Marriage & Family

Toxic Barbies & The Great Happiness Debate

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There are times when I do things I wouldn’t normally do just because I wouldn’t normally do it. It’s a kind of self-check to make sure that I’m still open-minded and hopeful, instead of resting in a bias. Allow me to give you some context into my life so that you can understand why it was unusual for me to attend the new Barbie movie. I teach parenting, child development, and relationship-strengthening practices, I also head the Worldwide Organization for Women [WOW]. The WOW organization has been dedicated to the empowerment of women, girls, and families since 1977. Our organization is an NGO with consultative status at the United Nations. It is with 46 years of experience that we express sorrow at the current toxic feminist, even Marxist, messaging that is targeting females and undermining a hopeful, happy future for women and girls. In my role of advocating for women and girls on a global scale, I analyze everything to determine the cause of the effects I see in the lives of those for whom I am advocating.

Don’t get me wrong, I played with Barbies when I was young and some of our favorite cartoons to watch together on a family movie night when my children were young were the Barbie productions. So, I was skeptical, but hopeful when my friend called me and asked, “Do you want to dress in pink and go see the new Barbie movie?” 

I said, “Sure! Sounds crazy, like something we don’t do. I like it.” 

My friend must have known what I would get out of the show (she likely looked it up ahead of time as usual), because she said to me, “Nicholeen, I have a feeling that you’ll end up writing an article about this one.” 

I laughed off her assertion and we joked that I should have paid for the ticket with the business card if it was going to be a business expense. Then we settled into utter disappointment. 

My kind of movie is more like the recent Sound of Freedom movie or classics like The Sound of Music. If a production is done well and doesn’t push untruths, I can usually find something to appreciate in it. However, my family does know me as a pretty harsh movie critic when analyzing for: morality, social grooming, and truth. My children were called the same day I saw the Barbie movie to hear my review. They were actually shocked that I’d gone to that movie in the first place. I kind of was too. 😉 There is a part of me that loves to know what people see, learn, and think with each social trend. The psychological aspect of a movie trend fascinates me. 

In light of all the social buzz about the recent Barbie movie, I feel that some parents might appreciate deeper analysis of common themes found in the Barbie movie that can negatively script today’s children. In my view, the new Barbie movie is toxic. It is an obvious vehicle of the anti-woman movement. 

Many parents worry about what their little girls think of themselves. They see the mixed messages targeted at girls and women which are confusing, disempowering and alarming at best. These ideas are most accurately described as toxic. To say nothing about the messaging that is targeting the identity of men and boys. The consensus of activists seems to be that the threat to global happiness is “toxic masculinity” and “patriarchy.” Where does this messaging leave the future of men and women? Is it even possible to raise children who honor women and men in a world that has adopted stereotypical views of men and women?

The New Barbie Movie

Ironically, the new Barbie movie put out by Mattel, a toy company, seems to be trying to address stereotypes because the main character of the movie is named Stereotypical Barbie. Unfortunately, Mattel completely missed the mark. If they were attempting to unify society by exposing stereotypes – they failed. If anything, they seem to have created a deeper stereotype divide that will inevitably create more social division and disharmony amongst the sexes as our children grow into adulthood. 

Even though the Barbie movie was entertaining, funny, and creative in some places due to some slapstick, ignorant, toy humor, it was ultimately a toxic production, especially for our youth whose brains are not fully developed, and individuals who don’t understand world views and the great happiness debate. The Barbie movie promotes: many forms of entitlement, self-absorbed men and women, disunity, objectification of men and women, a disregard for character development, contention along with passivity (ironically), parental immaturity, disrespect for a creator or plan from a creator, manipulation, despising maternity and babies, rejection of men, scurrilous depictions of manhood highlighted by buffoonery, and, finally, Marxism. 

In a recent discussion with a colleague of mine, he said that the Barbie movie “might be, if you think about it, exposing how absurd modern feminism is.” After some discussion, I saw his point of view but concluded, that most audiences, especially juvenile audiences, who don’t scrutinize messaging when looking for entertainment, would never look that deeply into the production to see it as a backward view of why modern feminism is so toxic. On the contrary, most people are heralding the Barbie movie as a great step toward putting men in their place and strengthening women. Clearly, the movie gives the message that women must be aggressive and dominant to find happiness. 

The Great Happiness Debate

Happiness, its importance, and how to achieve it, has been part of the great debate of civilization since the beginning of time. Happiness means “the agreeable sensations which spring from the enjoyment of good.” [Webster’s 1828 Dictionary] In order to understand happiness, we must also understand the word good. 

Good means “having moral qualities best adapted to its design and use, or the qualities which God’s law requires; virtuous; pious; religious; applied to persons, and opposed to bad, vitious, wicked, evil.” [Webster’s 1828 Dictionary] The word God is actually the root word of the word good. To be good essentially means God-like. In that context, happiness means having a sensation associated with being in alignment with God, likely a spiritual sensation. 

Happiness does not mean the same thing as pleasure, even though throughout history people have asserted that pleasure is the greatest indicator of happiness. This miscommunication about happiness has repeatedly led selfish or naive people down paths of emptiness, corruption, and self-destruction. 

Epicurus, a Greek philosopher born in 341 BC, turned the meaning of happiness on its head by detaching happiness from goodness and associating it only with pleasure in his best-known egotistical hedonistic philosophy. He philosophized that the only thing that is intrinsically valuable is one’s own pleasure. 

Other philosophers and prophets refuted these false Epicurean claims. Jesus Christ showed with His entire ministry and act of Grace that pleasure has nothing to do with the purpose and meaning of life. His life showed that joy, which stems from a deep spiritual connection and alignment with goodness, is most attainable through giving up oneself to/for another.   

Since happiness is directly connected to God, it’s no surprise that anti-god philosophers continually suggest that God destroys happiness, because their definition of happiness is nothing but pleasure. I’m always saddened for people who think pleasure is happiness, because in my experience, I’ve found that pleasure is fleeting and often manipulated or exploited. Pleasure is a weak substitute for the security that comes from joy and happiness. 

Jean-Jaques Rousseau, a philosopher and one of the fathers of the French Revolution was raised without much parental attention because his mother died and his father was absent. He expanded on Epicurus’s philosophical conclusions about pleasure and happiness. He declared religion “tyrannical”, pleasure and personal choice “king”, “equality through entitlement”, society “the enemy of the individual”, and rejected taking personal responsibility if it inhibited personal pleasure. This led him to take all five of his children to an orphanage so that he could pursue his own personal pleasures. 

In the Barbie movie happiness is portrayed as partaking in the following pleasures: “every night is a girls’ night”, disconnection between men and women, expensive clothes, looking good, doing what you want to do, living in a dream house, driving a dream car, wallowing in your emotions or projecting them on others, controlling others to get your way, winning social battles and activism, and apparently going to the gynecologist (that one is disturbing on many levels).  

Spoiler About What Spoils the Barbie Movie

What’s so toxic about Barbie? To be honest, it’s not just the Barbies or the women in the movie who are toxic. The Kens and men are toxic too. All the men and women in the Barbie movie are stereotyped, even the woman and her daughter who represent the real world and the solution for the Barbieland problem. Every character has an absence of character and is advocating for an ideological/activistic agenda. 

Barbie may be a movie that was intended to show how all sides, of the socially constructed ideological battle of the sexes, are selfish and ridiculous. But, that would mean that Barbie is a movie only for adults who understand world views, -isms, stereotypes, and social programming. I don’t think most movie-goers fall into that category. I know they don’t because every time I share my findings about movies, people say that they didn’t see many of the things I saw, or that they didn’t want to think about the things I saw during the movie when they saw them; they just wanted to “enjoy it.” 

For those parents who are intentional in their responsibility to protect their children from the evils of the world, here is a list of what Barbie teaches movie-goers and what should definitely be discussed with children if your children see this movie. 

