Marriage & Family

A Mighty Mother’s Heart!

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The heart of every mother desires for her child to find his place in the world, but that same sweet mother’s heart just about breaks when her child goes into the world for his life’s journey. 

 

Within the past two years I’ve joyfully sent my two oldest children out of the country to help people far from home. As much as I felt like doing a front flip from joy, I also felt as if my heart was ripped out as I saw them step into adult shoes and adult responsibilities. My tears were mixed up. Some were joyful and others were filled with pain. 

 

I wondered how a mother’s heart must feel when she sends a child to war? Many, many mothers have worn badges of honor and sorrow as they have kissed their children and sent them off to stop a conflict or save the helpless. 

 

A mother’s heart is the most tender and powerful part of society. Classical stories and historical accounts are full of mothers loving and grieving in powerful ways for their children. Think of Abigail Adams, Mrs. Margaret March (Marmee), and Mary the mother of Christ. 

 

In a day when some people openly show disdain for motherhood — as well as contempt for the traditional public praise of that powerful social and familial figure we call mother — it might do us well to ask ourselves a question. Where would we all be, and who would we all be, without the strength and security that comes from a mother’s heart? 

 

Even if our own mothers weren’t perfect, they loved, ached and prayed for, as well as taught us. Their hearts made us choose better than we normally would have and helped us feel safety when nothing else would. No matter our age or the age of the mother’s heart, we lean on it for strength and look to it as a source of truth. Nothing can replace the impact a loving mother’s heart has on a person’s life.

 

For some, a mother wasn’t always there. But even when that happens, none can deny the powerful influences the hearts of other mothers can also have on us. Even just the longing for the love and security of a nurturing mother’s heart can forever improve a life and perspective. 

 

A Mighty Mother 

 

Years ago I spoke with a remarkable mother about one of the hardest motherhood moments in her life. As a mother of six children she was always busy teaching, correcting, kissing, loving and praying for her busy family. 

 

During World War II she was a young woman, so she knew firsthand the rigors of physical and emotional hardships. 

 

In war time the people knew many of the brothers, husbands, cousins, uncles and fathers wouldn’t come home alive. But World War II wasn’t the most important war the soldiers were fighting. To the families left behind and to the majority of the GIs, the real war was between right and wrong; good and bad. If their son had chosen the right and lived a clean, good life, then he had won even if he was killed in action. 

 

This mother married one of those clean, good men and raised a family of children who were taught how to be good people. They were also taught how to stay clean and good. 

 

One by one her children left the safety of her protective care. She watched them go and her heart swelled with pride and anguish. Most of the children chose paths that would lead them to happiness and freedom, but one child didn’t. 

 

She watched her young daughter start to develop bad friends and participate in activities that eventually led to her sadness and frustration. For a time, she damaged relationships and suffered many negative consequences for her actions. 

 

Then, almost as quickly as the young adult went off course, she found herself back on the right track. She became dedicated to living a happier and more principled life. 

 

When the mother related this story to me as one of her hardest parenting moments, I asked her what she did to help her daughter during her very difficult times. 

 

This now gray-haired, gray-eyed woman looked into my eyes and into my heart and said, “I loved her. I never stopped loving her. No matter what she did that wasn’t good, I kept showering her with my love. I didn’t agree with all my daughter did, but I never stopped loving her — and she knew it.” 

 

This one simple conversation with an elderly woman years ago taught me one of the most profound lessons about motherhood I have ever learned. A mother’s heart is her most powerful tool. It sets the tone for the relationships and the home environment, and it draws everyone to the truths she teaches. I also learned that no matter how hard a mother tries, a child may still go astray, but the mother’s heart can always help to bring a wayward child home again.

 

In hard times, a mother’s heart carries the others through and points the way to go. A mother’s heart is the dearest part of her. 

 

No wonder so many children present their mothers with pictures and crafts done up in hearts each year on that one day that commemorates the impact mothers have on us all and our hearts!

 

If you, your wife or mother wants more unity and happiness at home this year for Mother’s Day, you’ll want to take advantage of the extreme Mother’s Day discount special of $400 off on the upcoming Parenting Mastery Retreat. Visit: https://teachingselfgovernment.com/events/parenting-mastery-retreat 

10 Fundamentals of Parenting Video

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Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. It is also the most rewarding. There are parenting principles that can make parenting easier. Here are 10 Fundamentals of Parenting that will make the world’s hardest job much easier. 

