Marriage, Motherhood, and the Destructive Intersectional Lens

This year at the Commission on the Status of Women [CSW], at the United Nations, the topic of discussion was finding solutions for global poverty. While some of the family and motherhood organizations came up with good solutions for teaching entrepreneurialism, networking, and developing life skills through training programs and micro-lending solutions, many global NGOs and diplomats suggested solutions that would dismantle the family and decrease marriage.

They advocated for more abortion services to be provided and paid for by governments since, through a socialist lens, it is cheaper to pay for abortion services than for births. Others also looking through a socialist, anti-family lens seemed to care about women in poverty when they said that mothers, wives, grandmothers, and children caring for parents should all be called “unpaid workers” and should be paid for fulfilling family responsibilities, but is that message really honoring wives, mothers and grandmothers? 

These seemingly caring messages can be confusing to listeners if they don’t recognize the true value of family relationships and marriage and the miracle of life. The paid worker suggestion insinuates that roles and relationships in family have the same value to us as money or employment. The reason motherhood and nurturing are so valuable is because it comes without price, and is priceless to society.  No one can financially compensate a person for their love and sacrifice for another. Therefore, when love and sacrifice are given, they are more valuable than any paycheck would ever be. Paying a mother to be a mother would ultimately lead to the exploitation of motherhood. When a person gets paid for motherhood, then a mother becomes a birther and children or services become transactional, not the life-giving, most influential support that they really are when done with a mother’s love. 

When motherhood becomes nothing more than “unpaid work”,  then we promote financial entitlement, lose the whole family unit by focusing on work transactions, and simultaneously disconnect children from their mothers by taking a mother’s supreme status away. A woman’s children would represent money to her. That’s objectification of children and women. 

Marriage is rarely talked about in a positive light at the CSW conferences. Most marriage references refer to child-marriage and how unnecessary marriage is for a woman’s happiness. Ironically, most people discussing marriage are unmarried people. 

Obviously, a person doesn’t need to be married to live a fulfilled life or to find happiness, but marriage and family have led to stable, selfless societies since the beginning of recorded history. When a man and a woman sacrifice for each other and their children by honoring a marriage covenant, the children have greater outcomes and society stays more service-oriented, instead of self-oriented. 

The University of Virginia sociologist and director of the National Marriage Project, Brad Wilcox,  says that data proves that marriage helps all children. He said, “Marriage benefits children of all racial and ethnic backgrounds,” (Fox News, Kendall Tietz “Marriage Promotes White Supremacy According To White University Professor”)

Pat Fagan, Anne Dougherty, and Miriam McElvain from the Marri Research Institute give “164 Reasons to Marry”, including lower abuse rates, more sexual fulfillment, and less drug abuse and better grades for children in school.  

The Intersectional Lens

Many voices at the United Nations are looking through an intersectional lens as they try to solve complex global problems. Viewing problems through an intersectional lens leads to polarization and blame instead of empowerment and problem solving. 

Intersectional theory was invented by Kimberle Williams Crenshaw, a critical race theory and civil rights activist. The theory suggests that certain people, with certain identifiers such as being married, not married, employed, unemployed, religious, non-religious, or being a certain race are indicators of how much a person is oppressed as a victim or is an oppressor. The theory is very rigid and doesn’t allow for a person to declare that they are not a victim or an oppressor if they don’t want to be one. Once they have be categorized through the intersectional lens, then they are socially, physically, and morally stuck. 

At the United Nations the conversations have adopted the terms intersectional and intersectionality to create more victims and oppressors. While discussing widowhood and inheritance rights problems in Africa, which are big problems for women, the WHO organization said that we need to take an intersectional view of these women and therefore give them more access to abortions. It’s true that rape of widows does often happen, but to declare them victims and to just provide abortions gives them no way past their problems. True empowerment shows a person a path away from victimhood, not toward it. 

Take Aways 

The conversation at CSW is always vast and impossible to monitor completely, but what I saw this year convinced me, more than ever, that our families really are the most powerful groups in society, and that we must value them and protect them. If we keep family, marriage, and motherhood in the forefront of our minds and conversations, then the next generation has a chance to see past the false, disempowering intersectional lens that is being presented to us all. 

Family relationships and the organic organizational structure of family bonds has always had the power to throw those who would oppress individuals on their heads. 

Talk to your children and grandchildren about how much family means to you, about stories of family members from the past, and about how the principles in family life, like marrying and having children can lead them to great purpose and fulfillment. Simple conversations can bring a needed light in our darkening world. 

Strengthen your family bonds and better solve family problems by learning self-government 

Are Traditions a Source of Peace or Stress?

Traditions are much more than activities we regularly do for fun or foods we regularly eat. After all, traditions make up a large percentage of social small talk and family discussion, and they help us get to know each other. Traditions set us apart from others as they demonstrate our uniqueness, individualized family experiences, and memories. However, traditions don’t just set us apart, they also unite us. Traditions tie us to other people through a deep sort of bonding that no one else can fully understand. Families, who originate and often recreate traditions, have a connection that runs deeper than personality or common interests. Enduring family relationships are rooted in memories created during  the planning and participation in family traditions.

Family relationships are formed as families establish daily routines, such as, family prayers, mission statements, after-dinner clean up and other family work. On a weekly basis, many families create lasting bonds and memories by diligently planning and having family activities, family meetings, and attending regular events together. Yet, seasonal traditions, especially the ones associated with holidays, are powerful in fostering lasting memories, because of the extra special nature of the tradition and the anticipation it involves.

Family traditions are so magical that they transform us all into children again. During a 2023 Christmas Devotional, Gerrit W. Gong said, “Part of the magic for Christmas for me is to be a child and an adult at the same time. We delight as an adult in what once delighted the child we once were. We delight with the child as we create and recreate memories and traditions together.”

Holiday traditions, whether good or bad, lay a foundation for connection and communication patterns for our lives. The traditional experiences of our past, whether unifying or dysfunctional, influence our identity and bonding habits. They can promote enduring joy or family-oriented anxiety. 

Distress Over Traditions

Maybe this anxiety is why some people worry over creating family traditions and even sometimes hesitate to recreate traditions from their childhoods. On, Connie Lissner wrote an article called “Creating Family Traditions is a Bad Idea.” In her article she suggested that since children sometimes push back against seasonal traditions that parents should consider discontinuing those traditions. She even suggested bribing children to participate in traditions by having all seasonal traditions include gifts. Neither one of these ideas will solve the problem of entitlement, selfishness or complaining behavior in the family. They are simply placing a bandaid over a deeper problem. 

Sometimes children can feel that they have outgrown a tradition or that they would rather do something else with their time, missing the significant point of a family tradition. 

Family traditions aren’t meant to please only one person, they are to unify the group. They create a unique memory that represents the family identity and includes the whole family. Of course it would be perfect if everyone liked participating and found pleasure in the tradition every time, but that isn’t likely to happen since we can’t control the choices or processing of others. So, when push-back happens ask yourself, “What is the purpose of this family tradition? Is the purpose important enough to emphasize even if one person is not having a good time this year? Is it okay or even healthy for one family member to not get his way sometimes?” Sometimes being part of a group involves looking at the bigger picture and not thinking only of yourself and what you want. Bonding is grounded and family identity is established when families create traditions and stick to them. 