The opening scene shows girls playing with baby dolls and pretending to be mothers and looking bored. Then they see a larger-than-life sex symbol, Barbie, and they smash their dolls’ heads in and kick them and strip their own clothes off. It was disturbing. Children and those seeking entertainment could interpret this scene as promoting the idea that motherhood and babies are bad. 

While we are on babies, there was a pregnant Barbie that was shunned by the community and always referred to as “gross” or “disturbing.” She didn’t ever have a say in anything but was just kind of tucked away. Also, the mother heroine in the story seemed to feel like motherhood and womanhood was a burden and led to “darkness.” What kind of a selfish message is this? 

Mature families know that it’s family sacrifice that leads to our greatest joys and our greatest sorrows. Giving ourselves to family takes work and subordination of self but is ultimately our source of purpose and true happiness. The only thing this woman/mother gave to anyone was rhetoric about all the hard things about being a woman. 

Her little activist speech which was portrayed as the hero moment of the movie, about how awful womanhood is, was meant to sound like all of this happened to her because of men. The thoughts she shared weren’t thoughts that a man would generally give. I work with lots of families. I’ve noticed that most women put expectations on themselves because of perfectionism or because they are comparing themselves to other women. More times than not, it’s the men who are telling their wives to “relax and not put so much on themselves.” The whole premise of the inner dialog was false, and saying such a negative dialog would only promote entitlement, not healing. 

This woman was celebrated for her “darkness” thoughts, specifically, thoughts of dying. Instead of healing through hope, the movie showed her healing through anger and entitlement. That isn’t how a soul heals. Why would we want to promote indulging in “darkness?” That doesn’t sound like it leads to purpose at all. Talk about disempowering women. Sure, we all have hard times and can get caught up in our own heads sometimes. But, those are times to recognize our ability to identify thought problems and patterns and choose to adjust our thinking or seek help. This woman just gave her poison away. She didn’t adjust herself at all. This is personally and socially problematic. This immature mother character was morally bent. Her character could lead mothers to be selfish, which leads children to feel detachment from mothers in order for mother to pursue her self-interest, or worse that children had to save mother from her problems (dysfunctional), and she would teach men that a woman’s emotions are sovereign. This thinking is toxic. 

Objectification and vanity are a big part of the Barbie movie. Barbie has to go on her expedition in order to make her feet and thighs look better. She is very afraid of cellulite! The cost and coordination of outfits is an important humor piece that promotes materialism and vanity. 

Women, in the real world and in Barbie world are portrayed as objects. They are what they do. They don’t have any value outside of what they do for an occupation. Motherhood is noticeably not an option for Barbie to be a powerful woman. They have to look good and be perfect. To liberate themselves they have to focus on what they do and what they want, and then they change their looks. The movie massively objectifies women. 

The men are also objectified. There isn’t one man that is shown as intelligent, and they are just there to hang around Barbie so that she looks like she has it all. Of course, when Ken turns to patriarchy, the objectification swaps for a minute, but it’s all just an objectification battle in the end, that no one can win because they are all being objectified and exploited. 

Emotions are shown in a confusing light. When Barbie is happy it is shown as false and bad and when she cries or gets angry, then she is seen as good or normal. This makes good seem bad and bad seem good. This would be very confusing to immature, emotional, young girls who have a hard time sorting through their emotional ups and downs. It’s a negative, emotionally weak and entitled message. This isn’t to say that sadness or anger are bad. But, promoting them leads people to seek unhappiness in order to see themselves as normal. This is false messaging and goes against inner recognition of our capacity to handle problems or to choose optimism. 

Several characters in the movie make references to their genitals or lack of genitals as dolls. For example, Barbie doesn’t feel complete without a vagina. So, at the end, after a slightly blasphemous, confusing, and misleading conversation with her “creator,” she happily goes to the gynecologist. There is a disturbing moment when a middle school-aged girl tells Barbie that she doesn’t have anything to worry about at the gynecologist. Why would a middle school-aged girl know this or say this? What are we promoting here? Sexually active teens? And, why is Barbie going to the gynecologist if she has no interest in Ken or men? Is it because she intends to be sexually active? Is this the happy ending that Mattel is offering to young girls? Sexual grooming anyone?

We can’t have a movie about Ken and Barbie without some love, or can you? It used to be that Ken and Barbie were a couple. They went on dates and got married. I had a wedding dress for my Barbie and Ken had a suit. My Barbies always got married. But, in this movie Ken loves Barbie, but she doesn’t want him. So, maybe there is another guy she likes. Nope, she is all for herself. The movie promotes solo living and pushing away relationships. 

Every movie that ends this way bothers me because it turns the purpose of humans and happiness upside down. Sure, not every romance in real life ends in marriage, but there is a reason that good stories end in marriage; why it’s the universal sign of a happy ending. Stories that are repeatedly copied, like Cinderella and the Jane Austin Romances are copied because people love the build-up to marriage: the happy ending. 

In his book Manhood, Josh Hawley gives some great understanding of what marriage really means to society. Hawley says, “If a man wants to meet his purpose as a man, then he will have to give himself away to a woman and bind himself to her. He will have to sacrifice. He’ll have to acquire the character of a husband…Marriage was viewed as foundational to a good life. Today our epicurean age teaches a different message…it is a truth the one can only become one’s self by giving one’s self to another.” 

Modern men have been trained in epicurean thought, and so live for pleasure. What does this do to women? It further objectifies and disrespects them. But, then society tells them that they are bad for wanting pleasure from women. This results in women feeling that men are objectifying them, even if, like Barbie, they are objectifying themselves, and then women retaliate by pushing men away and getting hostile. Epicurean women want their pleasure too, so they emotionally abuse the men. No one gives themselves to each other and they all lose. That is where we find ourselves and what the messages in the Barbie movie will lead to. Each person is just living for themselves. Epicureans would call this a successful culture. But, we see, even from Barbie, that this just creates an oppressor/victim culture. Happiness, if undone, fractures the family and a life of purpose: the foundation of real happiness. 

Men and women gain great purpose through each other and through marriage. Hawely says, “In love we do the opposite from what Epicureans council. We surrender ourselves to love another. That is what men and women were meant for…To love and commit your life to another is to open your life to pain, hardship, and misunderstanding. Love means embracing the hard stuff too.” Marriage teaches us to endure life, instead of just looking for a scapegoat to blame for what is not perfect enough yet. 

Yes, the men in the Barbie movie behave badly. The depiction of men is definitely exaggerated at best, but mostly stereotypical and falsified for effect. They aren’t behaving as good men. A good man is respectful to women and children. They provide for, protect, and preside over their home and family with gentleness and kindness. The bad behavior of these men seems to justify Barbie’s retaliation. However, Barbie was conceited toward Ken first. Even though in her conceit she seemed pleasant, where Ken was gruff in his retaliation. Barbie didn’t value Ken as a person. She was selfish and exploited him, just like he exploited her. No amount of manipulation will solve the exploitation of men and women in our culture. Only love can heal that problem. 

Finally, the housing situation is concerning in Barbieland. I know they were being literal about the Barbie toy line. I guess Ken didn’t really have a toy house released for him. Probably because it was assumed that they’d live together. So, all the Kens in Barbieland are homeless. They really want a home, but the Barbies all have their own mansions and don’t want Kens in them. “Every night is a girls’ night” they say. When the Kens do their patriarchal takeover, they take over the houses. This is significant since they are homeless. It’s interesting to note that neither the Kens nor the Barbies really seem genuinely happy living alone. They do stuff each day, but it is obviously empty living. 

Josh Hawley said about home, “The real feeling of home represents what the husband and the wife have built together in that place. In that place husband and wife, together, endure.”  He explains that that is the reason why going to his grandparent’s house was always so special to his heart and why he wanted to have a home with a woman. There is a presence in a real home where people have sacrificed for each other that can’t be felt elsewhere; it’s a feeling of security and safety. Our children need to know that homes are better when we share them. The selfish messages in Barbie will lead to homelessness, even if people live in their own mansions. 

