Home Power – The Solution to Social Ills 

Society, with all of its innovations and intricacies, has lost the vision of home power. With social and political upheaval happening around the globe, parents wonder how to raise up a new generation of people who can set things straight, get society back on track toward goodness, diplomacy, truth, and healthy problem-solving. The solution to these modern problems lies in truths that were fully understood in the past and taught through home power.

Gaskell wrote, “The home is the epitome of society and government.” Whatever happens in the home is what ultimately happens in society. Does this mean that our homes are encouraging social contention and war? Or, maybe, is it that the world’s social and political wars have crept into our homes and shaken the bonds of love, affection, truth, trust and acceptance that should exist there to provide a stable, calm foundation no matter the troubles? What happens to the upbringing of our children if the world raises them through the media in our homes instead of getting life training through the home-training of parents? 

Home Power

Samuel Smiles said, “…home-training includes not only manners and mind, but character. It is mainly in the home that the heart is opened, the habits are formed, the intellect is awakened, and character molded for good or for evil…From that source, be it pure or impure, issue the principles and maxims that govern society. Law itself is but the reflex of homes. The tiniest bits of opinion sown in the minds of children in private life, afterward issue forth to the world, and become its public opinion.” 

Homes have the power to cure or canker society, to corrupt, control, or curtail law. Homes form and open hearts, create stable or slippery foundations, and catapult family opinions into the public sphere, whether true or false, emotional or logical. When we seek to problem-solve the social ills around us, why do we look first to law and legislation, when we should be looking first to home culture, self-culture, and true power; home power? 

Could it be because focusing on improving home culture and self-culture requires taking personal responsibility, self-control, and consistent work, and that law and legislation are just about controlling others and placing blame? The hardest work we ever do is to work on improving ourselves. Healthy homes teach and exemplify self-improvement as the means to happiness and success. 

Home power is a true power. No matter if the home produces moral or immoral opinions, good or evil children and adults, it still has the power to form them. Home power reaches into the formation of thoughts, ideas, morals, character, manners, civility, spirituality, connection, problem-solving, skill development, relationships, habit formation, and condition of heart. 

“Thus the home may be regarded as the most influential school of civilization…” said Smiles. “…civilization mainly resolves itself into a question of individual training, and according as the respective members of society are well or ill trained in youth, so will the community which they constitute be more or less humanized or civilized. The training of any man, even the wisest, cannot fail to be powerfully influenced by the moral surroundings of his early years.“ 

Nurture and Culture 

Consider mothers. From the earliest moments of a child’s life, mothers encircle their child in the arms of affection and love. They protect from harm, instruct in virtue, and correct vice. They form language through songs, stories and simple conversations. They create thought and action habits through living with the child. They socially introduce the child to the world, and set protective boundaries to keep the child steered in their desired direction. 

Mothers nurture. To nurture is to strengthen, nourish and correct. Mothers are not afraid of telling their child “no” and teaching their child that frustration, pain, mistakes, sadness, stress, and loneliness are part of life and can all be overcome. Through love, mothers allow their children to learn and stumble and bounce back again and again as they master their first steps and their social catastrophes. Without the nurture of mother, a child misses what only a mother can give. The heart and confidence of a mother. 

Consider fathers. Throughout all the phases of development and life, father sets the ultimate example for success or failure for his child. He is the person in the child’s life that offers a special kind of acceptance that confirms to the child that they are socially acceptable and valuable despite their failings and struggles. Through father, the child sees their ability to progress. 

Father establishes a culture for living that either compliments or contrasts to mothers. If complimentary, then the child has a firm compass for future success. If contrasting, then the child must test mother’s wisdom against father’s example and choose for themselves. This can be difficult, and some children fall from mother’s teachings. 

Father gives his child a larger view of life by not being the designated nurturer, but still engaging in nurturing and protecting. Fathers protect by setting an example and living virtuously. They point their children toward truth through wisdom, but mostly through the way they live their lives. Children usually set their life bars to the bar that their father set for himself. 

Family culture is unique to any other culture. This is why people are always intrigued to learn about other people’s upbringings and why people often share their upbringings for context in conversations. The method of nurture and the home culture for the family ultimately create the foundation for the child, and that foundation is formed much younger than many people realize. Before the child can fully converse they already know how to socially engage and what priorities matter most because of the nurture and culturing of mother and father. 

Grandparents are also a key part of the nurturing and culturing of children. They offer a second witness to all the teaching from the parents, or they offer another view of life, depending on if the virtues of parents and grandparents are the same or different. Healthy bonds with grandparents give the child a generational view of life and identity that provide the child with increased confidence, wisdom, and purpose throughout life. Ideally, they are also a voice of truth that can reach a child during difficult times when a child may be turning against the ways of their parents or need another wise opinion. 