There are other reasons people don’t like the idea of family traditions. Some people have had bad experiences with traditions that have left them feeling distressed, neglected, or even abused. If sarcasm, prejudices, aggression, and put-downs are part of family traditions, then it’s no wonder that a person might start to think of family traditions as toxic or hostile environments. These family traditions can potentially pass on unhealthy behavioral patterns that will last for generations. In such cases, it could be best to make new family traditions or have open conversations about how to help the family traditions hit the mark for family unity in the future.  

What We Lose When We Lose Traditions

Gerrit W. Gong said, “A Christmas memory recalled, is a Christmas memory made anew. Christmas memories become traditions.” (Christmas Devotional 2023) When we lose a treasured tradition we lose some of the beautiful family memories that lead to identity, security and hope during difficult times ahead. Memories build traditions and traditions make memories. 

Memories get lost when we give up or lose family traditions. When the memories get lost the opportunity to increase a sense of family identity through tradition is also lost. Family traditions offer families who have had relationship problems the hope for healing relationships and greater happiness in the future.  It gives families a  chance to push aside problems, and to focus on family the way they intentionally want to be as a family. When we stop having traditions we potentially destroy the chance for families to deliberately unify about something when they normally wouldn’t. 

How can a certain game, pudding, Christmas decoration, or bedtime story really do that much good? If the same attention is paid to that item or moment, then that item or moment, when repeated is a reminder of old days and joy in relationships. For some people it likely sounds liberating to adapt to life changes and abandon old traditions. 

However, traditions are roots of identity that our children return to again and again as they go through life. We don’t want to lose that. Maybe those temporary selfish complaints are a sign that a tradition needs to change, but they could also be the sign that they need to just invest more in the tradition instead of looking at traditions through an entitled lens. Before you change a treasured tradition, ask yourself, “Am I changing this tradition into an even better tradition for my family, or am I giving up an important tradition that makes us who we are?” 

How To Create Healthy Family Traditions 

Since family traditions are so foundational, it’s worth the effort to establish healthy family traditions for seasonal holidays. Here are four steps for creating healthy family traditions. 

First, work on yourself. The way we feel about ourselves can directly impact the way we interact with and feel about others. If you don’t like a family tradition or are struggling with family interactions, ask yourself, “Is there anything about my own thoughts or behavior that I’m not seeing which I could work on to improve the situation?”

Second, you don’t need to do every new tradition you hear about. I know that some people struggle with the “fear of missing out” more than others, but don’t overwhelm yourself or your family by attempting too many traditions. 

Third, explain to your children why you want to use traditions from your childhood so that they get some buy-in too. You love the traditions for a reason. Share your stories with your children so that they know what you are trying to recreate. 

Fourth, get input from the family about traditions too. Be sure to be open enough with your holiday tradition schedule to allow for time to try new foods and experiences. Maybe try one new thing each year and see if it turns into a tradition. If it doesn’t, no worries, you still have all those other wonderful traditions, like the fruit cake that everyone loves and the family Christmas Eve talent show. 

We all know people who struggle at Christmas time because they either don’t have anyone to relive family Christmas traditions with anymore, or they had such bad experiences with toxic family traditions, like family aggression, that they dread this time of year. This is very unfortunate since traditions are so foundational to each one of us and contribute to our vision of ourselves.  Perhaps this year is a great year to start a new tradition by inviting someone outside the family group to be part of a special family tradition. Maybe opening our arms and sharing our treasured traditions could be just the thing someone needs to have hope for family traditions again. 

Merry Christmas! 

Video by Nicholeen called Creating Family Traditions That Last 

Toxic Barbies & The Great Happiness Debate

There are times when I do things I wouldn’t normally do just because I wouldn’t normally do it. It’s a kind of self-check to make sure that I’m still open-minded and hopeful, instead of resting in a bias. Allow me to give you some context into my life so that you can understand why it was unusual for me to attend the new Barbie movie. I teach parenting, child development, and relationship-strengthening practices, I also head the Worldwide Organization for Women [WOW]. The WOW organization has been dedicated to the empowerment of women, girls, and families since 1977. Our organization is an NGO with consultative status at the United Nations. It is with 46 years of experience that we express sorrow at the current toxic feminist, even Marxist, messaging that is targeting females and undermining a hopeful, happy future for women and girls. In my role of advocating for women and girls on a global scale, I analyze everything to determine the cause of the effects I see in the lives of those for whom I am advocating.

Don’t get me wrong, I played with Barbies when I was young and some of our favorite cartoons to watch together on a family movie night when my children were young were the Barbie productions. So, I was skeptical, but hopeful when my friend called me and asked, “Do you want to dress in pink and go see the new Barbie movie?” 

I said, “Sure! Sounds crazy, like something we don’t do. I like it.” 

My friend must have known what I would get out of the show (she likely looked it up ahead of time as usual), because she said to me, “Nicholeen, I have a feeling that you’ll end up writing an article about this one.” 

I laughed off her assertion and we joked that I should have paid for the ticket with the business card if it was going to be a business expense. Then we settled into utter disappointment. 

My kind of movie is more like the recent Sound of Freedom movie or classics like The Sound of Music. If a production is done well and doesn’t push untruths, I can usually find something to appreciate in it. However, my family does know me as a pretty harsh movie critic when analyzing for: morality, social grooming, and truth. My children were called the same day I saw the Barbie movie to hear my review. They were actually shocked that I’d gone to that movie in the first place. I kind of was too. 😉 There is a part of me that loves to know what people see, learn, and think with each social trend. The psychological aspect of a movie trend fascinates me. 

In light of all the social buzz about the recent Barbie movie, I feel that some parents might appreciate deeper analysis of common themes found in the Barbie movie that can negatively script today’s children. In my view, the new Barbie movie is toxic. It is an obvious vehicle of the anti-woman movement. 

Many parents worry about what their little girls think of themselves. They see the mixed messages targeted at girls and women which are confusing, disempowering and alarming at best. These ideas are most accurately described as toxic. To say nothing about the messaging that is targeting the identity of men and boys. The consensus of activists seems to be that the threat to global happiness is “toxic masculinity” and “patriarchy.” Where does this messaging leave the future of men and women? Is it even possible to raise children who honor women and men in a world that has adopted stereotypical views of men and women?

The New Barbie Movie

Ironically, the new Barbie movie put out by Mattel, a toy company, seems to be trying to address stereotypes because the main character of the movie is named Stereotypical Barbie. Unfortunately, Mattel completely missed the mark. If they were attempting to unify society by exposing stereotypes – they failed. If anything, they seem to have created a deeper stereotype divide that will inevitably create more social division and disharmony amongst the sexes as our children grow into adulthood. 

Even though the Barbie movie was entertaining, funny, and creative in some places due to some slapstick, ignorant, toy humor, it was ultimately a toxic production, especially for our youth whose brains are not fully developed, and individuals who don’t understand world views and the great happiness debate. The Barbie movie promotes: many forms of entitlement, self-absorbed men and women, disunity, objectification of men and women, a disregard for character development, contention along with passivity (ironically), parental immaturity, disrespect for a creator or plan from a creator, manipulation, despising maternity and babies, rejection of men, scurrilous depictions of manhood highlighted by buffoonery, and, finally, Marxism. 