Toxic Culture End Game

The sad news about the Barbie movie is that more and more people are embracing Mattel’s version of happiness; selfish loneliness focused on pleasure seeking. In contrast, focusing on family at your house, disengaging from the battle of the sexes, celebrating the magnificent order that the ideals of marriage and family bring to the world even if you are a single parent or have been wronged by the opposite sex, can give the rising generation a counter message to what Hollywood is peddling. Our children’s hearts and identities are under attack. We must discuss more with our children and proactively prepare them for the cultural ideological grooming that they are and will continue to encounter throughout their lives. 

When the Barbie movie ended, I noticed that there wasn’t applause or even smiles. There was just silence in the theatre. I saw children holding Barbie dolls and parents silently stand up and walked out. The feeling was thick and awkward. It was as if I could hear parents thinking, “What do I do with this experience? Will they forget it? Will they even see what I saw? Was it so bad? Should I just focus on the funny stuff? Are men really that bad? Is that the way women should handle men who act that way? Why is this happening? Why is this the message given to our children?” 

I felt bad for those parents. I don’t usually write such long articles, but this time I felt like I wanted to help those parents who left with their heads down and in silence. It’s okay that you felt awkward. It’s probably a sign that what you saw wasn’t true or shouldn’t be true. It’s okay to tell the real truth to your children. Please do. Please talk about it. Ask the questions above to them and discuss the themes. 

The Bible says that there is always what is seen and what is not seen, “for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” [2 Corinthians 4:18 KJV] I believe this verse applies to movies too. Look deeper and talk about what is seen and what is not seen with your children. Discussing deeper is good parenting. These discussions with your children could potentially be liberating too. The last thing we need is a society of loveless, selfish, angry, pleasure-seeking people who don’t value anyone but themselves. We can teach our children to see more and be more; be family. 

Improve conversation with your children by having regular mentor sessions. 

UN Global Day of Parents Is June 1st! — Why?

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Let’s Celebrate! June 1st, the Global Day of Parents, is dedicated to celebrating the impact that parents have on raising children. Not only is a parent required for the biological creation of a child, but parents are vital to the social, moral, emotional, and academic formation of the child as well. No influence is greater than that of parents on a child, even if the parent isn’t present in the child’s life. If a parent is missing, the child carries a scar and a longing to know their parent more and to bond with the unknown parent.

Parents give their children a sense of purpose, confidence, and well-being through the powerful force we call belonging/bonding. In the northern hemisphere, June means summer and family time. This is a great time, when children are home from school for the summer, to really put some deliberate effort into bonding with our children.

Go fishing, camping, and star-gazing. Create forts, gardens, clubhouses, summer businesses, and crafts. Invite discussion, tell stories, play games, learn new things, and make memories. Summer is the perfect time to fall in love with parenting again by looking forward to the adventures of each day with the children.

The global climate hinges on the dedication and condition of the heart of parents toward their children. When parents are ‘all in’ with their parenting, then their hearts open up more toward their children and they naturally teach the children the life lessons needed for confidence, safety, and purpose in life. This powerful impact of parents is worth some attention.

United Nations Says… 

In 2012, a few years after the United Nations decided to focus on family issues, the UN created a resolution to have a Global Day of Parents (A/RES/66/292).

“Universal Declaration, Article 26-3.43 “Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of

education that shall be given to their children.” Children’s Summit, 18.74 “The family has the

primary responsibility for the nurturing and protection of children from infancy to

adolescence. The introduction of children to the culture, values, and norms of their society

begins in the family… Accordingly, all institutions of society should respect and support the

efforts of parents.”

Even though the United Nations doesn’t always stay within its boundaries globally, and even sometimes influences states in ways they shouldn’t, some of its plans and focuses are worth some merit. Global Day of Parents is focused on what really determines the success of nations and societies; parents.

Celebrate with me by attending a virtual Global Day of Parents event on June 1st at 1:00 pm EST. This event is sponsored by the Universal Peace Federation and the permanent mission of the Sultanate of Oman to the United Nations. I’ll be one of the three speakers.

Register here: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_vSWyd-qRRYCRAgV4yS__UA#/registration

May Is For Mothers

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There is an attack on motherhood. However, May, the month of flowers, birds, and life, the month that reminds us of all that we are grateful for, brings our hearts back to the simple, yet powerful lessons of our mothers. Lessons of gratitude, strength, work, and love, that mothers teach, need to be honored. May, the time of light after the spring storms, is the perfect time to remember the light that mothers bring to our lives and our societies. So, this year, people all over the planet are using the hashtag #MayisforMothers as they post photos, videos, and notes of gratitude for the power of their mothers and being a mother. 

Since the 1970s, motherhood and the fundamental role of mothers has been philosophically, and socially attacked. The social messaging about motherhood is that it’s a drudgery, considered undesirable, lesser than any paid vocation, and even a sign of oppression or a mental condition. For example, when I was pregnant with my fourth child, I heard some female college students talking. They concluded their discussion with this assumption: “a person who chooses to become a mother must be mentally disturbed.” Thankfully, despite the negativity surrounding motherhood as a chosen life path, people still choose to become mothers, they love being mothers, and are empowered by their chosen role as a mother.

The Power of Mothers 

Why is motherhood under attack? Because it’s the most powerful social, spiritual, physical, psychological, biological, and political position a person could ever hold, and dedicated mothers who are “all in” know it. Mothers and grandmothers who don’t buy into the negative messaging about motherhood, but quietly accept the responsibility of raising the next generation of people to be good, honest, brave, hardworking, kind, loving, and true are given overwhelming proof of the power in honoring motherhood as they see the people that they’ve molded go against the negative cultural trends of the day. I like to think I’m one of those people. Thanks Mom!!! 

When motherhood came under attack by the feminist culture of the 1970s, suddenly women all over the planet felt that it was time to bring the power of motherhood to the discussion table. Women flocked to the United Nations and social events to articulate the power of motherhood while other women tried to gain public platforms to tear down motherhood and dishonor the impact a good mother has on all of our lives. Those battles continue to be waged in the same social arenas. However, mothers aren’t fighting back, because they truly don’t have the time or the stomach for battles. This battle against motherhood that has been waging for quite some time has now become more intense. Mothers are now considered to be obstacles to get around for those who desire the power to capture the hearts and minds of the next generation of children. 

The Greatest Threat

Currently, parents are presented in public forums as dangers to children. This idea then presents support for the assumption that children must be rescued from their parents. To gain perspective of what is happening, it is useful to look to the past. Historically, the act of stealing children or sacrificing children has been one way forces of evil have exercised dominion over families and nations. Think Hitler, Mao and the child sacrifice rituals to evil gods in ancient times. Parents, specifically mothers, were forced to give up their children for some perceived societal good or to a false god in order for the ruling powers to gain greater control over the hearts and minds of the people. To these rulers, children were considered materials, like money or animals, owned or transferred by adults for their purposes to control. If parents, specifically mothers, are continually marginalized, then who will protect the children and preserve their identities as valuable individuals? What will the future of society look like?

Mothers are the gate keepers for freedom, and virtue. They nurture these qualities in the hearts and minds of their children. If mothers stay close to their children and raise them well, then freedom and virtue, both in our society and in the lives of our children, can be maintained. A mother’s influence is too strong for a total societal takeover if she is allowed the power to maintain her place at the helm of society; raising her children. This is why motherhood, fertility, holy intimacy, family structure, identity, and the parent/child bonds are being attacked from every possible angle. All of the attacks are attempts to steal the hearts and minds of children from their mothers. 