Commentary on the Article THE FAMILY AS SOCIETAL SAFETY NET

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The article on the Family as Societal Safety –Net, published in Nigeria, This Day Newspaper of November 12, 2015, reflects the present picture of family as most people believe in Africa. Marriage as most Africans understand is a union between a man and a woman and the idea of same sex marriage is seen as foreign.

African marriage ceremonies involve elaborate traditional activities, which involve the bride and groom, the two families and the communities. Although the types of ceremonies vary from one community to another, the traditional requirement of marriage relies on the male and female aspects of the ceremony.

Though there have been many changes in technology and culture, there is very little shift in traditional African communities about the concept of marriage.  For the African, from marriage we build families. The family is the fundamental unit of society, it is said to be where our heritage begins and where we learn the basic teachings about life.

On another note, this article points out, that, as more women get educated and acquire financial independence, many mothers are working outside their homes. Both parents leave the house for work everyday.   These tendencies leave children more vulnerable to mistreatment and misdirection by some vicious house-helps or care givers.   Professional caregivers cost a lot and most parents cannot afford to meet the financial demands. The result is that most children stay longer hours with unqualified caregivers than with their parents.  It, therefore, deprives the children of the bond between them and their parents. To build strong family bonding, employers might retain more quality workers and greater productivity, if more support and time is given to employees to have access to good daycare and given more time off to attend to family obligations. Raising a family is important to the society and it necessary to pay attention to this essential duty to society.

Therefore, WOW-Africa focuses its programs on promoting healthy marriages, strong families working with parents.  WOW –Africa is on the forefront advocating for changes to traditional practices and culture to militate against women and children in various communities in sub-Saharan Africa. Parents have an obligation to establish stable families and attend to teaching the children the truth about life.

As Thomas A. Kempis writes in the Imitation of Christ, “Persons who are taught by truth and not by symbols or deceitful words are really blessed and happy, for they learn the truth in itself.  Our own opinions and lack of knowledge often lead us astray, because we do not know the truth as it is”.

The West came to Africa many years ago to teach Christianity and its gospel principles.  Most Africans listened to the message of the Christian religion, believed, welcomed and carried the good news.  Today the West has come back to Africa and with the power of the television, the radio and the internet to teach us a new version of Marriage.  Through the print and electronic media, we hear about Marriage Equality.  This remains a hard sell to many Africans as the new truth.  The result is that many African countries are threatened with discontinuation of charitable aids or projects to improve the social and economic development of these struggling nations.

African culture and the Holy Books teach us the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you”.  In other words, do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you.  Africans are committed to loving others as God loves us. They are committed to establishing families as the basic units of the community. They are still committed to the original truth taught in the Holy Books.  A new concept is still a very hard pill for many Africans to swallow. 

In conclusion, as Pope Francis said during his recent visit to Uganda, East Africa, his visit was meant to draw attention to Africa as a whole, its promise, the hopes, its struggles and its achievements.  “ The world looks up to Africa as the continent of hope”

In all, Africa is indeed the continent that maintains its traditional belief and value that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman and strong families build strong communities and nations.  As Pope Francis further said in Uganda, , Africa has her promises and hopes, her struggles and achievements.

Unfortunately, clamping down on the spirit of charity because Africa holds on to her beliefs on marriage is unfair.  After all, Africa is not trying to insist on her own habits of polygamy.  We should say, live and let us live, however in our bliss or truth about marriage and community. 

Carol Ugochukwu–Executive Director Worldwide Organization for Women Africa, VP WOW-Africa

The Best Father’s Day Gift Ever!

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“Urgh!” my husband exclaimed, as he dropped on the leather couch in our family room.  

I could see he was frustrated. Maybe this was the moment I had been waiting for, praying for. Over the years I had seen my husband become more and more lazy in his parenting and communications.  We used to be on the same page with how we corrected and taught the children, but as his busy life consumed more of his time and energy, he started relaxing in his parenting style and had begun to lose touch with his role in the home.

He still saw himself as the leader and father of the family, but the children didn’t necessarily see him that way.  Since I was calmer than my husband and more consistent with teaching and correcting our children than he was, the children started respecting me, but manipulating him.  I felt bad as I saw the children growing further and further away from their father, so I prayed daily that he would feel motivated to change his course and find principles in his communications again.  

