Sick, horrified, disgusted, and worried are just some of the words that describe how I felt when an innocent search through the student portal of the Utah Online Library database pulled up graphic porn in a resource that was supposed to be for children about daddies. The resource said that daddies were adult men who engage in sexual relationships with children of either sex. My stomach churned as I wondered, “How are people allowing the destruction of the destiny of real daddies and the abuse of children like this?” I refuse to use such an endearing term as “daddy” to describe pedophiles on websites that exploit children. Daddies have great destinies that impact us all. 

Destiny means, “State or condition appointed or predetermined; ultimate fate.” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary) What is the destiny of a daddy? A daddy’s destiny is to provide for his family and protect them. That may sound too simplistic, or like something mommy could do too, but she can’t; at least not like a good daddy does it. I’m not endorsing stereotypes. Anyone can mow a lawn or cook a meal. Roles/destinies are so much more than task lists. 

The primary role and destiny of mother is to nurture. This may seem insignificant to some women, but her role is so significant that she’s irreplaceable. Mothers weave the moral fabric for society and lead each of us toward purposeful living through skill and heart training. Or, they don’t. Either way, they’re nurturing us all. Where do we end up without rock solid nurturing in our lives? The destiny of mothers is important, but often grossly under-appreciated, even by women themselves. What many mommies might not realize is that, without daddies, their destinies of nurturing their children’s hearts is not as effective. The destinies of mommies and daddies are intertwined. 

What does it really mean to provide and protect? I recently  spoke with a father who cares for the children at home while his wife makes the money for the family. He said, “I’ve come to understand that providing for my children doesn’t necessarily mean making money.” He’s right. And protecting the family doesn’t necessarily mean having big muscles and using weapons to stop bad guys either, even though historically daddies usually are the best prepared to fight off bad guys because they often learn about weapons and have big muscles. 

To provide means to do work or plan ahead of time for a future need. When I plant seeds in my garden, I’m providing for future nourishment needs. When I read books, I’m providing for the future teaching of my children. What does a daddy provide? What is more attractive than looks or money to a mommy? Security. When a daddy, who is usually the biggest and strongest, says something will be okay, everyone believes him. Daddies don’t allow themselves to worry too much. They keep pushing forward with faith that they can conquer the next hardship. This mental preparation makes them great leaders. Daddies also provide by preparing their hearts and characters to sacrifice, learn, have duty, be reverent and humble, show love and understanding, teach truth, impart wisdom, work hard, be loyal, be honest, and so much more. Yes, there is something about a strong man providing/preparing themselves to give their all for their families that no one else can ever adequately substitute for. The security from a really good daddy is felt for generations. 

To protect is “to cover,” or to put himself between the family and the threats against the family. There are many ways daddies can choose to do this. How does a daddy cover his family from these threats? 

1. Social, Political, or Familial war –  By making home a moral, peaceful, and strong place.

2. Sin – By eradicating sin within himself, seeking spiritual strength, and praying over his family regularly.

3. Famine or hardship –  He teaches the family, by example, the life skills and adaptability needed to live providently and wisely so that future needs can easily be met.

4. Manipulation and broken family bonds –  By taking the time to master his tongue, soften his impulses, and seek to understand his family members, he gently leads them toward peace. 

This list is just a beginning of how protector-daddies cover us. 

Since the destinies of mothers and fathers are intertwined, mommies also have an important part to play in protecting the family. If daddy is providing/preparing himself the way he should, then mommy trusts daddy, and allows him to cover the family. A man who masters himself earns the trust and respect of his wife. She endorses and appreciates daddy’s protection so that he knows his protection has been done right and is accepted. This moral influence upon daddy’s destiny, the destiny of herself, and the destiny of her children, is how mommy nurtures. And, daddy protects mommy, because to him, she embodies all that is right, good, and true; not because she demands special treatment. Daddies and mommies are constantly feeding the destinies/roles of each other. 

The destinies of mommies and daddies create functional, intact families, which are the families who weather the storms of life best. According to the Marri Research Institute, (who specializes in social science studies related to families), children who come from intact families have greater psychological stability, have better health and later deaths, earn higher grades, have higher high school graduation and college attendance rates, are less likely to behave disruptively or aggressively in classes, do their homework more, have more positive attitudes, and experience less abuse.    

Every family is different, and despite their best efforts, many families may not be intact any longer. The negative effects of this disruption in families is best countered by the attachment and help of loving extended family members or close friends. 

When daddies desire to live their destinies to provide for and protect their families, everyone is improved. Children see the need to turn their hearts toward goodness and strong character development, just like mom has been teaching them to do, when they see mommy’s heart turn toward daddy’s character/providing and protection. If daddy is the living example of mommy’s teachings, then the children believe the lessons are true. Children will turn out to be as virtuous as their fathers show them they should be. And fathers will be as virtuous as mothers teach/nurture them to be, so long as daddies stay teachable. Daddy’s destiny links to the destiny of us all.  

Let’s stop promoting so many lies about daddies. It hurts everyone. Daddies aren’t sex objects who prey on the smaller and younger. Daddies aren’t buffoons who have to be controlled by mommies. Daddies have power. Lots of power. So do mommies of course, but that is an article for another day. Happy Father’s Day!  

Order the newly improved and enhanced 2nd edition of Nicholeen’s bestselling book, “Parenting A House United” here.

When I first started doing policy work for the WOW organization I was shocked to see radical feminist NGO groups having open hostility and disdain for motherhood, yet also declaring they were activists for creating strong women. How is a woman strong at all when she tears down other women? It’s weak, manipulative, immature social behavior to try to make yourself look important by tearing other people down or ripping people apart.

Yesterday, May 9, 2020, emotions about motherhood came to the forefront as a young Australian child was ripped from his mother’s arms kicking and screaming while his mother was getting detained. The footage of the treatment of this child and mother is heart-wrenching to watch because we all know a child needs their mother for security and mental well-being. I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone was factoring in the trauma the child was facing and what the outcomes of that trauma might be fore that child. No one can replace a child’s mother. And, because of this fact, that we all personally know, we set aside a day each year to honor our mothers.

Since ancient times the importance of motherhood has been honored. Celebrations and festivals to honor Greek and Roman mother goddesses and the Christian celebration of “Mothering Sunday” during lent all happened long before the modern Mother’s Day we know today. So, how did Mother’s Day come about?

Ann Reeves Jarvis, from the US state of Virginia, started “Mother’s Day Work Clubs” prior to the Civil War to teach women how to better care for their children. After the Civil War, Jarvis and her “Mother’s Day Work Clubs” played an important role in unifying the most socially and politically divided state in the nation where she lived by hosting “Mother’s Friendship Day”. On these occasions the clubs would invite Union and Confederate soldiers to talk openly in order to promote reconciliation. It was this action by Jarvis that led the nation to make the second Sunday in May a national holiday dedicated to honoring the power and influence of Mothers in all of our lives.

Mothers, like Jarvis, have a history of not only mothering their children, but mothering communities and nations too. Even women who aren’t mothers yet, can be motherly influences upon the world when they promote high morals, values, and love of mankind. Jarvis’s groups helped bring a war-torn nation together by reaching out with love and creating a safe place for open communication to happen. That’s what mothers do. Jarvis’s clubs also taught mothers how to better care for their children. That’s what mothers do. They teach and lead, and even mother other mothers. The mothering I’ve received by other mothers has been a constant blessing in my life. Every time a mother or loving woman hugs me I think of the love and hugs from my mother.

My mother gives hugs and snuggles. She always has. I still remember crawling into bed with my mom as a child, and her wrapping her arms around me. I remember hugs while canning and cleaning together in the kitchen, and side-hugs while shopping with her. I can still feel those hugs after all these years. They are stamped in my body memory. Because of those memorable, loving embraces, I’ve always hugged and snuggled my children too. And now I have even more memories of truly loving embraces.

Thank you Mom, for showing me what love is, what it looks like, what it feels like, how it serves unselfishly, how it heals all the pains of life, and how it is blind to our imperfections. The example of your love for me helps me recognize God’s love for me. I can better understand how He cares because of how you care. ❤️ You are the heart and hearthstone of the our family. I owe my identity of my your deep and abiding love.

Happy Mother’s Day 2020!

Considering the consistent shouts for equality for women and the blatant attacks on motherhood, motherhood needs defending.

I’m fairly certain public school had a negative effect on me and my identity. When I was a small girl, I loved nothing more than playing house, taking care of my baby dolls, and babysitting. But, by the time I was in the fifth grade, even though I still requested new dolls for gift-giving holidays, I stopped telling my friends I wanted to be a mom. In fact, I was pretty sure it wasn’t cool to want to be a mom.

At school, teachers talked about all the great things women could do that men did, but being a mother and having a child was never one of them. I guess that’s because men can’t have babies and become mothers. The teachers’ message was that all boys and girls were supposed to be the same, and girls could only be happy if they lived like boys. Looking back, I see now that the special things my female biology enabled me to do were being completely disregarded.

On and off the playground some of my friends said things like, “I might have one child, but only if it doesn’t get in the way of my career.” Even though I always had some discomfort inside about these selfishly motivated comments, I gave in to peer pressure and started saying similar things.

As a side effect of disrespecting motherhood, I sometimes became disrespectful, even belligerent, to my “out-of-touch,” weak mother. After all, she was “only” a mother, while other women were changing the world in such great ways through their chosen causes and careers.

I disconnected emotionally, logically and physically from my mother. When I did this, I naturally disconnected from my father and siblings too. Everything I was working toward was all about me. What I know now is that to maintain a disconnection and to rationalize my judgement of my mother, I had to disconnect from everyone. I sadly ignored the fact that my mother was the heart of our home, and everything there seemed to acknowledge her value and the importance of her role.

Motherhood Hit Me Hard!

My husband and I have four children. Plus, we fostered many difficult children over the years. For 19 years I’ve been an at-home-mom and a homeschooler. I refuel by teaching and playing with my children. What do I refuel from? In my spare time, I’m head of an international organization called, “The Worldwide Organization for Women,” and I’m the CEO of my company, “Teaching Self-Government.” These responsibilities require I do a lot of writing. They also bring many speaking opportunities worldwide, including at the United Nations and the World Congress of Families.

I’m not sharing these facts about my life to brag. Instead, I simply want to prove a vital point about the value and importance of motherhood to me and to the world. Some people think the career part of my bio and speaking at the United Nations are my most important accomplishments, but that simply is false. The most powerful and important part of who I am, and the thing that best allows me to help influence the world in positive ways is my motherhood. That role has had an incredible influence on the meaning and purpose of my life.

One sunny Mother’s Day, when I was about 15, my negative views of motherhood suddenly changed during a visit to my grandmother’s home. One by one I saw my relatives take turns expressing thanks for the profound influence my grandmother had on their lives and the power she possessed in her community and among her family and friends. When it was my turn to share something about my grandma, my heart had found a truth my mind had been rejecting for years: mothers are more powerful than anyone else in our societies because they change multiple people’s worlds every day. I ended up declaring that I wanted to be just like my grandmother and have a family like she had. The real meaning and purpose of motherhood hit me hard that day!

Mothers and grandmothers are powerful. They form our characters, set the example for happy living, heal our hearts, point the way to happiness and truth, and nurture our identities. All greatness stems back to the hand that formed and taught the great person.

Mothers may not all become the great writers, painters, composers or thinkers of the day, but they write, paint and compose on the hearts of the future writers, painters, composers and thinkers.

