Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. It is also the most rewarding. There are parenting principles that can make parenting easier. Here are 10 Fundamentals of Parenting that will make the world’s hardest job much easier.
Marriage & Family
Commentary on the Article THE FAMILY AS SOCIETAL SAFETY NET
The article on the Family as Societal Safety –Net, published in Nigeria, This Day Newspaper of November 12, 2015, reflects the present picture of family as most people believe in Africa. Marriage as most Africans understand is a union between a man and a woman and the idea of same sex marriage is seen as foreign.
African marriage ceremonies involve elaborate traditional activities, which involve the bride and groom, the two families and the communities. Although the types of ceremonies vary from one community to another, the traditional requirement of marriage relies on the male and female aspects of the ceremony.
Though there have been many changes in technology and culture, there is very little shift in traditional African communities about the concept of marriage. For the African, from marriage we build families. The family is the fundamental unit of society, it is said to be where our heritage begins and where we learn the basic teachings about life.
On another note, this article points out, that, as more women get educated and acquire financial independence, many mothers are working outside their homes. Both parents leave the house for work everyday. These tendencies leave children more vulnerable to mistreatment and misdirection by some vicious house-helps or care givers. Professional caregivers cost a lot and most parents cannot afford to meet the financial demands. The result is that most children stay longer hours with unqualified caregivers than with their parents. It, therefore, deprives the children of the bond between them and their parents. To build strong family bonding, employers might retain more quality workers and greater productivity, if more support and time is given to employees to have access to good daycare and given more time off to attend to family obligations. Raising a family is important to the society and it necessary to pay attention to this essential duty to society.
Therefore, WOW-Africa focuses its programs on promoting healthy marriages, strong families working with parents. WOW –Africa is on the forefront advocating for changes to traditional practices and culture to militate against women and children in various communities in sub-Saharan Africa. Parents have an obligation to establish stable families and attend to teaching the children the truth about life.
As Thomas A. Kempis writes in the Imitation of Christ, “Persons who are taught by truth and not by symbols or deceitful words are really blessed and happy, for they learn the truth in itself. Our own opinions and lack of knowledge often lead us astray, because we do not know the truth as it is”.
The West came to Africa many years ago to teach Christianity and its gospel principles. Most Africans listened to the message of the Christian religion, believed, welcomed and carried the good news. Today the West has come back to Africa and with the power of the television, the radio and the internet to teach us a new version of Marriage. Through the print and electronic media, we hear about Marriage Equality. This remains a hard sell to many Africans as the new truth. The result is that many African countries are threatened with discontinuation of charitable aids or projects to improve the social and economic development of these struggling nations.
African culture and the Holy Books teach us the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you”. In other words, do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. Africans are committed to loving others as God loves us. They are committed to establishing families as the basic units of the community. They are still committed to the original truth taught in the Holy Books. A new concept is still a very hard pill for many Africans to swallow.
In conclusion, as Pope Francis said during his recent visit to Uganda, East Africa, his visit was meant to draw attention to Africa as a whole, its promise, the hopes, its struggles and its achievements. “ The world looks up to Africa as the continent of hope”
In all, Africa is indeed the continent that maintains its traditional belief and value that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman and strong families build strong communities and nations. As Pope Francis further said in Uganda, , Africa has her promises and hopes, her struggles and achievements.
Unfortunately, clamping down on the spirit of charity because Africa holds on to her beliefs on marriage is unfair. After all, Africa is not trying to insist on her own habits of polygamy. We should say, live and let us live, however in our bliss or truth about marriage and community.
Carol Ugochukwu–Executive Director Worldwide Organization for Women Africa, VP WOW-Africa
The Best Father’s Day Gift Ever!
“Urgh!” my husband exclaimed, as he dropped on the leather couch in our family room.
I could see he was frustrated. Maybe this was the moment I had been waiting for, praying for. Over the years I had seen my husband become more and more lazy in his parenting and communications. We used to be on the same page with how we corrected and taught the children, but as his busy life consumed more of his time and energy, he started relaxing in his parenting style and had begun to lose touch with his role in the home.
He still saw himself as the leader and father of the family, but the children didn’t necessarily see him that way. Since I was calmer than my husband and more consistent with teaching and correcting our children than he was, the children started respecting me, but manipulating him. I felt bad as I saw the children growing further and further away from their father, so I prayed daily that he would feel motivated to change his course and find principles in his communications again.