At this time in our marriage, I couldn’t talk to my husband about how I felt about these things because he didn’t like anyone to correct him. He viewed my comments, which were made from a place of love and concern, as criticism. Thankfully, we have both taken the time over the years to improve ourselves and our marriage relationship, so now we are in a place where we seek correction from each other., 

A Learning Moment

“What do you want?” I said.  

“What do you mean ‘what do I want?’ That’s a pretty broad question,” he replied.

“Well, you are obviously frustrated.  You just sat down with a deep sigh.  You must want something.  What do you want?  What do you want tor yourself and for your life right now?”  I questioned him again.

“I just want the kids to do what I say,” He confessed.  

“Oh, okay. Just say ‘I’m giving you an instruction…’ before you tell them what to do. The children know the steps to following instructions.  If you pre-teach them in that way before instructing they will understand you better,” I explained.

For years I had taught my children four basic communication and self-government skills and they were good at them.  My husband actually knew the skills too; he just didn’t choose to communicate with them. The most basic of the skills was Following Instructions.  The steps to Following Instructions are: 

Look at the person giving instruction with a calm face, voice and body

Say “okay” or ask to disagree appropriately

Do the task immediately

Check back when the task is complete  

My husband looked at me as a large smile spread across his face.  “Are you saying I need to use the ‘Four Basic Skills’ again?” 

“Well, I think that these skills — Following Instructions, Accepting No Answers, Accepting Consequences and Disagreeing Appropriately — are skills for life. So, yes.  I guess you can say that as parents we can’t stop teaching them these important skills,” I said.

“Okay. I will use the skills again.  I guess I assumed that they should just remember to obey once they were told to,” he confessed.

Now I was smiling. I had been praying that my husband would want to talk about the best way to teach the children, the way we used to discuss it.  My heart was thrilled, we were finally becoming unified the important mission of raising our children again. “Honey, that was a great couple’s meeting.” I said.

“A couple’s meeting?” he asked.

“Sure, these short meetings about what we want are vital to creating the kind of family we are hoping to have. If we have these meetings regularly, you can get lots of what you want.  If you want dinner by a certain time, or more time to cuddle and talk, you just need to tell me and I can help you get more of what you want.”  

At this moment shock set into my husband’s face. “You would make dinner by 6:00 pm every day if I said I wanted it?” he asked in disbelief.  

“I can’t say I would be perfect, but if you really wanted it, I would try to help you get what you want,” I assured him. “That is what people who love people do.  But, if we don’t ever talk about things deliberately, then I won’t know what you want and can’t help you get it.” 

“Okay, let’s have regular meetings,” he said with enthusiasm.  

Lessons Learned And Wants Received 

So, what do all dads want? They want their children to respect them and they want their wives to understand and help them.  Don’t we all want understanding and respect? These are two of the most important things to all people.

This year for Father’s Day, give the dad in your family what he wants most — to feel your love and understanding and to have peace at home.  Maybe this year focus more on how you communicate with him instead of focusing only on a gift. Of course he will still love that new tool or ticket to the big game. But if that game or tool comes with deep love shown through unity, understanding and respect, then the dad in your life will see himself as the luckiest man alive. 

To find out how to teach your family the Four Basic Skills or how to have meaningful couple’s meetings, visit https://teachingselfgovernment.com 

Mothers: The Next Generation’s Hope for the Future

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     This is Lydia Sigourney’s message in her beautifully intelligent 1838 treatise on Motherhood, “Letters to Mothers”. Each page inspires one to recognize the noble and glorious work of Mother, while instructing in a gentle manner through story, anecdote, and practical wisdom. Her work brings energy to the soul, and will strengthen your resolve as a Mom.  A few of her notions for a woman’s place will seem starkly Victorian, but her message to mothers remains a timeless model worth emulation.

“Let Mothers mingle their teachings with smiles, and the dialect of love. It is surprising how soon an infant learns to read the countenance, how it deciphers the charm of a cheerful spirit, how it longs to be loved.”

“….the strength of a nation, especially of a republican nation is in the intelligent and well-ordered homes of the people. And in proportion as the discipline of families is relaxed, will the happy organization of communities be affected, and national character becomes vagrant, turbulent, or ripe for revolution.”