Mothers are the greatest threat to those who design and scheme for ways to control or change society. Mothers, who hold the heart strings of all of her children and teach them who to trust and not trust, who to listen to or not, are the big stumbling block for the dark enemies of the family. 

Love Over Money

Motherhood is an unpaid position. That is precisely what gives it such power. A woman mothers her children because she wants to, not because she is getting paid. Payment to mothers would cheapen their role as a mother. And, even though people have tried to pay mothers off for their children and “service”, most women will not sell the hearts and minds of their children for money. Motherhood isn’t about gain. She doesn’t mother for herself directly, even though there are obvious indirect benefits to motherhood. Mothers do what they do because of love. Money is never going to be more valuable than love. Love is too strong. It’s that strength that gives mother such great power; a power that threatens would-be power-seekers and can’t be taken or fabricated. 

In a time when motherhood is more important and more attacked than ever, it’s time for a new motherhood movement. Women from around the world held a summit about this issue recently and determined that May is for mothers (#MayisforMothers.) No matter where we all are in the world, let’s post all the great things about mothers and grandmothers. Without mothers and grandmothers, we wouldn’t be who we have become. Let’s share stories of power and purpose and the impact for good that come from mothers. Motherhood is under attack because it’s powerful all by itself. Motherhood doesn’t have to fight back. A virtuous mother is moving the needle toward greater goodness just by doing what she does and as a nurturer and example of love to her children and grandchildren. There is nothing more powerful than a mother who knows how much power she has! 

Spread the word that #MayisforMothers 

And, if you or your organization is interested in being part of the next Woman Watch Network Summit, please contact here for information with the subject Woman Watch Network.  

Today’s Complexity Demands More Simplicity

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“It’s harder for children nowadays with all of the technology and temptations and bad examples”, a mother said to me at a recent conference where I was speaking. We talked for a moment about the differences between her childhood and the childhood of her children. She was concerned. She felt lost and confused about what she should do to help them navigate these unfamiliar challenges. Then she said, “The complexities of today must require more complex solutions.”

I understood her concerns , and why she would assume complex problems require complex solutions; however, I knew her assumption was incorrect. One thing I’ve learned in all the years of raising my four children and doing therapeutic treatment care for the many foster children who came to stay with us, is modern complexities demand simple solutions.

Finding Simple Solutions Through Principles

When the BBC asked me to be on their program, The World’s Strictest Parents, in 2009, they took some time before the beginning of the program to tell me about all the issues with which the two 17-year-old teens were struggling. It was clear to me the producers were hoping to foster some stress or worry in me. But I wasn’t concerned. For many years, I’d taken in some of the most difficult youth the state had to offer. I had seen behaviors I didn’t even know existed. I knew there wasn’t much I hadn’t seen. I knew no matter what behaviors these two new youth would use to try to gain control or cause trouble, the solution was always the same –  appeal to my principles.

In order to create a firm and loving home where the spirit of love could reside, despite the issues children in our home were facing, we had to rely heavily upon the following principles: honesty, calmness, patience, trust, acceptance, love, work, play, compassion, mercy, justice, loyalty, unity, understanding, open-communication, roles, health, timing, time, identity, trust, priorities, teaching, planning, correcting, praising, problem solving, leadership, emotional intelligence, emotional strength, and self-government.

To accomplish the task of living by my principles, which is much harder than simply identifying them, I had to create a system. A system would support the entire family as we navigated problems. Our system included pre-teaching the family certain principle-based skills, such as: how to follow instructions, how to be calm, how to accept disappointment and “no” answers, how to accept corrections, and how to disagree appropriately. We also taught the children all the parenting skills for correcting and teaching so our parenting would follow another principle – predictability.

The following are a few of the simple solutions I created for our family using principles.

  • Love — Look into their eyes every time I talk to them and think “I love you” while talking.
  • Unity — Have regular meetings as a family to discuss our family relationships and solving family problems. Families also need more time together playing and working to have more unity.
  • Justice — Consistently pre-teach, correct, and praise the children so they are held accountable and have more success. They need to have the opportunity to earn negative and positive consequences.
  • Work — Work as a family each day, as well as, have the opportunity to do individual work daily.
  • Trust — Give instructions, but don’t micro-manage. If they don’t follow through, just do a calm correction.
  • Calmness — Make my own calm plan to use if I find myself not feeling calm, and help my children do the same.
  • Self-Government — Teach my children cause and effect and how to self-assess and self-correct. This will empower them. This also requires calm teaching.

Principles Make Problem Solving Simple

Modern technologies, with all their conveniences, make parenting and boundaries seem more difficult and may even lead parents to assume they need to get creative in their parenting to handle misuse, addictions, or safety issues. But creativity can be complex and isn’t required. Simplicity and principles are best.

For example: To solve misuse of or addiction to technology remember the principle – roles. What is the role of a child? A child is a learner. This means the child is always learning. What is the role of parent? A parent is a teacher. Everything they do or endorse is encouraging a lesson of some sort. What is the role of a device? It is supposed to be a tool. Once the roles are established the parent can ask themselves, “Is my child using the tool as a tool or as a toy?” and “Is the device teaching my child the things they ought to be learning?” Finally, “As a teacher, should I be endorsing this teaching device and the lessons being learned?” If the answer is no, then the parent must consult another principle – time. “Is this the right time of life for my child to use this tool?” or “How much time is appropriate for device usage if my child is to live a healthy life?” After answering these questions, the parent can feel confident creating boundaries or giving “no” answers about devices.

What about all the attitude problems and emotional walls children are creating in their relationships with their parents? Those may also seem like they need intricate interventions. They don’t. Principles have always worked at solving problems because they are eternal and broadly applicable. Again, the solution is the simple connection and application of principles.

To solve relationship problems, a parent can consider the principles of time, patience, priorities, open communication, trust, roles, honesty, and deliberate planning. Let me explain how I correct relationship problems. First, I would have what I call a parent counseling session with the child. We would talk about what we want our relationship to be like. I would then describe the problem I see with the relationship. Next, we would plan how we will spend more time together to have more open talks while also counseling together about being patient as we get used to the relationship changing. We might also discuss how to course correct if we see our relationship suffering again in the future. Finally, as a parent, I consistently follow through with course corrections and keep the open dialog going. Relying on principles makes it simple.

In 2014, L. Tom Perry said, “Today’s complexity demands more simplicity”. Then, he shared a life lesson from his grandfather that taught him a principle for life. The oldest books and the wisest people teach principles. Historically, those are the sources we have always gone to for answers to our problems. Nowadays the answer to problems is the same. Match your practices with your principles and the solutions become simple, even though the problems are different.

Find Nicholeen’s principle-based parenting skills at https://teachingselfgovernment.com/

Being Your Child’s Safe Place

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It’s currently commonplace to see youth aggressively confronting adults when, not too long ago, that behavior would never have been condoned. And, sadly this aggressive behavior is being misinterpreted as behavior necessary for the emotional safety of the child. If parents want to be the ‘safe place’ for their child, then it’s vital that they don’t lose sight of their irreplaceable roles as teachers and guides to their child in the face of day-to-day childhood emotional entitlement.

I once witnessed a 14-year-old child yelling at her mother because her mother said she didn’t feel good about her going to a friend’s house. The yelling behavior instantly changed the focus for the mother. The mother was triggered by her child’s emotion to provide emotional safety for her child, so she allowed the yelling behavior. This led to the mother agreeing with the child and saying nothing about the disrespectful behavior. After the outburst the mother said, “You can go. Come give me a hug.” The two hugged and the child went to the friend’s house. Sadly, this story ends in the child getting into a car accident caused by her friend’s mother driving intoxicated.

Even though the intoxicated mother actually crashed the car, the mother of the 14-year-old, who allowed her to go, is also to blame; maybe even more so. That mother knew the child shouldn’t go to the friend’s house but allowed the emotions of her child to be more important than the guidance the child needed and the gut feeling she had. The mother interpreted her daughter’s emotional outburst as her daughter needing to feel safe. So, the mother assumed that her “no” answer had made her daughter feel unsafe.