In a recent discussion with a colleague of mine, he said that the Barbie movie “might be, if you think about it, exposing how absurd modern feminism is.” After some discussion, I saw his point of view but concluded, that most audiences, especially juvenile audiences, who don’t scrutinize messaging when looking for entertainment, would never look that deeply into the production to see it as a backward view of why modern feminism is so toxic. On the contrary, most people are heralding the Barbie movie as a great step toward putting men in their place and strengthening women. Clearly, the movie gives the message that women must be aggressive and dominant to find happiness. 

The Great Happiness Debate

Happiness, its importance, and how to achieve it, has been part of the great debate of civilization since the beginning of time. Happiness means “the agreeable sensations which spring from the enjoyment of good.” [Webster’s 1828 Dictionary] In order to understand happiness, we must also understand the word good. 

Good means “having moral qualities best adapted to its design and use, or the qualities which God’s law requires; virtuous; pious; religious; applied to persons, and opposed to bad, vitious, wicked, evil.” [Webster’s 1828 Dictionary] The word God is actually the root word of the word good. To be good essentially means God-like. In that context, happiness means having a sensation associated with being in alignment with God, likely a spiritual sensation. 

Happiness does not mean the same thing as pleasure, even though throughout history people have asserted that pleasure is the greatest indicator of happiness. This miscommunication about happiness has repeatedly led selfish or naive people down paths of emptiness, corruption, and self-destruction. 

Epicurus, a Greek philosopher born in 341 BC, turned the meaning of happiness on its head by detaching happiness from goodness and associating it only with pleasure in his best-known egotistical hedonistic philosophy. He philosophized that the only thing that is intrinsically valuable is one’s own pleasure. 

Other philosophers and prophets refuted these false Epicurean claims. Jesus Christ showed with His entire ministry and act of Grace that pleasure has nothing to do with the purpose and meaning of life. His life showed that joy, which stems from a deep spiritual connection and alignment with goodness, is most attainable through giving up oneself to/for another.   

Since happiness is directly connected to God, it’s no surprise that anti-god philosophers continually suggest that God destroys happiness, because their definition of happiness is nothing but pleasure. I’m always saddened for people who think pleasure is happiness, because in my experience, I’ve found that pleasure is fleeting and often manipulated or exploited. Pleasure is a weak substitute for the security that comes from joy and happiness. 

Jean-Jaques Rousseau, a philosopher and one of the fathers of the French Revolution was raised without much parental attention because his mother died and his father was absent. He expanded on Epicurus’s philosophical conclusions about pleasure and happiness. He declared religion “tyrannical”, pleasure and personal choice “king”, “equality through entitlement”, society “the enemy of the individual”, and rejected taking personal responsibility if it inhibited personal pleasure. This led him to take all five of his children to an orphanage so that he could pursue his own personal pleasures. 

In the Barbie movie happiness is portrayed as partaking in the following pleasures: “every night is a girls’ night”, disconnection between men and women, expensive clothes, looking good, doing what you want to do, living in a dream house, driving a dream car, wallowing in your emotions or projecting them on others, controlling others to get your way, winning social battles and activism, and apparently going to the gynecologist (that one is disturbing on many levels).  

Spoiler About What Spoils the Barbie Movie

What’s so toxic about Barbie? To be honest, it’s not just the Barbies or the women in the movie who are toxic. The Kens and men are toxic too. All the men and women in the Barbie movie are stereotyped, even the woman and her daughter who represent the real world and the solution for the Barbieland problem. Every character has an absence of character and is advocating for an ideological/activistic agenda. 

Barbie may be a movie that was intended to show how all sides, of the socially constructed ideological battle of the sexes, are selfish and ridiculous. But, that would mean that Barbie is a movie only for adults who understand world views, -isms, stereotypes, and social programming. I don’t think most movie-goers fall into that category. I know they don’t because every time I share my findings about movies, people say that they didn’t see many of the things I saw, or that they didn’t want to think about the things I saw during the movie when they saw them; they just wanted to “enjoy it.” 

For those parents who are intentional in their responsibility to protect their children from the evils of the world, here is a list of what Barbie teaches movie-goers and what should definitely be discussed with children if your children see this movie. 

The opening scene shows girls playing with baby dolls and pretending to be mothers and looking bored. Then they see a larger-than-life sex symbol, Barbie, and they smash their dolls’ heads in and kick them and strip their own clothes off. It was disturbing. Children and those seeking entertainment could interpret this scene as promoting the idea that motherhood and babies are bad. 

While we are on babies, there was a pregnant Barbie that was shunned by the community and always referred to as “gross” or “disturbing.” She didn’t ever have a say in anything but was just kind of tucked away. Also, the mother heroine in the story seemed to feel like motherhood and womanhood was a burden and led to “darkness.” What kind of a selfish message is this? 

Mature families know that it’s family sacrifice that leads to our greatest joys and our greatest sorrows. Giving ourselves to family takes work and subordination of self but is ultimately our source of purpose and true happiness. The only thing this woman/mother gave to anyone was rhetoric about all the hard things about being a woman. 

Her little activist speech which was portrayed as the hero moment of the movie, about how awful womanhood is, was meant to sound like all of this happened to her because of men. The thoughts she shared weren’t thoughts that a man would generally give. I work with lots of families. I’ve noticed that most women put expectations on themselves because of perfectionism or because they are comparing themselves to other women. More times than not, it’s the men who are telling their wives to “relax and not put so much on themselves.” The whole premise of the inner dialog was false, and saying such a negative dialog would only promote entitlement, not healing. 

This woman was celebrated for her “darkness” thoughts, specifically, thoughts of dying. Instead of healing through hope, the movie showed her healing through anger and entitlement. That isn’t how a soul heals. Why would we want to promote indulging in “darkness?” That doesn’t sound like it leads to purpose at all. Talk about disempowering women. Sure, we all have hard times and can get caught up in our own heads sometimes. But, those are times to recognize our ability to identify thought problems and patterns and choose to adjust our thinking or seek help. This woman just gave her poison away. She didn’t adjust herself at all. This is personally and socially problematic. This immature mother character was morally bent. Her character could lead mothers to be selfish, which leads children to feel detachment from mothers in order for mother to pursue her self-interest, or worse that children had to save mother from her problems (dysfunctional), and she would teach men that a woman’s emotions are sovereign. This thinking is toxic. 

Objectification and vanity are a big part of the Barbie movie. Barbie has to go on her expedition in order to make her feet and thighs look better. She is very afraid of cellulite! The cost and coordination of outfits is an important humor piece that promotes materialism and vanity. 

Women, in the real world and in Barbie world are portrayed as objects. They are what they do. They don’t have any value outside of what they do for an occupation. Motherhood is noticeably not an option for Barbie to be a powerful woman. They have to look good and be perfect. To liberate themselves they have to focus on what they do and what they want, and then they change their looks. The movie massively objectifies women. 

The men are also objectified. There isn’t one man that is shown as intelligent, and they are just there to hang around Barbie so that she looks like she has it all. Of course, when Ken turns to patriarchy, the objectification swaps for a minute, but it’s all just an objectification battle in the end, that no one can win because they are all being objectified and exploited. 