“Do you ask, when shall we begin to teach our children religion ? As soon as you see them.As soon as they are laid upon your breast. As soon as you feel the pure breath issuing from thatwondrous tissue of air vessels which God has wreathed around the heart. The religion of a new-born babe, is…”  (Infancy)

     The above are quotes from Lydia, Christian wife, mother, and the American poetess of the Victorian era, known as the “Sweet Singer of Hartford” and the “Female Milton”.  Her popular wisdom inspired many 19th century female Lyceum Societies to be named after her. It is a shame her work has quietly gone into the dust bin of History, but old can be new again. Give yourself, your family, and society a gift this Mother’s Day and share , “Letters to Mothers”. You can find her work free online at :     https://archive.org/details/letterstomother00sigogoo

A Year To Remember For The Utah Legislature!

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This year WOW was actively engaged in the Utah Legislature fighting to protect religious libertites, parental rights, family, and rights of conscience.  There were a lot of bills and resolutions this session that are worth talking about.  

The biggest topic on Utah capitol hill for the past few years has been what to do about the anti-discrimination bills that keep pushing language that would not protect religious liberties.  WOW has fought dilligently for the past three years to protect religious liberties. 

SB99, SB100, HB322, SB297 and SB296 were a handful of the bills that asked for religious liberties or anti-discrimination legislation or both.  Of these bills SB296 and SB297 passed.  This last bill was a balanced bill calling for anti-discrimination in housing and employment, but also calling for protection of religious liberties.  

During this legislative session the LDS church spoke out in favor of SB296 and SB297undoubtably making a positive influence on their passing. The ACLU opposed these bills. WOW was very disappointed that HB322 did not pass as it was a very good bill for protecting religious liberties.  

There was an exciting bill stating that parents must opt their children into sex ed. classes now.  This is a great precaution to take to protect the consciences of children and religious freedoms as well as parental rights.

HB48 passed.  This bill prevents some uses of powdered alcohol.  This is good news. 

WOW was opposed to HB391 the death with diginity (assisted suicide) bill. Luckily this bill did not pass. 

WOW was opposed to HB134 which was a homeschool tax credit bill.  We felt that this bill would potentially lead to regulation of homeschooling families in the future leading to possible violations of parent rights, and it is not a fair bill to other families who don’t have children in public schools and won’t get credits.  This bill did not pass. 

SB175 unfortunately passed.  It was a bill designed to create a school safety help line for children.  This hotline will be promoted to children.  The calls will be taken by unknown people at the University of Utah and parents will not be told if their child calls the number.  We have not been able to determine what kinds of advice or services can be offered by the unknown people at the college.  We see this bill as a very possible violation of conscience and a definate violation of parental rights to help their own children.  We felt it would be better to adopt a plan to teach children to talk more with their parents and teachers instead of take more tax money to refer children to strangers whose morals are not known. 

These were some of the big bills we watched and chimed in on.  But, there are always some kind of ridiculous bills like this one.  Did you know that in Utah code it says it is against the law to ride a bicycle with no hands?  Some things are not meant to be made into laws.  

It is important that we all stay as informed as possible so that we can stand up for the principles and values we hold dear.  

Official Statement About US Supreme Court Decision 10-6-14

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This morning, October 6, 2014, the Supreme Court denied appeals from Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, Indiana and Wisconsin for a State’s right to protect marriage as a union between a man and a woman. This decision saddens The Worldwide Organization For Women.

As an organization that specializes in helping women and families, WOW views this decision as degrading to the  dual roles of women in society as mothers, and men as fathers.  Women and men should not be thought of as interchangeable equivalents, but should be honored as powerful co-creators  with God of children.  Both men and women have self-evident and powerful roles to create moral societies, through raising and nurturing virtuous families.  This ruling  suggests that the purpose of marriage is to legalize various sexual preferences of certain groups in our society.  We do not agree with this premis. To legally re-define marriage is short-sighted and demoralizing to women, men, and society. 

WOW urges families in the states of Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, Indiana, Wisconsin and around the world to value woman as the powerful influence  in society that she has historically been.  More than ever women need to honor their roles as women, mothers, and grandmothers.  Teach your children why mothers and fathers are important.  Give your children the peace they desperately need, which comes from the full identity of their mother and father’s lineage and love.   

Strong Words About A Child’s Right To Parents

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Dr. Jennifer Roback, president of the Ruth Institute, gave this stirring five minute addresss to the RI House Judiciary when they were ruling on the same sex marriage issue.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifUSSt–gLg&ytsession=u3a_-kBeymNM4QZIrG…

She makes a point of saying that we can’t see ahead of time to what the problems of legalizing same sex marriage will be for our children, but there will be bad effects.  Who will fix the families then?  Great thought provoking material here.