Fast forward a few years and this mother/daughter relationship is not healthy. The mother is constantly trying to placate to her daughter’s ever-escalating emotions, and the daughter is unhappy and emotionally disconnected from her mother. Passively allowing her daughter to regularly yell at her has hurt their relationship and disconnected the healthy parent/child bond that should exist.

The Untruth About Feeling ‘Safe’

Many children and parents have been convinced that “feeling safe” means having everything go your way and according to your comfort level. But, in reality, that is the most unsafe position a person could ever be in. When will a person ever be able to control every other person or feeling of discomfort around them? Never, especially if everyone else is attempting to emotionally control every other person around them for their own safe feeling, too. The only way for children to feel truly safe is to be prepared for “no” answers, upsets, doing hard things, and honoring parents who aren’t afraid to guide their children, even if it requires correcting the child’s behavior.

When the words “child” and “safe” are put in the same sentence, parent ears automatically perk up. What parent isn’t concerned about their child’s safety? Looking out for the safety of our children is hardwired into us the moment we see them so tiny and helpless as infants. They literally rely upon us for everything, and we know that they won’t be able to have full autonomy until they’ve gone through proper development. Yet, today, the healthy development of children is under attack by untruths that use words like “child” and “safe.” Confused parents who hope for the safety of their children are being misguided and are creating entitlement problems for their children by facilitating yelling matches with their children.

Saying Nothing Is The Wrong Message

A mother named Christa recently wrote to me with the following question, “I am curious what your thoughts are on the popular notion, ‘Well your child acts out with you because you are their safe place.’ And then person A goes on to encourage person B to just keep doing what they’re doing as a parent. This is not an experience I’ve personally had, but I hear this between other moms a lot and it just doesn’t entirely set right with me.”

There is a reason this statement doesn’t sit right with Christa. It’s an untruth. To suggest that a parent should turn over their parental role to a feeling that a child is having is wrong. To teach a child that they must give into their emotions is to lead them toward emotional bondage for life. Parents who say nothing or do nothing about disrespectful, emotionally entitled behavior in their children are actually giving the message to their children that their aggressive behavior is healthy and effective for solving problems and that family roles are irrelevant.

Why do parents not allow their children to watch certain movies, play certain games, or be on certain apps or websites? Because they can’t condone some behaviors or ideas promoted by those sources. Parents seem to intrinsically know that if they allow their child to see something and don’t say anything about it or stop it, then they are showing approval of what the child has just seen or heard. Saying nothing shows approval.

Principles are broadly applicable. If a parent’s silence during an inappropriate movie shows acceptance of the behavior in the movie, then it is also true that if a parent is silent when a child is rude, mean, misbehaves, or states untruths that the parent is showing approval of that type of behavior or thinking.

If parents don’t teach their children to get calm and respect them, then the child learns two kinds of entitlement, emotional entitlement and relationship entitlement. It also teaches children to be controlling of others instead of teaching them to have self-control.

Parents Can Become Real Safe Places

It is true that a person who is attempting to micro-manage their environment or who is emotionally unloading on another person likely has anxiety at the moment. Anxious or worried feelings can make a person feel vulnerable. This vulnerability can be interpreted as a feeling of not being safe. It is also true that some people don’t express themselves or attempt to solve their problems if they don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about the problem they are attempting to solve. These two observances could be leading parents to believe that if a child yells at them or mistreats them, that the child is doing something healthy and displaying a feeling of safety.

However, another truth about this aggressive behavior directed at parents is that children who create a habit of emotionally dumping on their parents develop unhealthy social boundaries and bonds, unhealthy entitlement issues, lack of respect for parents, and inability to successfully, calmly solve their problems. While yelling at a parent is one way to get a point across, it is not the most effective way to get a point across. Parents who raise the communication bar for their children by teaching them the calm communication skills they need to really be understood and maintain bonds at the same time, ultimately give their children much more understanding and safety for the long run.

The following four actions are useful at becoming your child’s real safe place: have regular open talks with you child, teach your child how to recognize and choose calmness, teach your child the communication skills that they will need to solve problems, and consistently and lovingly help your child course correct when they are going off course.

Teach the child how to talk to you by having regular talks. Children should feel that communication with parents is always welcome. If the child has established a habit of talking and planning with their parents through regular family meetings and talk times, then the child will see having a healthy conversation as a viable option for solving a problem or getting understood.

Teach the child about calmness. Calmness is taught through example and training. Children can learn what calmness is and isn’t and how to recognize calm feelings and behavior in themselves. To teach this principle, parents can deliberately teach calmness to their children, discuss behavior that they see around them, and help their children develop a calm plan for when they are needing to increase calmness.

Communication skills are learned environmentally. Communication methods shown to children, whether healthy or unhealthy, will be seen as the communication standard for the child throughout life. Wise parents create environments where children learn how to accept the “no” answers of life and how to disagree appropriately with others, as well as other vital self-government skills that can help the child be understood throughout life.

As guides and teachers for children, parents express love by pointing out when a child is not on a healthy course and what they need to do to course correct. Parents, more than any other influence in a child’s life, are the ones who have the authority and the obligation to correct their children. When parents consistently and lovingly correct their children, then the children learn that correction is part of life and is healthy to embrace. When children accept correction from parents, this frees them to self-correct. If they don’t get the opportunity to accept correction from parents, then they lose identity and power. Parents who live their identity instill proper identity to their children. And, children who know that they can correct themselves are more motivated to make positive changes in their lives instead of making excuses, not accepting responsibility for their actions, or getting emotionally blocked as people who don’t accept correction do.

Being the safe place for your child is vital for the child’s future security, maturity, and problem-solving success. It requires the parent to take an active, not passive, role in instructing their child and opening communication instead of taking an emotional beating from their child. Christa is right. Allowing a child to yell at their parent just doesn’t feel right. And, coupling yelling, which is obviously not an emotionally safe action, with the word ‘safe’ seems ironic. Calmness and good communication are clearly safer communication alternatives.

Start calm parenting for free with Nicholeen’s free Calm Parenting Toolkit.

7 Lessons Aging Parents Teach Their Children & Grandchildren

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Even though my mom and I differ in activity level and even in personality traits, that doesn’t stop me from being grateful for the many lessons that she unknowingly teaches me. Maybe I appreciate the lessons learned from Mom because I’m looking for them. It could certainly be possible to miss these lessons if a person were not looking for them. However, when we deliberately search for teaching from our parents, no matter how old we are or they are, there are always lessons that can be learned. Here are just seven of the lessons aging parents teach their families.

1. First, identity is born in the family setting. Aging parents, especially mothers, give their children increased identity. Mothers usually hold the heartstrings of their children and family members for life due to the nurturing role they’ve had in everyone’s existence. This forever tie to mother gives a child a sense of security as they go through life. Obviously, if the bond is not correct, this could also be detrimental to the child throughout life.

Aging parents, like my mom, are known for telling stories from days gone by. That is one of the best things they could do. I know some older people think that the younger generation will be bored with their stories, but that isn’t true. Stories from the past are always relevant to the identity of the next generation, even if they seem boring or not impressive. Stories about the past give us understanding about who we have become and why, and they remind us that the people we are talking to have had a profound life journey, just like we’re having.

Stories don’t just give us context for our lives, but they also give us vision of who we want to become. Aging parents show their posterity who they want to become. Even if the parent isn’t perfect, they still give their families inspiration to move in a productive direction.

2. Second, when life starts moving slower, priorities are much more obvious. The older generation offers the younger generation a view of what’s really important. When career and thrill seeking are no longer the top time takers in a person’s life, then what priorities come into view? Family, people, God, and condition of heart all seem to top the priority list of the aging person. Suddenly, time with family becomes the most important part of their lives. That is a great reminder to a busy father or young mother. Family time is actually the most fulfilling time of all.