At this time in our marriage, I couldn’t talk to my husband about how I felt about these things because he didn’t like anyone to correct him. He viewed my comments, which were made from a place of love and concern, as criticism. Thankfully, we have both taken the time over the years to improve ourselves and our marriage relationship, so now we are in a place where we seek correction from each other.,
A Learning Moment
“What do you want?” I said.
“What do you mean ‘what do I want?’ That’s a pretty broad question,” he replied.
“Well, you are obviously frustrated. You just sat down with a deep sigh. You must want something. What do you want? What do you want tor yourself and for your life right now?” I questioned him again.
“I just want the kids to do what I say,” He confessed.
“Oh, okay. Just say ‘I’m giving you an instruction…’ before you tell them what to do. The children know the steps to following instructions. If you pre-teach them in that way before instructing they will understand you better,” I explained.
For years I had taught my children four basic communication and self-government skills and they were good at them. My husband actually knew the skills too; he just didn’t choose to communicate with them. The most basic of the skills was Following Instructions. The steps to Following Instructions are:
Look at the person giving instruction with a calm face, voice and body
Say “okay” or ask to disagree appropriately
Do the task immediately
Check back when the task is complete
My husband looked at me as a large smile spread across his face. “Are you saying I need to use the ‘Four Basic Skills’ again?”
“Well, I think that these skills — Following Instructions, Accepting No Answers, Accepting Consequences and Disagreeing Appropriately — are skills for life. So, yes. I guess you can say that as parents we can’t stop teaching them these important skills,” I said.
“Okay. I will use the skills again. I guess I assumed that they should just remember to obey once they were told to,” he confessed.
Now I was smiling. I had been praying that my husband would want to talk about the best way to teach the children, the way we used to discuss it. My heart was thrilled, we were finally becoming unified the important mission of raising our children again. “Honey, that was a great couple’s meeting.” I said.
“A couple’s meeting?” he asked.
“Sure, these short meetings about what we want are vital to creating the kind of family we are hoping to have. If we have these meetings regularly, you can get lots of what you want. If you want dinner by a certain time, or more time to cuddle and talk, you just need to tell me and I can help you get more of what you want.”
At this moment shock set into my husband’s face. “You would make dinner by 6:00 pm every day if I said I wanted it?” he asked in disbelief.
“I can’t say I would be perfect, but if you really wanted it, I would try to help you get what you want,” I assured him. “That is what people who love people do. But, if we don’t ever talk about things deliberately, then I won’t know what you want and can’t help you get it.”
“Okay, let’s have regular meetings,” he said with enthusiasm.
Lessons Learned And Wants Received
So, what do all dads want? They want their children to respect them and they want their wives to understand and help them. Don’t we all want understanding and respect? These are two of the most important things to all people.
This year for Father’s Day, give the dad in your family what he wants most — to feel your love and understanding and to have peace at home. Maybe this year focus more on how you communicate with him instead of focusing only on a gift. Of course he will still love that new tool or ticket to the big game. But if that game or tool comes with deep love shown through unity, understanding and respect, then the dad in your life will see himself as the luckiest man alive.
To find out how to teach your family the Four Basic Skills or how to have meaningful couple’s meetings, visit https://teachingselfgovernment.com
Mothers: The Next Generation’s Hope for the Future
This is Lydia Sigourney’s message in her beautifully intelligent 1838 treatise on Motherhood, “Letters to Mothers”. Each page inspires one to recognize the noble and glorious work of Mother, while instructing in a gentle manner through story, anecdote, and practical wisdom. Her work brings energy to the soul, and will strengthen your resolve as a Mom. A few of her notions for a woman’s place will seem starkly Victorian, but her message to mothers remains a timeless model worth emulation.
“Let Mothers mingle their teachings with smiles, and the dialect of love. It is surprising how soon an infant learns to read the countenance, how it deciphers the charm of a cheerful spirit, how it longs to be loved.”
“….the strength of a nation, especially of a republican nation is in the intelligent and well-ordered homes of the people. And in proportion as the discipline of families is relaxed, will the happy organization of communities be affected, and national character becomes vagrant, turbulent, or ripe for revolution.”
“Do you ask, when shall we begin to teach our children religion ? As soon as you see them.As soon as they are laid upon your breast. As soon as you feel the pure breath issuing from thatwondrous tissue of air vessels which God has wreathed around the heart. The religion of a new-born babe, is…” (Infancy)
The above are quotes from Lydia, Christian wife, mother, and the American poetess of the Victorian era, known as the “Sweet Singer of Hartford” and the “Female Milton”. Her popular wisdom inspired many 19th century female Lyceum Societies to be named after her. It is a shame her work has quietly gone into the dust bin of History, but old can be new again. Give yourself, your family, and society a gift this Mother’s Day and share , “Letters to Mothers”. You can find her work free online at : https://archive.org/details/letterstomother00sigogoo
A Year To Remember For The Utah Legislature!
This year WOW was actively engaged in the Utah Legislature fighting to protect religious libertites, parental rights, family, and rights of conscience. There were a lot of bills and resolutions this session that are worth talking about.
The biggest topic on Utah capitol hill for the past few years has been what to do about the anti-discrimination bills that keep pushing language that would not protect religious liberties. WOW has fought dilligently for the past three years to protect religious liberties.
SB99, SB100, HB322, SB297 and SB296 were a handful of the bills that asked for religious liberties or anti-discrimination legislation or both. Of these bills SB296 and SB297 passed. This last bill was a balanced bill calling for anti-discrimination in housing and employment, but also calling for protection of religious liberties.
During this legislative session the LDS church spoke out in favor of SB296 and SB297undoubtably making a positive influence on their passing. The ACLU opposed these bills. WOW was very disappointed that HB322 did not pass as it was a very good bill for protecting religious liberties.
There was an exciting bill stating that parents must opt their children into sex ed. classes now. This is a great precaution to take to protect the consciences of children and religious freedoms as well as parental rights.
HB48 passed. This bill prevents some uses of powdered alcohol. This is good news.
WOW was opposed to HB391 the death with diginity (assisted suicide) bill. Luckily this bill did not pass.
WOW was opposed to HB134 which was a homeschool tax credit bill. We felt that this bill would potentially lead to regulation of homeschooling families in the future leading to possible violations of parent rights, and it is not a fair bill to other families who don’t have children in public schools and won’t get credits. This bill did not pass.
SB175 unfortunately passed. It was a bill designed to create a school safety help line for children. This hotline will be promoted to children. The calls will be taken by unknown people at the University of Utah and parents will not be told if their child calls the number. We have not been able to determine what kinds of advice or services can be offered by the unknown people at the college. We see this bill as a very possible violation of conscience and a definate violation of parental rights to help their own children. We felt it would be better to adopt a plan to teach children to talk more with their parents and teachers instead of take more tax money to refer children to strangers whose morals are not known.
These were some of the big bills we watched and chimed in on. But, there are always some kind of ridiculous bills like this one. Did you know that in Utah code it says it is against the law to ride a bicycle with no hands? Some things are not meant to be made into laws.
It is important that we all stay as informed as possible so that we can stand up for the principles and values we hold dear.
Official Statement About US Supreme Court Decision 10-6-14
This morning, October 6, 2014, the Supreme Court denied appeals from Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, Indiana and Wisconsin for a State’s right to protect marriage as a union between a man and a woman. This decision saddens The Worldwide Organization For Women.
As an organization that specializes in helping women and families, WOW views this decision as degrading to the dual roles of women in society as mothers, and men as fathers. Women and men should not be thought of as interchangeable equivalents, but should be honored as powerful co-creators with God of children. Both men and women have self-evident and powerful roles to create moral societies, through raising and nurturing virtuous families. This ruling suggests that the purpose of marriage is to legalize various sexual preferences of certain groups in our society. We do not agree with this premis. To legally re-define marriage is short-sighted and demoralizing to women, men, and society.
WOW urges families in the states of Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, Indiana, Wisconsin and around the world to value woman as the powerful influence in society that she has historically been. More than ever women need to honor their roles as women, mothers, and grandmothers. Teach your children why mothers and fathers are important. Give your children the peace they desperately need, which comes from the full identity of their mother and father’s lineage and love.
WOW is welcomed into the World Congress of Families
Women are the key figures in the
movement of strengthening the family and have historically been the
moral authority of the world. WOW is dedicated to strengthening
women so that they can have a positive and moral impact on
Strong Words About A Child’s Right To Parents
Dr. Jennifer Roback, president of the Ruth Institute, gave this stirring five minute addresss to the RI House Judiciary when they were ruling on the same sex marriage issue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifUSSt–gLg&ytsession=u3a_-kBeymNM4QZIrG…
She makes a point of saying that we can’t see ahead of time to what the problems of legalizing same sex marriage will be for our children, but there will be bad effects. Who will fix the families then? Great thought provoking material here.
How Can ‘The Family’ Change The World?
By Nicholeen Peck Recently, I came across a quote that said that the “spiritual solidarity of the family” would determine the success of many things, such as churches and societies. This inspired a lot of thought. We all know the family’s role in society is crucial. In fact, the whole of society pivots around the family. We know that if the family isn’t pivotal and valued the society decays. Could spiritual solidarity be the answer? What is spiritual? In Webster’s 1828 Dictionary spiritual is defined as “consisting of spirit; refined from external things; not sensual; holy” So, according to this definition, a spiritual family would focus on keeping the spirit of love, of unity, of God with them at all times. Their hearts would be knit together in love, which is a spiritual expression. They would know what this feeling felt like and would deliberately invite this spirit into their communications and relationships. This definition also makes it clear that a spiritual person is not the same as a worldly person. They have been refined. The spiritual person, or family, would focus more on the internal workings of themselves and the family than on the external. As the family focused on inviting the spirit of love into the interior of their relationships and home life they would not give in to the sensual, often selfish, desires and cravings we all experience in life. They would know that the spiritual is more important than the sensual and would choose not to act upon those sensual voices. The process of choosing the spiritual voice over the sensual voice makes a person self-governed and holy. This is the kind of person who learns to listen to the Spirit instead of the cravings of the body is a powerful person indeed. What would happen if each person in a whole family had this kind of self-government; if they understood spirituality and lived spiritually solid? Let’s talk about solidarity. Online solidarity means, “unity or agreement of feeling or action within a group.” For further understanding, I searched in my Webster’s 1828 Dictionary for the word solidarity, but couldn’t find it. Apparently, the word was not used in 1828. But, the root of the word, solid, was in the dictionary. Understanding the word solid helps the word solidarity make much more sense. Solid means, “firm; compact having its constituent particles so close or dense as to resist the impression or penetration of other bodies…parts are not easily movable or displaced.” How Can The Family Change The World? Eureka! The definition of the word solid is a gold mine for societies, governments and the world. Most people don’t like change. In fact, no one is happy when major things in life, like family relationships, change or deteriorate. If the family is solid it cannot be changed by outside sources. When the family is solid it cannot be destroyed, altered or penetrated by distractions or dysfunctions. The unity of the family is powerful, but the spiritual unity of the family is unconquerable. To create a spiritually solid group the family must be united in principles, beliefs, purpose, and practices. To have this kind of unity each family member must know and desire the feeling of the Spirit of love, they must understand and respect the roles of each person in the family, and they must have an effective method of communication, teaching and correction that connects the family instead of divides the family, as is common in modern times. I Don’t Understand If the families in our communities become spiritually solid the damaging messages that cause so much concern to parents now days would have no effect. We live in a time when people are concerned about governments defining and controlling families, agendas forming the minds of our young people in negative ways which are contrary to the happiness of the family, and the roles of family members are being misrepresented and misunderstood. Why do we put up with this treatment of the family? Why are people trying to restructure the family and break it apart? What is to be gained by this? I don’t understand. These are real concerns. People, like me, spend countless days trying to stop the micromanaging and damaging of the family. But, the real power to combat these concerns, the real answer, lies in the family. The family must heal itself. It must become spiritually solid again, as it once was in times of old. Then, we will be happy and impenetrable. What To Do To create spiritual solidarity in the family we need to:
- Be firm in our beliefs. Be religious. Practice our faith each day alone and as a family.
- Strengthen relationships by having regular and frequent family time.
- Decrease distractions to the family
- Have a pre-determined, common vocabulary for basic family communication and correction that the whole family uses. (The most common reason parents are ineffective is because mothers and fathers and children do not have a unified vocabulary for problem solving and respecting roles which leads to communication frustration and isolation.) Common vocabulary will decrease contention and increase unity and respect.
Never in the history of the world has every family believed that the family benefits from spiritual solidarity. There has always been opposition to this idea. But, if we look back through history it is easy to see that the families which were spiritually solid always accomplished more than those who were not. They were also more independent of government involvement, contributed more positively to their societies, and were more attached to family and community than those members of families who were not spiritually solid. What kind of future do you want for your family? Socially influenced mediocrity or spiritual solidarity? If you need help with steps 2, 3, and 4 on the list above go to https://parentingselfgovernment.com/store If you want to see a video illustrating the differences between families who are not spiritually solid and one that is, watch this BBC show.