Solving Social Problems

In order for the social ills of today to be turned around, society must focus on home power. It would be naive for us to believe that all the problems are coming from outside our homes. The way we best engage with the outside influences is for us to exercise our home power. Do we take it all in or not? We can choose. 

When we put our focus on parenting and grand-parenting in deliberate ways and we set boundaries, teach skills, and correct and instruct our children when needed, then we are acknowledging that we are more powerful than some family exploiting voices want us to think that we are. We can choose to have positive or negative effects to our home power, but the home power is constant. Homes do form people. They are that powerful. It’s just the parents who realize this fact that end up having results that can strengthen society, instead of taking society of track. It’s never too late. The world is never too far gone. But, to right the ship and put things back on track, we have to acknowledge and strengthen real power; home power. 

Strengthen your home power by learning the not so known secret for parenting success, here. 

Parenting with Grace

Children aren’t perfect, and neither are parents. However, parenting isn’t about being perfect. And, there’s no such thing as a perfect child. Of course, perfection isn’t the goal of my parenting anyway. My goal has always been to create joyful adults. Joyful adults are those that know what their mission in life is and they’re dedicated and eager to do what it takes to achieve this mission. They also have solid relationships with God and family. 

The key to becoming joyful parents and joyfully parenting is learning how to parent with grace. There are two ways I practice grace during parenting. And in the process, it helps my children become who they’re meant to be.

Giving Hearts

The purpose of nurturing and guiding children is to train their hearts toward goodness. To touch the heart of a child, the parent’s heart must also be turned toward the child. In order for the child to trust the parent to guide his/her heart, there must be a feeling of goodwill and caring from the parent. How can parents maintain a soft heart while helping their child have a change of heart too?

To create an environment that feels safe for a heart to change, a parent must lead by principle — not by emotional reactions. Additionally, the parenting should be honest. This requires consistent, well-taught and predictable teaching. That includes proper correcting during interactions. But the most important part of creating a heart-changing atmosphere at home is keeping the parent’s heart in the right place.

This is important because people learn more from feeling than they do by logic. Logic is required to discover rational honesty in order to engage the will and brain in overcoming selfish desires and dangerous, uncharitable misconceptions. But it’s the feeling or tone that exists in any given situation that has the power to change the heart for the good… or bad.

So, to manipulate a heart you use controlling or fearful feelings. But to honestly transform a heart, you have to use genuine honest feelings. Yes, there are different kinds of feelings. There are dishonest, selfish feelings and there are honest, duty driven, charitable feelings. Real understanding, compassionate, service-oriented love — for instance — is a kind of feeling that makes us better people and lets others know they really matter to us. But, passion-driven, preference oriented, physical love is really only about one person wanting another to comply with them for selfish reasons, which is manipulative.

When a parent or a child has a genuine, heart-felt love for the other, then he/she gives their whole heart to the person, nothing wavering. This means they don’t talk in ways that attack others. They don’t think the worst of the other or gossip about the other. It’s this feeling of giving the whole heart that makes any teaching or accepting of a correction feel safe, honest and unified.

Grace Moments

Fully understanding and applying grace is a lifetime pursuit of mine. It’s more than can be taught in this short article. So, for this parenting lesson I’m going to focus on two aspects of grace that can be easily applied to our parenting moments:

  1. Seeing them through it.
  2. Giving them heart power.

First, seeing them through it could mean helping children through their life’s challenges as a loving, always-there-for-them support. Or it could mean no matter what behaviors we see on the outside; we should take the time to see the “real” them on the inside. Both of these applications are important for transforming our parenting moments into moments of grace.

I see so many parents emotionally turn against their children when the hard moments come. They feel the bed wetting, the teasing, the emotional barriers, and the attitude problems are too much to handle. As a result, parents then end up feeling frustrated and alone. Frustration and loneliness are two signs that the heart isn’t in the right place.

Home should always be the safest place to make mistakes. We must not take mistakes personally. If any mistake is okay to work through, then parents are properly supportive.

Seeing children through it also means seeing their true value despite their behaviors or mistakes. This is the most important focus a parent can have. When children don’t meet expectations, it’s easy to obsess over bad qualities and become bothered by the children. It’s not a parent’s job to focus attention on what they’ve done wrong as much as it is to focus attention on what they need to learn in order to do right. Both focuses require correction, but only one focus is productive.

Second, parents should focus on giving their child heart power. To really have grace is to share this heart power. This means a parent wouldn’t be content with keeping all the love, all the truth, all the correct behaviors, all the understanding, or all the attachment to themselves. Rather, they would willingly do all they can to help the child develop these strengths as well.