Emotions are shown in a confusing light. When Barbie is happy it is shown as false and bad and when she cries or gets angry, then she is seen as good or normal. This makes good seem bad and bad seem good. This would be very confusing to immature, emotional, young girls who have a hard time sorting through their emotional ups and downs. It’s a negative, emotionally weak and entitled message. This isn’t to say that sadness or anger are bad. But, promoting them leads people to seek unhappiness in order to see themselves as normal. This is false messaging and goes against inner recognition of our capacity to handle problems or to choose optimism. 

Several characters in the movie make references to their genitals or lack of genitals as dolls. For example, Barbie doesn’t feel complete without a vagina. So, at the end, after a slightly blasphemous, confusing, and misleading conversation with her “creator,” she happily goes to the gynecologist. There is a disturbing moment when a middle school-aged girl tells Barbie that she doesn’t have anything to worry about at the gynecologist. Why would a middle school-aged girl know this or say this? What are we promoting here? Sexually active teens? And, why is Barbie going to the gynecologist if she has no interest in Ken or men? Is it because she intends to be sexually active? Is this the happy ending that Mattel is offering to young girls? Sexual grooming anyone?

We can’t have a movie about Ken and Barbie without some love, or can you? It used to be that Ken and Barbie were a couple. They went on dates and got married. I had a wedding dress for my Barbie and Ken had a suit. My Barbies always got married. But, in this movie Ken loves Barbie, but she doesn’t want him. So, maybe there is another guy she likes. Nope, she is all for herself. The movie promotes solo living and pushing away relationships. 

Every movie that ends this way bothers me because it turns the purpose of humans and happiness upside down. Sure, not every romance in real life ends in marriage, but there is a reason that good stories end in marriage; why it’s the universal sign of a happy ending. Stories that are repeatedly copied, like Cinderella and the Jane Austin Romances are copied because people love the build-up to marriage: the happy ending. 

In his book Manhood, Josh Hawley gives some great understanding of what marriage really means to society. Hawley says, “If a man wants to meet his purpose as a man, then he will have to give himself away to a woman and bind himself to her. He will have to sacrifice. He’ll have to acquire the character of a husband…Marriage was viewed as foundational to a good life. Today our epicurean age teaches a different message…it is a truth the one can only become one’s self by giving one’s self to another.” 

Modern men have been trained in epicurean thought, and so live for pleasure. What does this do to women? It further objectifies and disrespects them. But, then society tells them that they are bad for wanting pleasure from women. This results in women feeling that men are objectifying them, even if, like Barbie, they are objectifying themselves, and then women retaliate by pushing men away and getting hostile. Epicurean women want their pleasure too, so they emotionally abuse the men. No one gives themselves to each other and they all lose. That is where we find ourselves and what the messages in the Barbie movie will lead to. Each person is just living for themselves. Epicureans would call this a successful culture. But, we see, even from Barbie, that this just creates an oppressor/victim culture. Happiness, if undone, fractures the family and a life of purpose: the foundation of real happiness. 

Men and women gain great purpose through each other and through marriage. Hawely says, “In love we do the opposite from what Epicureans council. We surrender ourselves to love another. That is what men and women were meant for…To love and commit your life to another is to open your life to pain, hardship, and misunderstanding. Love means embracing the hard stuff too.” Marriage teaches us to endure life, instead of just looking for a scapegoat to blame for what is not perfect enough yet. 

Yes, the men in the Barbie movie behave badly. The depiction of men is definitely exaggerated at best, but mostly stereotypical and falsified for effect. They aren’t behaving as good men. A good man is respectful to women and children. They provide for, protect, and preside over their home and family with gentleness and kindness. The bad behavior of these men seems to justify Barbie’s retaliation. However, Barbie was conceited toward Ken first. Even though in her conceit she seemed pleasant, where Ken was gruff in his retaliation. Barbie didn’t value Ken as a person. She was selfish and exploited him, just like he exploited her. No amount of manipulation will solve the exploitation of men and women in our culture. Only love can heal that problem. 

Finally, the housing situation is concerning in Barbieland. I know they were being literal about the Barbie toy line. I guess Ken didn’t really have a toy house released for him. Probably because it was assumed that they’d live together. So, all the Kens in Barbieland are homeless. They really want a home, but the Barbies all have their own mansions and don’t want Kens in them. “Every night is a girls’ night” they say. When the Kens do their patriarchal takeover, they take over the houses. This is significant since they are homeless. It’s interesting to note that neither the Kens nor the Barbies really seem genuinely happy living alone. They do stuff each day, but it is obviously empty living. 

Josh Hawley said about home, “The real feeling of home represents what the husband and the wife have built together in that place. In that place husband and wife, together, endure.”  He explains that that is the reason why going to his grandparent’s house was always so special to his heart and why he wanted to have a home with a woman. There is a presence in a real home where people have sacrificed for each other that can’t be felt elsewhere; it’s a feeling of security and safety. Our children need to know that homes are better when we share them. The selfish messages in Barbie will lead to homelessness, even if people live in their own mansions. 

Toxic Culture End Game

The sad news about the Barbie movie is that more and more people are embracing Mattel’s version of happiness; selfish loneliness focused on pleasure seeking. In contrast, focusing on family at your house, disengaging from the battle of the sexes, celebrating the magnificent order that the ideals of marriage and family bring to the world even if you are a single parent or have been wronged by the opposite sex, can give the rising generation a counter message to what Hollywood is peddling. Our children’s hearts and identities are under attack. We must discuss more with our children and proactively prepare them for the cultural ideological grooming that they are and will continue to encounter throughout their lives. 

When the Barbie movie ended, I noticed that there wasn’t applause or even smiles. There was just silence in the theatre. I saw children holding Barbie dolls and parents silently stand up and walked out. The feeling was thick and awkward. It was as if I could hear parents thinking, “What do I do with this experience? Will they forget it? Will they even see what I saw? Was it so bad? Should I just focus on the funny stuff? Are men really that bad? Is that the way women should handle men who act that way? Why is this happening? Why is this the message given to our children?” 

I felt bad for those parents. I don’t usually write such long articles, but this time I felt like I wanted to help those parents who left with their heads down and in silence. It’s okay that you felt awkward. It’s probably a sign that what you saw wasn’t true or shouldn’t be true. It’s okay to tell the real truth to your children. Please do. Please talk about it. Ask the questions above to them and discuss the themes. 

The Bible says that there is always what is seen and what is not seen, “for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” [2 Corinthians 4:18 KJV] I believe this verse applies to movies too. Look deeper and talk about what is seen and what is not seen with your children. Discussing deeper is good parenting. These discussions with your children could potentially be liberating too. The last thing we need is a society of loveless, selfish, angry, pleasure-seeking people who don’t value anyone but themselves. We can teach our children to see more and be more; be family. 

Improve conversation with your children by having regular mentor sessions. 

Is Technology Ruining Women’s Mental Health?

Technology for women and girls was the hot topic at the United Nations this March. This year at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women, WOW talked about the importance of acknowledging the negative mental health connection to technology usage in women and girls and turning the hearts of the children toward their parents as they navigate the technological world.