Motherhood is Under Attack

Today, many believe motherhood is akin to a servant position, while “true power” emanates from women in corporate leadership positions. There are more corporate women in the world than ever before. In some countries, like Jamaica, St. Lucia and Columbia, women are more likely to be the head of a company. It seems women have clearly received the message that they can do whatever kind of employment they desire.

Then why are more and more articles creeping into the media declaring, “Motherhood is Not a Woman’s Most Important Job”? Why attack motherhood?

In a recent article in Harper’s Bazaar, which caters to fashion-conscious women, columnist Jennifer Wright said that motherhood is “not the most important job there is… It is more like a very demanding volunteer position that you can never, ever get out of… producing a younger person is not necessarily the main contribution people make to the world.”

Not only are these statements misleading for women and grossly biased against functioning families (who rely heavily on a mother to unify and strengthen the whole family), but they also simply aren’t true. There is no greater contribution to the world than creating a good, secure, hard-working person who is willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Mothers do this every day by lovingly raising their children. Mothers either create greatness, or they don’t.

Greatness comes from knowing who you are. Parents teach that; it’s called identity. Loving parents give each of their children an identity in a family setting. They also lead their children to the truth about God, as well as the child’s role in His plan for the world. This in turn creates an identity with God.

Why Attack Motherhood?

Motherhood has always been attacked by the godless and the sensually minded of the world. Motherhood is as near to divinity as a person can get. A mother literally joins with God in bringing a soul to the world. A good mother trains her children to love goodness and to have a desire to devote their lives to making the world great, while at the same time helping others find their greatness. Children trained well by their mothers possess public and private virtue that sets them apart from an increasingly virtueless and selfish world.

It stands to reason that motherhood must be attacked by those who want to continue manipulating and having power over societies. To help them achieve this unrighteous dominion, they must keep mothers “in their place.” If popular opinion and negative sentiments about motherhood can be perpetuated, then mothers lose some of their positive and moral influence in societies.

I find it encouraging that articles such as the one cited above are being published. This means that for all you devoted mommy bloggers and proud mommy Face-bookers who keep talking about how much you love being a mother, it’s working. The world is getting the message. You are having an impact! These negative motherhood articles are rebuttals to your positive motherhood messages. This also means that the tabloid magazines (the ones that keep talking about what celebrity is having a baby next) are actually doing something good. Having a baby will always be one of the most exciting things to talk about. It’s such a miracle and a wonder!

It is interesting that sentiments against having children often end up making children look like they are bad for society. If motherhood is bad, then children, the product of motherhood, must be bad too. These messages are manipulative for our whole society.

An increasing number of women are discovering the negative lessons they learned in their youth about unhappiness in motherhood aren’t true. Recently I met an influential career woman on an airplane who heads a pharmaceutical company. We talked about life and our families. When I told her about my four children and introduced her to my daughter she said, “I wish I would have had more children. I kept thinking I would take the time to do that. I had the one, but he grew so fast, and I didn’t stop to enjoy it. If I would have had another baby, I would have stopped working altogether to enjoy the time for motherhood.”

As the president of the Worldwide Organization for Women, I see claims that some countries are doing better because statistics show they have a higher percentage of women working, while the United States is not doing as well because so many women are stay-at-home mothers. The conclusion of those studies is all wrong. Many in the United States continue to value home, family, motherhood, and child-rearing — while some other countries encourage their families to send mommy away from her family and off to work. And many mommies who choose to work (or who must work) oftentimes choose less demanding jobs with less hours so that they can have more time with their children. This is good prioritizing; not failed progress.

This isn’t to say that motherhood isn’t valuable to women who work. It still can be valuable. I work. Don’t forget that I own and run a business and lead an international nonprofit organization. I also write books and speak. But the center of it all is my motherhood. My identity as mother is more important than any other identity or title given to me. The way I spend my time reflects the deep commitment and honor I feel and cherish being a mother.

If you enjoyed reading this you will really enjoy “Roles: The Secret to Family, Business and Social Success” also by Nicholeen Peck