The best way to help others feel empowered to become their best is a process I think of as touching hearts. Every time a parent teaches their children about life, family, corrections that need to be made, and the purpose of it all, they must do it with heart. They look into their child’s eyes and think, “I love you. You are a great person who I feel privileged to teach. I love you.”

These thoughts come through, even when a parent is telling a child to do a chore or fix a mistake he/she has made. This feeling never stops. This is a feeling that never, ever gives up on the child — no matter how bad the choices are that the child makes. I know it’s easier said than done to feel this love during corrections. But trust me; it is possible.

It’s my goal to bring every interaction and relationship I have up to this level. The work is slow; and my imperfections are apparent. But, when I have moments that feel like parenting grace, I am motivated for a lifetime! Nothing can compare to the increased love I feel for my child and for God during these moments. For I know that without His love and understanding for me, I wouldn’t have enough power to show love to others in this way.

Parenting A House United: Changing Children Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government is a book designed to help parents and children have a change of heart.

Where Have the Adults Gone? A True, But Unfortunate Story

Where Have the Adults Gone? An Unfortunate, but True Story

A friend recently told me of her niece’s experience as a fourth grade public school teacher. The name has been changed. Paul is her student. One day mother showed up to the classroom with Paul, and explained that Paul would now be called Paula, and would be referred to with feminine pronouns. The alarmed teacher went straight to the administration, and the wise decision was made not to meet the mother’s request. The mother had the ACLU brought in and Paul is now referred to as Paula with feminine pronouns at the school, and he now uses the girl’s restroom.

Being an advocate for children, a former public California school teacher and someone who has worked with hundreds of children, this story struck hard at my conscience and heart. I asked where are the responsible adults in this child’s life? For Paul and all the future Pauls’ benefit, this story needs to be told and logically sorted through.

Foremost, Paul’s story illustrates the miserable failing of the adults to protect and correct.  Paul’s mother demanded that a lie about her son’s sex be perpetuated by the school, against scientific fact and with legal force, rather than to accept the basic order of nature and to teach and have that order reinforced to her son. The truth is God and nature determine the anatomy of a person, and anatomy is what defines gender. Even if an individual doesn’t believe God, it remains basic scientific fact that if all is in proper working order, a female will have the all the physical parts necessary to bear and nourish children, and a male will produce the seed for life to begin. Truth is often revealed in purpose. It is biologically impossible to change sex. Denying Paul instruction of this first reality is a gross failing of the parent.

This brings into the situation, the failing of many adults in the field of medicine, whose false assumptions have served to undermine the parental role and mental health of children.  Recent laws passed in Massachusetts, California and New Jersey bar psychiatrists from helping minors acquire a perception of gender that aligns with their anatomical reality, even with parental permission. A Vanderbuilt University/Portman Clinic study showed that 70-80% of children with transgender feeling, spontaneously lose those feelings. Will those feelings spontaneously disappear in the child if they are continually reinforced by the adults and institutions in their life?

It also appears classroom instruction could be subject to the censoring of basic observable and proven scientific fact. Is this teacher now banned from instruction on this concept?  This is not about sex- ed, but the concept of reproduction as a matter of reality found throughout the plant and animal kingdoms. This would be an utter failing of our education system if this is the case.

Leaving Paul aside for a moment, let’s look at potential effects on all the other children in Paul’s classroom. They are now victims of legal coercion against their own conscience, along with the teacher. They will feel the adults at this institution forcing a lie upon them. They will witness their teacher become the enforcer of the lie (as coerced by the State against her conscience), while both children and teacher know Paul is a boy. This leaves many important questions to be asked.  Not if, but how will the conscience and personal identity be affected? Will the children still feel the lie in six months or will they eventually accept this alter reality as the norm? Does this teach children to cower to and enable delusion in others? Does this mean they will more readily accept lies from adults in the future? Will this influence some to accept lies about themselves? Children are so impressionable and naturally look to adults for truth, protection and direction. What is this teaching them about adults? What is this teaching the children about law? Is this how trust and confidence is built between adult and child? Teacher and student? Individual and State?  For all the children, this is an utter failing of many adults running our legal system and the direction that anti-discrimination laws lead to for minors, which in the end are not humane at all.

Paul Mchugh, former Psychiatrist in Chief at John Hopkins hospital could be the adult hero for these children. In a Wall Street article, Transgender Surgery Isn’t the Solution, he summarizes the true nature of this clinical condition-it is a clinical condition in the same category as anorexia and bulimia. His is a scientific voice we can raise as responsible adults advocating for children.  The link to his article is: