The Talk

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I have the privilege of being Mom to four wonderful daughters. As head of our little feminine sphere, I’ve had to initiate lots of mother/daughter chats of various sorts- biological, social, etc, and the cautionary type, especially of the opposite sex. The youngest has reached the age where some of these talks follow in rapid succession as her autonomy is increasing in various social situations.  I was feeling well seasoned in this area, she being the fourth, but as I pondered, I realized we needed an additional cautionary talk because of the moral confusion that abounds.

I introduced my new topic right before she left for an all girl’s camp. We reviewed about how traditionally boys and girls are separated for many activities at her age for the general protection of girl’s modesty and chastity. A religious environment of all girls and women leaders, aside from petty social drama, I had previously felt were safe places for her older sisters in regards to these, but not for her. I had to tell her she had to guard her modesty and chastity around girls and women as well.  I’ve heard one too many stories lately, where some young woman was totally blindsided by an aggressive, even abusive advance by another female. I didn’t tell her about any of the stories, and I discussed this in a manner that protected her conscience and modesty. Still, this was a sobering moment for me, but as a parent I’ve got to understand the times we live and adjust accordingly.  I have the feeling there will be many more new topics I’m going to have to add to our chats.

World Congress of Families Marches Through The Streets of Tbilisi, Georgia

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World Congress of Families X happened May 2016 in Tbilisi, Georgia. This historic country with a rich family culture showed the world that even though it used to be part of the Soviet Block it has not forgotten it’s identity. They Georgians displayed their family and religious culture for leaders from around the world as they held four days of conference sessions designed to strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

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In the opening session religious leaders from around the world spoke in support of strengthening the family and praying for the family. Protection of religious liberties is always an important part of protection of family. This is a photo of LDS General Authority, Elder Kacher, saying we need to be teachable like little children. 

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Alexey Komov, head of World Congress of Families Russia & CIS, gave a stirring presentation about the exact steps leading up to soviet control of Russia, which parallel steps being taken by many nations around the world, but especially the Untied States. 

 

Georgian Orthodox Patriarch Ilia II spoke as well about the sacredness of the family unit. Patriarch Ilia  is the godfather of every third child born in Georgia. He has been through many national crisis and knows the power family has to strengthen a society. His encouragement to have more children and his willingness to become the godfather to many in his nation has increased births and led to more of a family culture in Georgia.

 

A Historic March For The Family Through Tbilisi 

 

As part of the conference there was a march for the family from one side of the city to the largest Orthodox Cathedral in Georgia for a short service and blessing on the family by the Holy Patriarch. 

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More than 50,000 people joined the World Congress of Families and world leaders in this march to support the family. 

 

Georgian political leaders expressed gratitude for what they learned at the congress and some even shared intentions to create legislation that will strengthen the family further and removed information from schools that will damage morality in their nation. 

 

This historic conference was not without it’s protestors, but they were few in number. The conference was largely accepted by all and was even televised on the national television station.

 

WOW was happy to speak at this event and sends our thanks to the World Congress of Families who, despite constant attacks, continue to calmly and effectively strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society. 

 

Daddies Who Slay Dragons

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4 year old Avery Vidrine explained fathers like this, “They work hard, slay dragons, and love us!” 

This 4 year old girl obviously knows what it means to be a father and a protector. She has seen evidence in her own life. Her mother, Emily, said that Avery sends her father off to work every day with the phrase, “Now Prince Charming, go slay the dragons but be safe!” 

Avery knows her father keeps her safe from dragons and other scary things and knows her father loves her enough to go away from her each day and do all that hard work. Obviously her mother has helped her have gratitude and understanding for her father’s way of life. But as I heard Emily talk about the great trust her young daughter has in her father I wondered if Avery really knew what dragons an honorable father must fight to maintain powerful in his role as father and husband. 

There is no greater example of strength than a virtuous man. Maybe this is why the media goes to such great effort to distract men from what is most important and will be the most fulfiling in their lives; family and virtue. Maybe this is why the media encourages us to think of fathers as clueless and selfish. These lies about the identity and role of fathers and husbands decrease respect and destroy hope in fatherhood. Additionally these lies don’t really make women look strong or smart, they make women look like oppressors of men. These false gender roles diminish happiness in family life and create confusion. 

Husbands and wives, mothers and fathers are happiest and most fulfilled when they have put their priorities in order and they are deeply attached and involved with their families. 

What Are The Dragons? 

Daddies really do have to fight dragons every day. Not only are voices in society trying to undermine their existence and importance but these voices are also teasing and tempting men like never before. The sexual assault on the virtue of men is intense. Sexual obsession and addiction steals the freedom of men every day. When attached to sexual obsession men become detatched from family relationships. They feel empty and alone in a pit of addiction. This is a dragon daddies have to slay on a daily basis. It takes constant and diligent effort and a deliberate appeal to God and truth for help. 

Daddies, husbands and virtuous men must also slay these dragons: 

Media or gaming addictions

Work and money addictions

Waking up every morning

Scheduling life so that they have time or what is most important; God and family

Taking good care of themselves

Conquer laziness and entitlement thoughts

Live within their means

Keeping their standards high when others around them don’t

The list could definately go on and on. There are so many dragons to fight.

Think of your daddy, your husband, or the young men in your life who are training to become daddies. Look how hard they fight to become the men they are meant to be. Sure they may lose a battle here and there, but they keep going forward to slay those dragons again and again. 

This year, on this this Father’s Day, I think Avery Vidrine has it just right about fathers, “They work hard, slay dragons, and love us.” She will be a great support to the men in her life because she knows they must fight hard. 

Whenever I think of Avery’s description I am going to remember it like this; they work hard to slay dragons because they love us. 

The Best Way To Slay A Dragon 

The best way to slay a dragon and protect a family is through prayer. When the dragons come, a strong daddy prays. When a strong, valiant daddy sees dragons attacking his family and is children, because they will, he prays for and blesses them. 

Fathers are often described as protectors. They are often more endowed with physical strength and stamina to be sure, but I think the greatest protection I have ever seen men give is spiritual protection. 

When daddy stops himself from following the dragon that is after him and falls to his knees for strength he is using the most powerful self-government skill he has. Our loving Heavenly Father helps our earthly fathers to become the protectors the world needs when they unify with him through faith and prayer.

Personal Message: Thank you Spencer for slaying dragons every day and for being a warrior our children can draw strength and clarity from in these difficult and confusing times. 

The Office of Fatherhood

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In an era of social confusion, Father’s Day lends an opportunity to honor and clarify this unique and valued office. I use the word office because it denotes Fatherhood as an answering to duty by one who is fitted for that performance.

WOW’s 7th position on Fatherhood states:

 We encourage men of all ages to obtain the knowledge, skills, wisdom, and confidence necessary to assume their role as honorable leaders, proficient providers, and loving husbands and fathers in their homes and families.

Fatherhood involves a voluntary trust between wives and children that institutions have traditionally and wisely supported even censured in its neglect. Centuries of wisdom illustrate that a weakened, frustrated, and confused society is the result when this trust is broken.  Homer dramatically contrasts this idea between his Iliad and Odyssey.  In the Iliad, there is the destruction of a whole society because of one infidelity. Its companion epic, the Odyssey, teaches that faithfulness between one couple Odysseus and Penelope preserved a society that was beginning to unravel.

While the man’s role of defender or protector appears innate, the actual making of boys fit for the office of Husband and Father is a unique male challenge and an art that is best practised by Fathers, supported by Mother. This transition from boyhood to manhood was not lost in Homer’s story either. He illustrates Telemachus’ difficult struggle into manhood in the long absence of his father. 

As far as a Husband and Father’s responsibility of provider, I’ll use my own story, since the conquer and plunder method of Odysseus has become antiquated, thank goodness. I am currently a degreed stay at home Mom and quite content with my hiatus out of the workforce, and total economic dependence on my husband. In fact, I am grateful for my husband’s assuming his office as provider for the family. I spent about a decade trying to balance work and family, and found it exhausting, stressful and unbalanced. It actually led to health issues.  I felt I couldn’t really give my best self to anything or anyone.  The last fourteen years out of the workforce, commencing with the birth of my third child has felt healthy, natural, and balanced. I feel I’m better able to give my best self and feminine energy to the people and things I care about the most. I attribute this to my husband and me learning to live better within our complementary spheres. We’ve discovered Father in his office and Mother in hers helps to harmonize the home and is the natural ingredient children and societies thrive in. May God bless Fathers and Fatherhood that uniquely male office.

Kenyan Self-Government Teaching Report

[[{“fid”:”145″,”view_mode”:”default”,”type”:”media”,”attributes”:{“height”:360,”width”:480,”class”:”media-element file-default”},”link_text”:null}]]In November 2015 we went to Kenya with Teaching Self-Government LLC and taught many religious leaders, teachers, social workers, family advocates, and parents how to teach self-government in Kenya. It was the first time we did a training like this out of the United States and we left with a prayer in our hearts that the wonderful Kenyan TSG mentors would be able to have the impact they desired to have. 

Kenyan families have a rich heritage and strong family bonds, but over time, just like everywhere else in the world, the Kenyan families have been negatively influenced by media and moral and political corruption. Their families are struggling with similar issues as those facing families in the United States. 

So many of you selflessly donated generous gifts so that we could go do this humanitarian project. It was a project like none I have been involved in before and it was tremendously successful. Here is a great peek into some of the success the Kenyan mentors are having. 

This video shows two mentors of the many all over Kenya. I love hearing from them and about how their teachings are going. 

I hope you will see the very positive impact the training is having half a world away. 

Thank you again everyone! 

A Mighty Mother’s Heart!

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The heart of every mother desires for her child to find his place in the world, but that same sweet mother’s heart just about breaks when her child goes into the world for his life’s journey. 

 

Within the past two years I’ve joyfully sent my two oldest children out of the country to help people far from home. As much as I felt like doing a front flip from joy, I also felt as if my heart was ripped out as I saw them step into adult shoes and adult responsibilities. My tears were mixed up. Some were joyful and others were filled with pain. 

 

I wondered how a mother’s heart must feel when she sends a child to war? Many, many mothers have worn badges of honor and sorrow as they have kissed their children and sent them off to stop a conflict or save the helpless. 

 

A mother’s heart is the most tender and powerful part of society. Classical stories and historical accounts are full of mothers loving and grieving in powerful ways for their children. Think of Abigail Adams, Mrs. Margaret March (Marmee), and Mary the mother of Christ. 

 

In a day when some people openly show disdain for motherhood — as well as contempt for the traditional public praise of that powerful social and familial figure we call mother — it might do us well to ask ourselves a question. Where would we all be, and who would we all be, without the strength and security that comes from a mother’s heart? 

 

Even if our own mothers weren’t perfect, they loved, ached and prayed for, as well as taught us. Their hearts made us choose better than we normally would have and helped us feel safety when nothing else would. No matter our age or the age of the mother’s heart, we lean on it for strength and look to it as a source of truth. Nothing can replace the impact a loving mother’s heart has on a person’s life.

 

For some, a mother wasn’t always there. But even when that happens, none can deny the powerful influences the hearts of other mothers can also have on us. Even just the longing for the love and security of a nurturing mother’s heart can forever improve a life and perspective. 

 

A Mighty Mother 

 

Years ago I spoke with a remarkable mother about one of the hardest motherhood moments in her life. As a mother of six children she was always busy teaching, correcting, kissing, loving and praying for her busy family. 

 

During World War II she was a young woman, so she knew firsthand the rigors of physical and emotional hardships. 

 

In war time the people knew many of the brothers, husbands, cousins, uncles and fathers wouldn’t come home alive. But World War II wasn’t the most important war the soldiers were fighting. To the families left behind and to the majority of the GIs, the real war was between right and wrong; good and bad. If their son had chosen the right and lived a clean, good life, then he had won even if he was killed in action. 

 

This mother married one of those clean, good men and raised a family of children who were taught how to be good people. They were also taught how to stay clean and good. 

 

One by one her children left the safety of her protective care. She watched them go and her heart swelled with pride and anguish. Most of the children chose paths that would lead them to happiness and freedom, but one child didn’t. 

 

She watched her young daughter start to develop bad friends and participate in activities that eventually led to her sadness and frustration. For a time, she damaged relationships and suffered many negative consequences for her actions. 

 

Then, almost as quickly as the young adult went off course, she found herself back on the right track. She became dedicated to living a happier and more principled life. 

 

When the mother related this story to me as one of her hardest parenting moments, I asked her what she did to help her daughter during her very difficult times. 

 

This now gray-haired, gray-eyed woman looked into my eyes and into my heart and said, “I loved her. I never stopped loving her. No matter what she did that wasn’t good, I kept showering her with my love. I didn’t agree with all my daughter did, but I never stopped loving her — and she knew it.” 

 

This one simple conversation with an elderly woman years ago taught me one of the most profound lessons about motherhood I have ever learned. A mother’s heart is her most powerful tool. It sets the tone for the relationships and the home environment, and it draws everyone to the truths she teaches. I also learned that no matter how hard a mother tries, a child may still go astray, but the mother’s heart can always help to bring a wayward child home again.

 

In hard times, a mother’s heart carries the others through and points the way to go. A mother’s heart is the dearest part of her. 

 

No wonder so many children present their mothers with pictures and crafts done up in hearts each year on that one day that commemorates the impact mothers have on us all and our hearts!

 

If you, your wife or mother wants more unity and happiness at home this year for Mother’s Day, you’ll want to take advantage of the extreme Mother’s Day discount special of $400 off on the upcoming Parenting Mastery Retreat. Visit: https://teachingselfgovernment.com/events/parenting-mastery-retreat 

10 Fundamentals of Parenting Video

 

Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. It is also the most rewarding. There are parenting principles that can make parenting easier. Here are 10 Fundamentals of Parenting that will make the world’s hardest job much easier. 

Commentary on the Article THE FAMILY AS SOCIETAL SAFETY NET

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The article on the Family as Societal Safety –Net, published in Nigeria, This Day Newspaper of November 12, 2015, reflects the present picture of family as most people believe in Africa. Marriage as most Africans understand is a union between a man and a woman and the idea of same sex marriage is seen as foreign.

African marriage ceremonies involve elaborate traditional activities, which involve the bride and groom, the two families and the communities. Although the types of ceremonies vary from one community to another, the traditional requirement of marriage relies on the male and female aspects of the ceremony.

Though there have been many changes in technology and culture, there is very little shift in traditional African communities about the concept of marriage.  For the African, from marriage we build families. The family is the fundamental unit of society, it is said to be where our heritage begins and where we learn the basic teachings about life.

On another note, this article points out, that, as more women get educated and acquire financial independence, many mothers are working outside their homes. Both parents leave the house for work everyday.   These tendencies leave children more vulnerable to mistreatment and misdirection by some vicious house-helps or care givers.   Professional caregivers cost a lot and most parents cannot afford to meet the financial demands. The result is that most children stay longer hours with unqualified caregivers than with their parents.  It, therefore, deprives the children of the bond between them and their parents. To build strong family bonding, employers might retain more quality workers and greater productivity, if more support and time is given to employees to have access to good daycare and given more time off to attend to family obligations. Raising a family is important to the society and it necessary to pay attention to this essential duty to society.

Therefore, WOW-Africa focuses its programs on promoting healthy marriages, strong families working with parents.  WOW –Africa is on the forefront advocating for changes to traditional practices and culture to militate against women and children in various communities in sub-Saharan Africa. Parents have an obligation to establish stable families and attend to teaching the children the truth about life.

As Thomas A. Kempis writes in the Imitation of Christ, “Persons who are taught by truth and not by symbols or deceitful words are really blessed and happy, for they learn the truth in itself.  Our own opinions and lack of knowledge often lead us astray, because we do not know the truth as it is”.

The West came to Africa many years ago to teach Christianity and its gospel principles.  Most Africans listened to the message of the Christian religion, believed, welcomed and carried the good news.  Today the West has come back to Africa and with the power of the television, the radio and the internet to teach us a new version of Marriage.  Through the print and electronic media, we hear about Marriage Equality.  This remains a hard sell to many Africans as the new truth.  The result is that many African countries are threatened with discontinuation of charitable aids or projects to improve the social and economic development of these struggling nations.

African culture and the Holy Books teach us the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you”.  In other words, do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you.  Africans are committed to loving others as God loves us. They are committed to establishing families as the basic units of the community. They are still committed to the original truth taught in the Holy Books.  A new concept is still a very hard pill for many Africans to swallow. 

In conclusion, as Pope Francis said during his recent visit to Uganda, East Africa, his visit was meant to draw attention to Africa as a whole, its promise, the hopes, its struggles and its achievements.  “ The world looks up to Africa as the continent of hope”

In all, Africa is indeed the continent that maintains its traditional belief and value that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman and strong families build strong communities and nations.  As Pope Francis further said in Uganda, , Africa has her promises and hopes, her struggles and achievements.

Unfortunately, clamping down on the spirit of charity because Africa holds on to her beliefs on marriage is unfair.  After all, Africa is not trying to insist on her own habits of polygamy.  We should say, live and let us live, however in our bliss or truth about marriage and community. 

Carol Ugochukwu–Executive Director Worldwide Organization for Women Africa, VP WOW-Africa