Nicholeen Peck spoke about the February 2023 CDC mental health study done on boys and girls that showed girls are at a higher risk for the negative impacts of social media. Girls use social media more than boys, and girls have increasingly poorer mental health scores over the 10-year study (2011 – 2021). She also gave evidence of the positive mental health effects of girls who navigate technology under the supervision of their parents, as well as made a case for using technology less for better mental health.

Amaka Ada Akudinobi spoke from an African perspective about how the focus in Africa needs to be on infrastructure to get people electricity and stable internet to be able to conduct business. She also mentioned the many programs that WOW Africa is doing to strengthen their societies and improve mental health.

Kimberly Ells, author of The Invincible Family, spoke about how the family should be the focus for women and girls, not more technology. She gave compelling examples and taught principles about the power mothers have to help keep their children safe in our current technological society.

WOW had a great turnout at the event and enjoyed all the conversations about technology and family that were had this year at the United Nations.

WOW Africa Radio Speaker Series About Trafficking

WOW takes a hard stance against child trafficking!

WOW Africa has been doing a great job highlighting the trafficking problem in Nigeria and effectively educating the population about what to watch for as well as how to keep women and children safe from traffickers.

Being Your Child’s Safe Place

It’s currently commonplace to see youth aggressively confronting adults when, not too long ago, that behavior would never have been condoned. And, sadly this aggressive behavior is being misinterpreted as behavior necessary for the emotional safety of the child. If parents want to be the ‘safe place’ for their child, then it’s vital that they don’t lose sight of their irreplaceable roles as teachers and guides to their child in the face of day-to-day childhood emotional entitlement.

I once witnessed a 14-year-old child yelling at her mother because her mother said she didn’t feel good about her going to a friend’s house. The yelling behavior instantly changed the focus for the mother. The mother was triggered by her child’s emotion to provide emotional safety for her child, so she allowed the yelling behavior. This led to the mother agreeing with the child and saying nothing about the disrespectful behavior. After the outburst the mother said, “You can go. Come give me a hug.” The two hugged and the child went to the friend’s house. Sadly, this story ends in the child getting into a car accident caused by her friend’s mother driving intoxicated.

Even though the intoxicated mother actually crashed the car, the mother of the 14-year-old, who allowed her to go, is also to blame; maybe even more so. That mother knew the child shouldn’t go to the friend’s house but allowed the emotions of her child to be more important than the guidance the child needed and the gut feeling she had. The mother interpreted her daughter’s emotional outburst as her daughter needing to feel safe. So, the mother assumed that her “no” answer had made her daughter feel unsafe.

Fast forward a few years and this mother/daughter relationship is not healthy. The mother is constantly trying to placate to her daughter’s ever-escalating emotions, and the daughter is unhappy and emotionally disconnected from her mother. Passively allowing her daughter to regularly yell at her has hurt their relationship and disconnected the healthy parent/child bond that should exist.

The Untruth About Feeling ‘Safe’

Many children and parents have been convinced that “feeling safe” means having everything go your way and according to your comfort level. But, in reality, that is the most unsafe position a person could ever be in. When will a person ever be able to control every other person or feeling of discomfort around them? Never, especially if everyone else is attempting to emotionally control every other person around them for their own safe feeling, too. The only way for children to feel truly safe is to be prepared for “no” answers, upsets, doing hard things, and honoring parents who aren’t afraid to guide their children, even if it requires correcting the child’s behavior.

When the words “child” and “safe” are put in the same sentence, parent ears automatically perk up. What parent isn’t concerned about their child’s safety? Looking out for the safety of our children is hardwired into us the moment we see them so tiny and helpless as infants. They literally rely upon us for everything, and we know that they won’t be able to have full autonomy until they’ve gone through proper development. Yet, today, the healthy development of children is under attack by untruths that use words like “child” and “safe.” Confused parents who hope for the safety of their children are being misguided and are creating entitlement problems for their children by facilitating yelling matches with their children.

Saying Nothing Is The Wrong Message

A mother named Christa recently wrote to me with the following question, “I am curious what your thoughts are on the popular notion, ‘Well your child acts out with you because you are their safe place.’ And then person A goes on to encourage person B to just keep doing what they’re doing as a parent. This is not an experience I’ve personally had, but I hear this between other moms a lot and it just doesn’t entirely set right with me.”

There is a reason this statement doesn’t sit right with Christa. It’s an untruth. To suggest that a parent should turn over their parental role to a feeling that a child is having is wrong. To teach a child that they must give into their emotions is to lead them toward emotional bondage for life. Parents who say nothing or do nothing about disrespectful, emotionally entitled behavior in their children are actually giving the message to their children that their aggressive behavior is healthy and effective for solving problems and that family roles are irrelevant.

Why do parents not allow their children to watch certain movies, play certain games, or be on certain apps or websites? Because they can’t condone some behaviors or ideas promoted by those sources. Parents seem to intrinsically know that if they allow their child to see something and don’t say anything about it or stop it, then they are showing approval of what the child has just seen or heard. Saying nothing shows approval.

Principles are broadly applicable. If a parent’s silence during an inappropriate movie shows acceptance of the behavior in the movie, then it is also true that if a parent is silent when a child is rude, mean, misbehaves, or states untruths that the parent is showing approval of that type of behavior or thinking.

If parents don’t teach their children to get calm and respect them, then the child learns two kinds of entitlement, emotional entitlement and relationship entitlement. It also teaches children to be controlling of others instead of teaching them to have self-control.

Parents Can Become Real Safe Places

It is true that a person who is attempting to micro-manage their environment or who is emotionally unloading on another person likely has anxiety at the moment. Anxious or worried feelings can make a person feel vulnerable. This vulnerability can be interpreted as a feeling of not being safe. It is also true that some people don’t express themselves or attempt to solve their problems if they don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about the problem they are attempting to solve. These two observances could be leading parents to believe that if a child yells at them or mistreats them, that the child is doing something healthy and displaying a feeling of safety.

However, another truth about this aggressive behavior directed at parents is that children who create a habit of emotionally dumping on their parents develop unhealthy social boundaries and bonds, unhealthy entitlement issues, lack of respect for parents, and inability to successfully, calmly solve their problems. While yelling at a parent is one way to get a point across, it is not the most effective way to get a point across. Parents who raise the communication bar for their children by teaching them the calm communication skills they need to really be understood and maintain bonds at the same time, ultimately give their children much more understanding and safety for the long run.

The following four actions are useful at becoming your child’s real safe place: have regular open talks with you child, teach your child how to recognize and choose calmness, teach your child the communication skills that they will need to solve problems, and consistently and lovingly help your child course correct when they are going off course.

Teach the child how to talk to you by having regular talks. Children should feel that communication with parents is always welcome. If the child has established a habit of talking and planning with their parents through regular family meetings and talk times, then the child will see having a healthy conversation as a viable option for solving a problem or getting understood.

Teach the child about calmness. Calmness is taught through example and training. Children can learn what calmness is and isn’t and how to recognize calm feelings and behavior in themselves. To teach this principle, parents can deliberately teach calmness to their children, discuss behavior that they see around them, and help their children develop a calm plan for when they are needing to increase calmness.

Communication skills are learned environmentally. Communication methods shown to children, whether healthy or unhealthy, will be seen as the communication standard for the child throughout life. Wise parents create environments where children learn how to accept the “no” answers of life and how to disagree appropriately with others, as well as other vital self-government skills that can help the child be understood throughout life.