3. Third, aging parents get the opportunity to empower the next generation by being an example of strength during adversity. When the body starts slowing down and even falling apart in some cases, this can seem like a burden or something to be afraid of to a young person. But, an older person that goes through that stage of life with confidence and courage destroys that fear and offers powerful perspective of the inner strength that never leaves us, no matter what is happening on the outside. When I’m with Mom, I see her do more each day than she thought she could. How does she do it? She keeps thinking that she can. She keeps telling herself that doing more is possible. Thank you, Mom, for this powerful perspective that undoubtably will help me in my future life.

4. Fourth, slowing down is good. Our fast-paced society uses words like ‘hustle’ and ‘multi-task’ to motivate and increase speed. But when we can’t hustle or multi-task as easily, does that mean life loses its impact? Nope. In fact, the impact is greater. When I’m with Mom, all the little things seem bigger. I recognize challenges more, but I also recognize the blessings that I might’ve otherwise taken for granted. Slowing down is a blessing to be grateful for. In Alaska I found myself grateful for things like alone time in an elevator, quiet time on a bench, and extra steps needed to go up a steep incline. Bonding happens best during the slow times.

5. Fifth, aging parents and grandparents create fun, unique memories that last. Silly memories with Mom in Alaska include things like spilling food on a shirt, getting hands stained purple on accident, having a car ticketed for finding a ‘closer spot,’ dipping her hands in the ocean off the side of a whale watching boat, and laughing in the middle of the night that we saw the Northern Lights even though we stayed at the car. These memories will stay with me forever. If I ever hear talk of the Northern Lights, I’ll think of that night with Mom.

6. Sixth, understand small things. Some small things, like aches and pains, don’t matter. But other small things, like a desired photo at the moose antler arch, free ice cream at night, and a road-side view of the tallest mountain in North America, do matter. The aches and pains are temporary and shouldn’t get the attention. The memories being made are forever, and, however small, need to be important.

7. Seventh, love is a choice that takes time to cultivate. Have I loved my mom since birth? Absolutely. Affection toward a mother is a very strong bond. But, being in love with Mom at any given moment is a choice. We both have to choose to love our time together in order to have a good time. We both sacrifice and do more so that we can spend quantity and quality time together, but it’s all worth it. We choose love again and again despite our different personality traits. My mom spends her days choosing to love people. These constant choices give everyone who knows her a feeling of importance.

The Best Mother’s Day Gift

Often when we think of mothers, we think of the young women enduring sleepless nights and work-filled days to keep her babies happy, healthy, and morally strong. Mothering changes over time in some ways, but not in all ways. There are still sleepless nights born out of concern for others or physical difficulties. And days are still filled with work. Just like when her children were young, an aging mother has to mentally muscle through hardships as she serves and loves the people around her. She lifts society as she did before, but now she is the second witness for the moral upbringing being taught by her children. And, sometimes that second witness is just what the world needs to understand the truths that really lead to happiness, health, and freedom.

This Mother’s Day season, remember that the gift your mother or grandmother has worked her whole life for is you. Your presence in her life is the greatest gift of all. It is the fuel behind her work and provides the strength to keep her going and influencing for good. Your presence in her life is the greatest gift you could give. Give time this year. Visit or call, and when you do, learn lessons from her. Ask for stories and make memories that will keep you both going during the hard times that will certainly be ahead.

Read Nicholeen’s best selling book “Roles, The Secret To Family, Business, & Social Success.”

Remembering WOW’s Founder – Nina Palmer

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Obituary:

A joyous reunion was held on the other side of the veil when our mother and grandmother, Nina, peacefully crossed over on September 6, 2021 surrounded by loved ones. Although the last years of her life Nina struggled with Alzheimer’s and then cancer, during this difficult season of her final journey home, she did not let it diminish her spirit, her faith, or her fun laugh and positive outlook on life! She kept her sense of humor to the end!

Nina was always expressing her excitement about passing on to the next stage of her life…as she affectionately referred to it as “the ultimate trip”. For years Nina was always heard saying things such as “Oh, I have had such a wonderful life!” and “Every righteous desire of my heart has been granted me.” and “I can’t possibly think of anything else that I could have ever wanted!”.

Born in Orem, Utah during the Great Depression, Nina was the youngest of seven children born to Arthur V. Watkins and Andrea Rich Watkins. (Her older sister only lived a few short hours, but Nina always remembered her and counted her in with her siblings.) At the age of 15, Nina moved from Orem to Arlington, Virginia when her father was elected as U.S. Senator for Utah. Nina was very involved in high school and had many exciting adventures with her best friend, Shirley Crowther (Hardman). Nina was selected as Washington Lee High School Salutatorian from her large graduating class of 400 students. Nina then enrolled at George Washington University and later transferred to BYU where she graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Art and a minor in French.

During her college time at GWU, Nina met her true love (William) Martin Palmer who was a medical student, while on a blind date. When Nina transferred to BYU she and Martin had a long distance dating relationship for two years, and upon Nina’s graduation they were sealed for time and eternity in the Salt Lake Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Nina worked full time while Martin finished up his fourth year of medical school at the University of Maryland Medical School, they then applied to do his pediatric cardiology residency in the Bay Area and off they moved across the country from the East Coast to sunny Northern California for a new adventure!

Nina, Martin and their four children loved living in the Bay Area and thoroughly enjoyed many happy years in beautiful Northern California with life long friendships with the Billeter’s, Christensen’s, Wickel’s and Stephen’s. Nina loved going to the ocean (especially in the winter to enjoy the crashing waves) and enjoyed many trips with Martin to her favorite vacation spot, Carmel. Every year family vacation times were spent going down to San Diego to spend time with Martin’s sister and family “The Squire Gang” or driving to Utah to spend time with Nina’s siblings and their children, attending the famous “Corry Reunion” camping at Navajo Lake in Southern Utah or visiting other relatives. Nina instilled in her children the importance of extended family and having meaningful relationships with cousins. (For which we are so very grateful!).

In 1973 Nina and Martin decided to start another adventure when Martin left his private medical pediatric practice and accepted the position as the Medical Director at Primary Children’s Medical Center – so they left sunny California and moved their family to Salt Lake City, Utah to be near cousins and grandparents and learn to ski and enjoy the snow.

Nina was very involved over the years with many different organizations. Nina worked to get community groups organized and was involved as an original member of the Utah Federation for Drug Free Youth, was a member of the Governor’s Task Force on Youth Alcohol and Drug Use, and the Governor’s Council on Volunteerism. Nina started the Utah Association of Women in the late 1970’s in an informal caucus in her living room. Nina worked hard to get her women’s organization granted consultative status by the Economic and Social Council of the United Nations, and for many years she was heavily involved with traveling the world to participate in UN meetings and conferences. In 2000, she was also elected to the Board of Directors of the World Movement of Mothers and for years had the opportunity to go to Paris to attend their annual Board Meetings.

Nina was extremely proud of her pioneer ancestors and loved sharing the stories and journal entries of her ancestors. She raised her children and grandchildren on their stories and instilled her love for these ancestors to many other family members. Nina loved planning and organizing huge family reunions and as part of family vacations, insisted on visiting many cemeteries to see the grave markers of ancestors. Nina also loved history and served as a docent in the Oakland Museum while living in California. Because of the knowledge she gained while at the Museum, the family enjoyed many wonderful vacations planned by Nina as they went to gold rush sites, panned for gold and learned to love the stories of the old timers!

Nina was very politically active her entire life and as a daughter of a US Senator, she attended many events at the Senate Chambers, The White House and had many experiences not many young teenagers have the opportunity to enjoy.

