind of quiet and non-confrontational. But, when it came to showing support for life at the box office, “Unplanned” came at the perfect time.

I guess it’s strange to thank the extreme feminists for something, but when it comes to making a pro-life movie a box office hit, they did play their part.

The movie, which came out over a month ago is still showing across the nation in selected theaters. Go see it! Or, go see it again! WOW has never endorsed a rated R movie before, but this movie wasn’t rated fairly. It is obvious that the folks who rate movies had a bias on this one. Many parents are even using this movie to prepare their teenagers for a world where life is devalued and Planned Parenthood is brainwashing the children. WOW recommends taking older children to see this movie and then discuss with them the topic and how easily people get fooled into killing innocent people.

The discrimination against babies is no different than the discrimination against Jews during the Holocaust. They all get to die to help someone else feel better about themselves.

Not only are babies discriminated against, but the producers and actors in the movie have been discriminated against by social media platforms. Just when we thought American was the land of free speech, it is obvious there is censoring going on. The production company made a formal legal complaint and explained how on some of their social media accounts followers were removed and pages were taken down. And, the logo for the movie which is attached to this article was judged as not appropriate for social media as well and removed.

Well, even though some media elites are doing their best to shut down “Unplanned”, we can still show them what America really thinks. See it again. Tell your friends! You’ll all be touched and transformed. It’s worth it!!!

Abortion Nation

The United States seems to be suffering from a bad case of genocide. But, some states are saying, “enough is enough, the killing stops here.”

Genocide is usually associated with third world countries, but in recent years the world’s largest genocides have been happening in highly developed first world countries.

“According to the New York State Department of Health, 285,127 induced abortions occurred in the state between 2012 and 2014. The average number of live births for the same three years was 237,499.” (CBS News January 24, 2019)

Within a two year period New York state had more abortions than live births, yet they thought their abortion laws were too conservative. So, this past January, on the 46th anniversary of Roe v Wade, New York State made a new more liberal abortion law to allow abortions up to the full gestational term of the baby.

The pro-abortionists heralded this new law as a great moment, but the pro-people/pro-life people in the United States felt it was a sad day for the country. “Is life so cheap that killing should be commonplace?” They wondered.

New York’s acceptance of infanticide isn’t unique. Rebecca Downs, with Live Action reported, “Eight states and Washington, D.C., allow abortion until birth for any reason (Alaska, Colorado, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and New York).”

American Answers Back

These eight states are the minority. Most states are still banning abortion after 20-24 weeks. But, a few states seem to have decided to answer the genocide movement by passing more stringent abortion laws which match their family-loving state cultures. Arkansas passed and Utah hopes to pass 18 week abortion bans which put pressure on the Supreme Court to overturn Roe vs. Wade. These two states hope to be the first two of many who are willing to make a political statement that they are tired genocide and of being bullied by abortionist to accept their practices.

WOW is proud of the courage of Arkansas and Utah and encourages other states and nations to continue to protect life and combat the largest genocide movement the world has ever seen, abortion.

WOW Africa: Changing Children’s Lives in 2018

The Worldwide Organization for Women Anambra State in South East Nigeria is led by Mrs. Ethel Eruchalu. The WOW group of women regularly meet to plan and execute how to best assist the girl child and vulnerable women with the resources they are able to procure. In 2018, they were able to reach their goal of providing critical resources to many young women and girls.

They began the year by making a plan to adopt 3 schools-one primary and two high schools. In the primary school, WOW provided tuition for 12 orphaned students, grades k-6. The rest of the 137 students received 6 exercise books each. This helps to reduce the burden on their guardians.

At the Umuokpu secondary school, WOW provided a series of health talks, which culminated in counseling the students in developing healthy habits for daily living during their summer break. This included talks on washing hands and bathing regularly, keeping clothing clean, cleaning toilet facilities, keeping a clean kitchen, and proper food handling. They emphasized bacteria as the cause of much disease, such as E. coli 0157, which is responsible for food poisoning and kidney failure in that area. WOW taught the students that proper cleanliness prevents the development and spread of bacteria and disease. They followed up at the school again in November.

The students at the secondary school in Asuamocha received similar health instruction, but the visit also included the distribution of treated mosquito nets to 390 students and 10 teachers. This region has experienced high mortality rates due to mosquito borne illness.

In November, WOW Africa held its forum at Awka. The topic was, “ Promoting strong Community, and Religious, and Family support for Combating Violence and Rape Against Women and Girls. The format was a round table discussion, which listened to the victims and included boys and girls. WOW-Africa resolved to work in cooperation with religious, civil leaders and women’s groups to effect changes beginning from within the family. Charity as they say begins at home.

Ethel and the WOW women of Anambra State serve the South East region of Nigeria with wisdom, diligence and love.

Let’s Get This Party Started!

We strongly support, and have shared the influence of Mothers- and how we create life, initiate growth, shape culture, and influence nations.  We reaffirm that the time has come for a “Mastermind” of discussions, meant to really dig in, link arms, and act in unity! With that, we are thrilled to introduce MOMTalks- 15 minute presentations (sounds like a party, doesn’t it?) covering all topics related to MOMS- from parenting to public policy- giving women an opportunity to connect, mentor and encourage one another– and even share their own story.  Presentations were live-streamed earlier today, and you can watch for them on the MOMTalks YouTube channel!

MOMTalks- sponsored by Homemakers For America, launched from Liberty Hall, in Ogden, Utah today! On Constitution Day- September 17, 2018 with events being scheduled in 25 Cities in 2019.