As guides and teachers for children, parents express love by pointing out when a child is not on a healthy course and what they need to do to course correct. Parents, more than any other influence in a child’s life, are the ones who have the authority and the obligation to correct their children. When parents consistently and lovingly correct their children, then the children learn that correction is part of life and is healthy to embrace. When children accept correction from parents, this frees them to self-correct. If they don’t get the opportunity to accept correction from parents, then they lose identity and power. Parents who live their identity instill proper identity to their children. And, children who know that they can correct themselves are more motivated to make positive changes in their lives instead of making excuses, not accepting responsibility for their actions, or getting emotionally blocked as people who don’t accept correction do.

Being the safe place for your child is vital for the child’s future security, maturity, and problem-solving success. It requires the parent to take an active, not passive, role in instructing their child and opening communication instead of taking an emotional beating from their child. Christa is right. Allowing a child to yell at their parent just doesn’t feel right. And, coupling yelling, which is obviously not an emotionally safe action, with the word ‘safe’ seems ironic. Calmness and good communication are clearly safer communication alternatives.

Start calm parenting for free with Nicholeen’s free Calm Parenting Toolkit.

Self-Governed People Train Their Focus Forward

“I think I ruined my child,” a mother told me in desperation as she explained some of the behavior problems and disconnection problems her teenage son was having. She was being honest with herself about mistakes that she might have made in her son’s upbringing. My heart ached for her. She might have unknowingly done some things that led her son in the wrong direction. We don’t know what we don’t know. But, it isn’t productive to beat ourselves up for what we didn’t know or mistakes we made. A self-governed person doesn’t spend their time regretting what they’ve done in the past. Instead, they train their focus on where they’re going and on future actions and thoughts so that they can have better outcomes later.

Just because I teach parenting through the lens of the principle of self-government, doesn’t mean that I’ve always been perfect as a person or a parent. I’ve yelled before. I spanked my oldest child once, and then regretted it. I’ve had parent attitude problems and had moments of selfishness. And, I’m glad, because I’ve learned about my possible tendencies and weaknesses so that I can change bad thoughts and behaviors in the future.

Self-Government Is About The Future

Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of our own behaviors so that we can control them. This means that a person determines who they ought to be and then plans to become that best version of themselves. The self-governed person acknowledges that people have weaknesses, and accepts imperfections in order to keep working toward their plan. Self-governed people try to catch themselves in weak moments and gently course correct themselves so that they inch ever closer to the version of themselves that God knows they can become; who they ought to be.

This means that a self-governed person analyzes the past to recognize patterns of thought and behavior in order to better understand cause and effect. The purpose of analyzing past actions and thoughts is for moving forward, not for exposing lack of perfection in the past. A truly self-governed person doesn’t expect themselves to ever be perfect. They embrace imperfections and indefinite chances to improve by being merciful, hopeful, calm, and kind as they correct themselves.

There isn’t a benefit to tearing ourselves down because of flaws. Guilt is healthy, but self-loathing and lack of hope for self is harmful and anti-productive.

Focus Forward With Forgiveness

Idealists are amazing! Many of the most inspiring people I know are idealists. Any person who recognizes that they can improve themselves, work harder, discover more, become better, or lift others is somewhat idealistic. They see a vision of what is possible and work toward it. They hold out hope for increased goodness in all things. But, idealists are also likely to struggle with forgiving self or others for mistakes or deliberate bad choices.

A good parent knows that to help a child have a change of heart, a parent must continually forgive childhood mistakes and keep teaching with optimism and purpose. Children respond better and recognize more truth if damaging emotions like fear and shame don’t pollute the teaching and correcting moments that are required for their improvement. This tone of trust, acceptance, love, calmness, understanding, and teaching that good parents must use to reach their child’s heart and look past mistakes in the tone of forgiveness.

Why, then, would we parent ourselves with anything less than forgiveness, too? That’s right; adults parent themselves. We instruct, praise, and correct ourselves…or we don’t. Either way, it is parenting. And, when we parent ourselves with hope, respect, understanding, calmness, trust, acceptance, and love, we change our focus from what happened to what will happen in the future.

Self-Government Is All About The Future

It’s much more productive to focus on what will happen or can happen in the future than what has happened in the past. Training ourselves to focus forward guides our steps and trains our thoughts for success instead of getting us stuck in past mistakes.

When I teach people about setting up a self-government environment in their own homes, I always begin by talking about what families hope to become and what gets in the way of those hopes. When we discuss what gets in the way of becoming the family they feel they ought to be, many parents acknowledge that things like distraction, selfishness, lack of good communication, not having the right skills, fatigue, and damaging outside influences, etc. all affect their family cultures and desired family outcomes. As we make the list of what gets in the way, many people feel liberated. They recognize that they can plan for how to navigate most of those things and that focusing on excuses will never solve the problems they see. They must look past the obstacles.

Keeping focused on where we are headed gives us a clear path in a cloudy world. The same mother who thought she had ruined her child recently told me, “Nicholeen, even though my son isn’t bonded as well as I would like yet, he has some good moments. We are making progress. And, more than anything, I know that I am doing everything I can to help us develop a better future.”

This family isn’t perfect yet. Self-government is a lifetime pursuit and takes vigilance. But, they are moving forward. She has forgiven herself and her son, and they are building on the good experiences and hoping for more as they learn the skills they need to navigate the difficulties they are facing. Anti-family, social messaging has drawn this boy from his family bonds and his moral roots. But, a family focusing on the future is showing him the truth about family and setting things straight.

True freedom, which comes from living the principle of self-government, is available to all people as long as they forgive themselves and others from past mistakes and keep their focus on where they are going. We can learn from the past. Cause and effect is vital to self-government learning. But, we shouldn’t get stuck in the past or take the past personally. Freedom is a focus forward principle.

Get the skills and focus help you need with Nicholeen’s Teaching Self-Government course.

Mixed Messages About Anxiety & Fragility

The subject of anxiety can be confusing. Anxiety seems to be part of everyday conversation these days. I’ve heard some people shake their heads and call anxiety a “contagious, modern epidemic,” and yet I’ve seen many real, intense anxiety attacks that leave people worn out and hopeless. Some people say that anxiety is something a person can’t overcome, yet I see people, including myself, not give in to anxiety all the time.

Anxiety is real and can be hard to handle sometimes. But, are we using anxiety as an excuse not step out of our comfort zones, thereby encouraging fragility? Who is at risk for anxiety? And, what can we do to lovingly help someone not become fragile or debilitated by their anxiety episodes?

Who Is At Risk For Anxiety? 

Everyone is at risk for anxiety, but especially children because their brains aren’t fully developed, which makes them less able to solve their own problems. If everyone experiences anxiety, then why does it seem like we’re having a harder time with anxiety than ever before?

Problems are more pronounced when they are labeled. Nowadays we label anxiety and every other processing difficulty. Our society loves putting people into boxes based on what they think, feel, believe, desire, how they process, or their emotions. The term anxiety is a very common box we put others and ourselves into.

We all experience excitement, stress, fear of the unknown, or lack of knowledge sometimes. Anxiety is less of a diagnosis and more of a moment to get through when it’s called butterflies, nervousness, and stress or concern instead of anxiety. Since overcoming anxiety is common, let’s not use anxiety as an excuse; let’s think of it as an opportunity to step out, overcome, and grow.

It was 1992. My teenage heart seemed to be pounding extra loudly in my chest, my breathing was quicker, my thoughts were racing. What was my line again? I couldn’t remember. It was almost time to go on stage and I wasn’t sure I would even remember my cue. At this point a fellow actor asked me, “Do you ever get nervous before you go on stage?”

This question brought me back to reality. I took a deep breath and responded with, “Yes, I guess I do. I seem to be having some butterflies right now, in fact.”

I was having butterflies, also known as anxiety, but I knew I had to go on that stage and take action despite my anxiety. Long ago I made taking a deep breath and a leap of faith my go-tos for butterflies and anxiety.

After countless plays and singing and speaking opportunities, I don’t get stage anxiety very often, but it occasionally still happens. A few times, when I was young, I completely shut down because of the anxiety, but I eventually learned how to keep going and get myself to calm down and focus.

Playing piano in public was and still is my scariest action to perform. At multiple piano recitals and performances, my brain shut down completely. I didn’t know what line I was on, what the notes were, or where my hands were supposed to go. I really didn’t know. I was overtaken with anxiety. It’s awfully embarrassing to sit at a piano in silence in the middle of a song with people looking on or trying to sing and know my brain has shut down due to stress. By age 21 I taught myself a useful skill; don’t listen to the music or watch the hands, just read the notes and trust. This stopped me from focusing on my anxious feelings.

There’s Anxiety and Then There’s Anxiety!

Normal anxiety, like the kind I experienced before going on stage and when publicly playing the piano, is common, but clinical anxiety is not. If a person has clinical anxiety, it will last for a long period of time (6 months or so), the episodes will be extremely intense compared to normal anxiety, and the person will likely be impaired in some way (i.e. not behaving at age level).

How To Help!

For years I did treatment foster care for youth, and many of them had issues with anxiety. No matter if they had clinical anxiety or normal anxiety, the solutions were the same.

This was the recipe I used to help my foster children, and I have since used it to help my biological children and others that I’ve been privileged to be able to help get through anxiousness.

  • Create a strong bond with the person.
  • Treat people like people, not conditions.
  • Do not coddle anyone. Coddling leads to entitlement and more fear.
  • Think about how much you love the person, even if they are being difficult right now. Make sure that love shows in your eyes, body, and tone of voice.
  • Remember and remind the person that they can do more than they think they can when they are feeling anxious.
  • Anxiety can be useful for survival, but it can also stop a person from thriving. Is this person really in danger or just stopping themselves from thriving? If the person is wisely averting an actual danger, then discuss that. If a person is stopping themselves from thriving by not stepping out, then they might need a nudge, an assurance, and a skill to fall back on.
  • What does a developmentally normal person do to overcome this fear or problem? Even if the person has clinical anxiety, the same skills will work. One important skill I usually teach youth is how to “drop the subject” in their mind.
  • When a person makes a mistake or fails, that is still a success because they tried. All successful people “fail forward.” Praise their effort and talk about the increased confidence they gained for pushing through the anxiousness or stress.
  • Help people have a can-do attitude. Doubts hold us back and are often nothing more than lies. Focus on the truths you know instead of the lie that the anxiety is creating in your head.
  • Help people become anti-fragile by recognizing the signs of anxiety that inhibit thriving and teaching them to say to themselves, “That’s just anxiety. I choose not to think those thoughts anymore. I’m going to take a deep, cleansing breath, and take an action step forward.”

Catering to Anxiety Leads to a Fragility Mindset.

When I was young, people didn’t label or diagnose my panic; they just told me lovingly that panic/anxiety happens sometimes and to keep trying. It used to be commonplace for people to promote mental toughness. It’s true that sometimes people erred by not understanding or showing compassion when trying to teach mental toughness. But, most people taught that as every person learns and grows, they must try new things, occasionally fail and freeze up, and try again. This was the pattern for success. Society and adults didn’t save a person from their mistakes or baby them. Instead, they understood and then helped them make new goals to try again to beat their fear or accomplish their goal. This was motivating and led to increased maturity and problem-solving skill development.

There are three options when anxiety episodes hit us. First, be fragile and allow the anxiety to stop us from doing new or hard things permanently. Second, don’t do a new or hard thing, but then be resilient and decide to try again next time. Third, be anti-fragile by knowing how to regulate anxiety and do that hard or new thing. No matter what, new actions, situations, and changes are hard, but people were engineered to adapt, overcome, and have faith that they can do hard things.

Nicholeen’s free Calm Parenting Toolkit is a great resource for helping you and your loved ones learn the skills of calmness to combat their anxiety.

Making Pedophilia the New Normal?

Overpriced Furniture? 

Facebook owned Instagram recently shutdown an AZ couple from questioning and speculating why human names were attached to particular pieces of furniture and selling for tens of thousands of dollars at an online retailer, which appeared to be ridiculously overpriced. The couple had concerns it could be a front for child or human trafficking. News media outlets quickly responded in domino effect decrying the couple’s suspicions as conspiracy, and then flipped the  narrative in trying to make the couple appear suspect.  This type of news spin, circling around the media carousel  leaves the spectator unsatisfied and more suspicious of something afoul. After all, most online shoppers have come across ridiculously priced items, which apparently if you now question or try to investigate yourself, you are labeled a conspirator and told “nothing to see here.” But the AZ couples’ suspicions are not really so unfounded.


Years of rumor are turning out to be factual with the recent allegations of child sex abuse and trafficking  in the case of Jeffery Epstein to which the extent of its reaching may never see the light of day. Accusations in the Epstein now turned Ghislaine Maxwell case extend  beyond the local red light district and into an international highbrow crowd, who are scrambling to clear their names.

Berlin Authorities Systematically Placed Children with Pedophiles

Germany’s sweeping investigation is making European headlines after it was exposed that in West Berlin, foster children had been systematically placed  into the homes of pedophiles over a 30 year span. The nefarious practice was initiated by professor of psychology, Helmet Kentler (1928-2008). He acquired support for his project  that reached  all the way  to the Berlin Senate. Kentler, like Alfred Kinsey, was able to fund the sexual abuse of children as university research, even pairing the sexual predator to the victim in his experiment.  Kentler advocated  normalizing sex with children, and promoted ideas such as,  “sexual contact between children and adults is not harmful,” calling  them acts of “love.” The last documented Kentler placement of a child into the home of a known pedophile was in 2003. A valid question yet to be answered is how could a  policy of institutionalized child sexual abuse be  kept  concealed for 30 years? It had to have involved a network of university staff,  lawyers, social workers, judges etc.  There were rumors over the years with some reporting, yet they remained un-investigated and unanswered until either the statute of limitations came into effect, or after the death of principal participants.

 Testing the Waters

It was in the 1970’s, during the height of the sexual  revolution, that Kentler began his pedophile placement program in Germany.  As if on queue, media support in the US and abroad of Kinsey’s fraudulent science on human sexuality, coincided also with two pedophile organizations, North American Man/Boy Love Association, NAMBLA, and British Paedophile Information Exchange, PIE  to openly campaign for “children’s sexuality” and laws to lower the age of consent.  Today, the same policies are again being repackaged  and promoted under such terms as  “child sexual rights,” which is a pillar in comprehensive sexuality education now being taught in schools across the globe.

The current legal and political unraveling of sexual norms  is  again encouraging   NAMBLA types to test the waters, and a resurgence of propaganda advocating sex with children has been popping up in social media hangouts, even neighborhood flyers. It seems the uninvited pedophile has aims of inclusion into the alphabet mix of sexuality. Conditioning the public is always part of the process for acceptance. Many have now exposed the Hasbro Troll doll, Poppy, as a possible deviant attempt at grooming children for abuse. Hasbro has since pulled the troll dolls from shelves. The doll had a button between her legs, right where her private parts would be, that could be pushed and sounds like sexual enjoyment would come out of the doll. 

Facebook post
Denver Flyer


Word choice like “child sexual rights” is very calculated, especially in the political realm. When documents, proclamations, or resolutions contain new language or words that appear obscure or undefined, it is usually a red flag for doublespeak- a combining of Orwell’s “newspeak” and “doublethink.” Ageism is one of those new  words. It sounds compassionate to promote communities free from ageism, but  it’s not just the elderly that’s included under such ill defined language. 


Online Pandemic

The sexual abuse of children may actually be the online pandemic affecting children today, and the internet is the fastest, and easiest means for abusers and traffickers.  Germany is now investigating more than 30,000 suspects in an online pedophile probe. Justice Minister Peter Beisenbach in support of the cybercrime unit in Germany’s North Rhine-Wesphalia said, “I did not expect, not even remotely, the extent of child abuse on the internet.”


This is a difficult subject, because child sexual abuse and sex trafficking is a perpetrator’s attempt to rob the innocence, and to steal the soul from the victim. Just reading about it can induce overwhelming feeling. Thankfully known percentages of abducted missing and exploited children remain low at less than 1%. A large percentage of sexually trafficked youth are runaways, that have been exploited. You can find additional facts at Unfortunately the exploits of sex abuse in regards to the production and exchange of child pornography remains largely unknown.

Please download two free e-books from WOW’s website, “Simple and Safe” and “Before They Connect” to  find out how to keep your family safe.

To Learn more about comprehensive sexuality education, and how to keep it out of your child’s school go to

Contact local law enforcement if you have grounds to suspect abuse. A youth that is carrying all their personal belongings, doesn’t know where they are, and appear in distress may be a youth in trouble.

File official complaints to corporations that sell, or social media platforms that promote adult sex with children, or the sexualization of children. Take screen shots, and send to your friends and family, especially if they are an influencer and have them launch complaints also. The media too often calls a case open and shut, playing judge and jury, with social media platforms like Facebook  & Youtube enforcing the gag orders. Passage of the EARNIT Bill is a first step in holding social media conglomerates accountable.

Contact your Senator and encourage them to support the EARNIT Bill 2020. 


If You Love Me, Smile!

Smiles are healthy and healing.

There are more sources for comedy than ever before with online video platforms, social media memes, and GIFS, yet people aren’t happier. In fact, depression and suicide statistics that are increasing all the time show us that people are sadder and more hopeless than previous generations. No program, hotline number, or amount of money or worldly goods will make society happier. Happiness is a condition of heart that is created by connection, purpose, truth, and hope.

Love Like Dianne

Years ago, while attending an event for my son, I saw my friend Dianne do something in just a few short minutes that gave my daughter, Londyn, connection, purpose, truth, and hope. Dianne was in charge of a multi-day event that hosted hundreds of boys for training on how to be a knight of freedom. She was scheduled to speak to the boys and their parents on the final evening right before the final event. Shortly before her speech, she noticed me and my youngest children playing on the playground. Londyn was four years old and Porter was two.

When she saw us, she casually came over and climbed onto the playground. She smiled at me. I smiled back. She smiled at Porter and got him to smile. And then she smiled at Londyn and sat down next to her. Londyn, who normally wasn’t comfortable around people she didn’t know, seemed to feel instantly easy with Dianne. Dianne started asking her things about what she liked and what games she played with her baby brother. Then Dianne started playing on the toys with Londyn. It was as if Dianne was a child and just knew exactly what Londyn wanted to do next. They talked and played and I watched with great interest as this grown woman didn’t even seem to notice me. She only noticed Londyn. Everyone felt comfortable and loved.

After a few minutes of play time, one of Dianne’s assistants came to tell her that they needed her to come speak to the group now. So, Dianne said, “Londyn, it was so nice to play with you and get to know you better. I’ve got to go play with some other people now. I hope I get to talk to you again sometime.” She climbed down from the play set and smiled at me. Then she said, “Nicholeen, you have such beautiful, thoughtful children.” And she walked off to speak.

Dianne is probably one of the most sincere people I know. She doesn’t fake who she is to impress people. She doesn’t seek for advantage. She just loves everyone she’s with. I was always the kind of mother who played and talked with my children, but I was inspired that day to bring some Dianne into every play time, work time, and moment of my life.

Dianne connected with all of us by smiling. She connected with Londyn by looking into her eyes, talking and listening to her, and playing. This moment of connection gave Londyn the truthful message that she was valuable. Dianne didn’t talk to her mommy, she talked to her. Dianne didn’t even seem to see anyone else around her but Londyn. It was very clear that Dianne thought Londyn was important enough to stop everything she was doing and ignore everyone else around her just to spend time with Londyn. Londyn was more comfortable with adults after this encounter. Dianne showed her truth that adults and people she didn’t know didn’t have to be scary. In this one brief connective moment, Dianne helped Londyn find more purpose as a young girl and have hope that the world was a safe place. And, it all started with a smile.

Smiles Can Heal Hearts And Give Hope

In a recent Facebook live post, Hollywood produce and writer, John Paul Rice, blew a whistle on corporate America protecting child traffickers. He spoke openly about the pain many children are facing because of the child trafficking culture we live in. He admitted to not being raised well himself, but said that a sincere and loving smile to a child could be a great gift of hope in a dark world.

In addition to Mr. Rice’s exposure of a horrific social problem that exploits children sexually, there are other reasons people feel like they’re living in darkness these days. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, lies, fractured family bonds, and much more lead children and families into dark corners of their minds, but a smile has the power to bring a person to the surface to see the light.

Smiles tell someone that they’re important, that you care about them, that life can be good for them, that they make the world a better place by being in it, and that love and light casts out fear, loneliness, and pain.

We should smile more.

This week, set a goal for how many people you will smile at each day, and you will probably exceed your goal. Why? Because smiling feels good. In fact, it lightens the owner of the smile as well as the person being smiled at. Over time, you will become addicted to looking for goodness and smiling. Yes, smiling increases gratitude by helping us acknowledge the good people and circumstances in our lives. I know some days may seem like there isn’t anything good to smile at, but deciding to smile at a person, even if it’s just yourself in the mirror, will lighten your mood and make you more grateful to be alive.

Start now! See how you feel and the connection you experience when you smile at the next person you see. Deciding to smile is an act of self-government. It’s a deliberate choice to make your day and your life better. What if smiles could help everyone feel more in control?

Learn other self-government lessons by visiting Nicholeen’s Teaching Self-Government Website.