Nina was a very detailed record keeper and put together over 100 large three ring binders on her life, her ancestors lives, her husband’s life and his ancestors. Nina was always trying to share the gospel of Jesus Christ, both at home and abroad and was never shy of sharing her testimony of and her belief in, her Savior, Jesus Christ. Nina was a devoted member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints throughout her life and enjoyed serving in many church callings.

As a widow, Nina sold the family home in Holladay, left the hustle and bustle of the Wasatch Front and followed her daughter and family out to Erda, to enjoy the beauty of Tooele County. Nina loved the openness of the country, the beautiful sunsets, the mountain views, the dark starry nights that Erda offered, and the friendly neighbors. Nina spent many hours sitting on her front porch enjoying the serenity of country life!

Nina loved spending time with all her “special nieces” and going out to lunch down in Orem at the Sizzler. She looked forward to these fun lunches with her niece, Carol and her wonderful daughters Diane, Janet and Andrea. She also loved going out to lunch with the “Bountiful Cousins”, Andrea, Mary Lee, Laurel and sometimes cousin Kent! Many happy memories and deep friendships were forged over the years with intergenerational get-togethers! Nina loved everything the color blue, dolls, reading, and all things historical!

Nina was preceded in death by her husband, Martin and their son, Art; as well as her parents, siblings and most of her dear friends. She is survived by her children: Marty (Dave) Wallace, Bill Palmer, Ginny (Mike) Vielstich as well as her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She will also be missed by many nieces, nephews, and neighbors.

Funeral services will be held at the Wasatch Lawn Memorial Park & Mortuary Chapel – 3401 South Highland Drive, SLC on Saturday, Sept. 18, 2021 at 11:00 am. Viewing to be held one hour prior. In an abundance of caution, the family respectfully requests that masks be worn. The funeral services can be viewed online at the Wasatch Lawn Memorial Park website by going to the “recent obituaries” and clicking on Nina’s name.

Deep gratitude is expressed for all those that shared their time over the years to make Nina’s life pleasant by stopping by to chat, making time for a phone call or sending a card, bringing over flowers or dropping off yummy cookies. Your kindness was always noticed, appreciated and for sure was recorded by the angels above! A special thank you to her granddaughter Hailey who spent countless hours with Grandma, listening to her stories and rendering compassionate care the last 1-½ years.

Endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternities.

The obituary above was originally published on the Dignity Memorial website. (https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/salt-lake-city-ut/nina-palmer-10345572)

Tribute to Mr. Ugochukwu (Husband of Carol Ugochukwu)

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WOW International is grieving for the loss of Mr. Ichie Dalane Omeokachie, Ike Ugochukwu. We know that behind every good and noble woman is a stellar man who supports and loves her. Carol, we know how much you have always worked as a team with your husband, and we honor that partnership at this time. 


Mr. Ugochukwu was a selfless man who spent his life serving his family, colleagues, and anyone that he could help. For decades the Ugochukwu family has loved and led the women and families of Nigeria through the WOW Africa organization, an official partner of WOW International. Through this organization Mr. and Mrs. Ugochukwu have led with hearts full of charity and love, countless people to greater prosperity and freedom and have advocated for rights for all women and girls in Nigeria. 


The Ugochukwu family is a tight knit family, full of love and goodness. They are dedicated to loving God and family above all else. The children follow the example of their parents as they focus on living good lives dedicated to making the world a better place while also promoting family unity and love through their real life examples. The impact of the Ugochukwu family on their communities is a byproduct of the example and teaching of their father and grandfather. 


Ichie Dala Omeokachie , Ike Ugochukwu leaves a legacy of love, service, and leadership that will forever be a testimony of the goodness of his life and heart. 
We love you Carol and Amaka, and all your family, and we hope and pray for your comfort and blessings during this time when your husband, father, and grandfather has been called to return back to his Heavenly Father in his heavenly home. 


With Love, 
Nicholeen Peck, President of WOW International, and the whole WOW International Board 

A Global Need For Authentic Grandparents

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Authentic grandparents who actively engage with their children and grandchildren establish a foundation of security and hope for the younger generations that can’t be found elsewhere.

Grandpa had a boat and regularly took me and the rest of his large family out for rides and on water-skiing trips. These were fun memories, but one boating memory stands out above all others.

Grandpa always drove the boat fast, unless Grandma was onboard. But, even though we were speeding across the water I always felt safe with Grandpa at the wheel. There was something so strong and secure about my WWII veteran grandfather that made me want to follow him anywhere and listen to anything he said.

After a long day of boating we begged Grandpa for “one last ride” out on the lake. So, Grandpa consented and ended up on the lake alone with three small children. Then it happened. The boat stopped dead in the middle of the large lake. Grandpa looked at our three worried faces and said, “Don’t worry. It’s probably something small. I’ll see if I can fix it.”

This put me instantly at ease because I had seen Grandpa fix the boat and other things countless times. After about 15 minutes of tinkering with the engine, Grandpa casually said, “I don’t have what I need to fix this problem out here in the lake. So, we will need to get to shore the old fashioned way; rowing.” (Cell phones weren’t a thing at this time.)

As if nothing happened, Grandpa confidently led us to open the lower compartment and locate two oars that he kept for “special occasions” in the bottom of the boat. He assured us that we would start rowing, but that it wouldn’t be long before someone saw us and could tow us back to the harbor.

Grandpa saw the worry on our faces. We were small and we knew we couldn’t row very well so high up above the water. He said, “We are prepared. We don’t need to fear. We will say a prayer and then work with all our mights, and God will do the rest.”

We prayed with Grandpa in that speedboat with the darkness falling all around us and hoped that we would be found.

Time went by and more darkness came. It seemed like the answer to our prayer was taking a long time to come. Grandpa reassured us. “The Lord hears our prayers. Don’t worry.” So, we kept rowing.

Within minutes of Grandpa showing us his great faith in God, a boat light came into view and we had someone to help us to shore.

Grandpa taught me that God answers prayers. He talked about it, showed it, and trusted in it right in front of me. My life was changed by the deliberate example of great faith that Grandpa showed.

Our Current Situation

Today’s youth need authentic people in their lives. In this time of culture wars, increased emotional and familial instability, and political discrimination, even within families, youth need the grounding influence of people who have seen more and know how to weather storms and pick themselves up after a fall and during social instability; authentic grandparents.

Unfortunately, many youth have been groomed by the media to think anyone who is old, or who isn’t as savvy with technology as they are, is not relevant. The alternate reality many young people are living has turned their hearts against the generations of people who have lived authentic lives and learned authentic truths that could transform their lives.

Authentic Grandparents

Many grandparents cheer for the successes of their grandchildren and go to sporting matches and dance performances. But, authentic grandparents go beyond supporting. They impart wisdom and actively influence their families for good. They embrace their unique roles in society as elders and focus more upon imparting true wisdom than on chasing after the fountain of youth.

Authentic means to have “genuine original authority” to not be false or counterfeit, and to be true. Grandparents who embrace deliberately instructing their grandchildren and giving wisdom when required or inspired to give it are staying true to the original authority to share experience that comes with being a grandparent. In contrast, grandparents who just spoil grandchildren and repeat the rhetoric of these times without focusing on truth or wisdom are acting the grandparent part, but not showing the authentic grandparent heart. Even if their opinions are not popular, grandparents who share their ideas with the grandchildren show integrity and open-mindedness.

Grandchildren usually know that their grandparents love them and would do anything to help them, so when wisdom drops from their lips, many grandchildren are more likely to hear those words with understanding and gratitude, or at least open-mindedness. In a world of conflicting views and closed-minded conversations, grandparents have a unique and powerful influence. They can show their grandchildren through love and wisdom that hearing other opinions is okay and can even be safe. Grandchildren of authentic loving grandparents often have more security and confidence in who they are because they are fed light and knowledge from a loving fountain of life experience and have a deeper connection to their familial identity.

Teaching More This Year

My grandparents had get-togethers for every occasion that they could think of. But, they didn’t just stop at getting together. They made every family occasion an opportunity to establish meaningful family traditions and to teach deep and lasting truths.

When we had Thanksgiving, the table was always set with 5 kernels of corn on each plate as a reminder of what the Pilgrims ate before the bountiful harvest. We then did a First Thanksgiving play that centered on the Mayflower Compact and the faith of the Pilgrims and charity of the Natives. These traditions taught us to love our country and to adopt good characteristics.

For Christmas we always got together and had a talent show to have a time to support each other and to get to know each other better. We also had a Christmas play about the Savior full of spiritual memories. Grandma and Grandpa always showed their love for the Savior by testifying to me of their love and gratitude for Him. I could feel the deep love in their hearts and knew that I needed to learn about Jesus myself.

No matter if it was Mother’s Day or St. Patrick’s Day, there was special food, fun, and more testimony and words of wisdom from Grandma and Grandpa. The faith, wisdom, and character of my grandparents was predictable and stable-feeling. As I look at what my life has become, and who I have become, as well as the lives of all my cousins, I see how that stability has led us all to become the kind of people who share wisdom when we meet together and who strive to make the world a better place, just like Grandma and Grandpa did. When grandparents authentically share their hearts and wisdom with their grandchildren, they don’t just leave a legacy of wisdom, but of security and purpose, too.

Now, when I see my parents set aside time at family functions for a spiritual lesson or a moment about a lesson they’ve learned in life, I’m so pleased. I want my children, and now even my grandchildren, to see the authentically good grandparents and great grandparents they have. I want them to see an example worth striving to become like. So, I encourage my parents and my husband’s parents to go deeper and talk more to my children.

This generation of young people is bombarded with confusing voices from all sides of current debates and social and political battles. Life often feels scary and unstable. As so many children are battling insecurity and uncertainty, it’s obvious to me that one of our youth’s greatest needs is to have a hopeful vision of how to get through hard times and practical wisdom that leads to strength and problem-solving. These are treasures that truly authentic grandparents can provide. Grandparenting is not about filling in for parents; it’s about helping parents by being the voice of truth and wisdom no matter if grandparents live nearby or send love by cards and emails.

As a brand-new grandma to my beloved Clara, I only hope that I will have the courage to be as authentic of a grandma as my dear grandparents were to me.

Your children and grandchildren will love these books this Christmas that teach self-government skills and family unity. Start teaching now.

Raising Daughters Into Strong Women A Different Way

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My views have changed. During my teen and young adult years, I thought that women needed to do everything men did, and women did, in order to be strong. But, now that I have seen every dimension of womanhood firsthand, I see that my views of women and myself lacked depth and understanding when I was young, and I was heavily influenced by socially-promoted assumptions. I was easily influenced by social conversations that put people into limiting boxes. Luckily time, example, and experience are great teachers of truth, and I was never one to allow someone else to put me in a box, stereotypical or otherwise.

Recently released movies and books are often portraying women as aggressors and uncaring in order to show female strength. Yet, every child knows that nowhere feels as safe as being in the protective embrace of their mommy. So, who is really stronger, a female super hero or a nurturing mother or grandmother? Who really overcomes the most intense hardships and has the greatest social influence? And, is it bad or good to be a girl who throws punches? How are our daughters doing at navigating our confusing social messages about what makes a strong woman?

A short time ago, I was visiting a university campus and saw a young woman with a shirt that said, “Be Rude.” This message was clearly meant to sound strong, but when I saw it, I didn’t see strength. I saw a woman who was giving up one of her greatest strengths, the strength that literally changes the world, the power to nurture others through kindness.

Raising daughters who embrace their full womanhood and nurturing power in a world of voices that limit women to extrinsic pursuits like popularity, fortune, and sex appeal can be difficult. However, parents can help their daughters safely navigate all the conflicting messages by focusing on the following four lessons.

5 Lessons To Teach

Fortunately, I was raised to be a hard worker and to not be afraid of getting my hands dirty. I played sports, danced, accessorized, mowed lawns, and chopped wood. I was just as likely to play basketball competitively with my dates as I was likely to teach them to tie a quilt. In fact, on a couple of occasions I got black eyes from basketball dating accidents.

Lesson 1 —Talents are varied between the sexes, and girls can try all the activities, including domestic ones.

True to the legacy of strong women in my family tree, my parents raised me to be strong in all ways. I was taught about the social, physical, intellectual, familial, and spiritual influence women have, and the ability they have to direct relationships, social circles, business outcomes, and global ideas.

Lesson 2 —Women need to keep a long view vision of what they want to create. Women often set the tone for society because of their ability to influence others. Men and children often follow cues from women. Teach your daughters the truth about their influence and that they will change lives and the world, whether they want to or not. So, they might as well plan for what they want the people around them to turn out like so that they can be more focused on their pursuits.

The other day I heard a great man talk about his recently departed wife. This man had received some of the greatest honors and status that his religious and business communities could give him. While speaking of these honors, he gave all the glory to his wife. With a humble heart he said that he hoped she could see from beyond the grave what he had become because of her influence, leadership, and work ethic. Their mutual service to and acceptance of each other had simultaneously lifted both of them up. They didn’t compete with each other or engage in the battle of the sexes, which always divides and creates discontentment in relationships. Instead, they each did what they were best suited to do and nurtured and appreciated each other and their differences all along the way.

Lesson 3 — Don’t teach girls to see boys as “the competition” or engage in the battle of the sexes. These battles create a pattern for selfishness in relationships. Teach them instead to lift and lead (which sometimes means follow) with love and understanding, even if they are competing in some event and working hard for a win.

Lesson 4 — Love motherhood! Motherhood is the most womanly act a woman ever engages in. Treat motherhood with the greatest respect. If you are the mother, learn to love what you are doing to serve your family. Complaining creates confusion and can give the impression that being a mother or woman isn’t wonderful or powerful. Don’t engage in seeking negative attention by whining or complaining. Celebrate all the good moments, and plan to be grateful for your power to literally script the life of another person. And if you aren’t a mother, talk respectfully of mothers so that girls learn to love who they are and will likely become.

My mother regularly told me that what she wanted more than anything in life was to be a mother to her children. She made diligent efforts to be happy and fun and make wonderful memories for me and my siblings. In fact, as a grandmother, she hasn’t stopped cooking up inspiring memories yet!

Additionally, my mother told me stories of her favorite memories with her mother and grandmothers. I saw and felt firsthand how their influences formed her into the person she was in my life. Tell stories of the power of mothers and women in your family tree or inspiring women in your life. Your love that is felt during those stories will show your daughters that womanhood truly does change lives.

Lesson 5 —Teach good communication and relationship-building skills. Women have an amazing ability to unify and motivate or to fracture relationships and create war. So, when we teach our daughters to calmly share differences of opinion by disagreeing appropriately with others, and how to openly and kindly solve problems as a family, then we are laying a foundation for future home, career, and social happiness.

My Views Have Changed

I used to think that I had to be more masculine, more rough, more uncaring, more like the many heroic women portrayed in the media today. That one-dimensional view of women and power is laughable to me now. A woman is so much more. Women hold society and families together by opening their hearts and taking people into it. Women can cause social ills or solve them simply by pointing their attention in a certain direction. Mothers and grandmothers are the hearts and hearthstones of society. They keep the people moral, or not, and are a constant reminder that sacrifice and love are stronger than any bully.

Let us raise our daughters into strong women in a different way so that they can find more confidence and power in their womanhood, instead of always feeling that they are not good enough because they are a woman. Those lies, sadly often perpetuated by other women, only hurt our daughters. They need the truth about womanhood, that all women really do change the world.

Join Nicholeen for her next Teaching Self-Government Intensive Training. Details here.

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